“I’m working on wrapping my head around that.” She tried to be conciliatory.
“Éntölam kuulua, avio päläfertiilam. I claim you as my lifemate.”
The moment he uttered the words, something inside her responded. She actually felt ties threading from Andor to her. She held up her hand. “Wait. Andor, wait.”
He ignored her. “Ted kuuluak, kacad, kojed. I belong to you. Élidamet andam. I offer my life for you.”
Lorraine could barely breathe. “I know you’re upset with me, but we have to talk about this. Andor, we have to discuss it.”
“In the way that you discussed your decisions with me?” Those indigo-colored eyes never left her face.
“I know, I do. I get your point. It’s just that what you’re doing feels permanent. You’re saying vows, right?”
He nodded slowly. “You are correct. The ritual binding words are imprinted on the males of our species before we are born. They only work with the woman who is a true lifemate. You are uncertain if you are my lifemate, so we are testing that theory.” His eyes didn’t so much as blink, and he reminded her of a predator. “Pesämet andam. I give you my protection. Uskolfertiilamet andam. I give you my allegiance.”
“Stop it. I mean it. You can’t do this because you’re upset with me. This is something that could potentially affect both of us for the rest of our lives.”
“You getting killed would not have done that? Do you know what happens when a male Carpathian loses his lifemate? When you were in my mind, or sharing the mind of males who are not your lifemate, did you find out that very important piece of information?”
She shook her head, suddenly very afraid of what he might tell her. To be strictly fair, Andor wasn’t the kind of man who would be angry because she had done something she believed was right. He would be upset, but not angry. Had she missed an important piece of information that might have affected her decision?
“The male will go into what is known as a thrall. In other words, he is insane. During those few moments after her death he must choose to suicide, or during the thrall, he will become vampire. I am an ancient. I am extremely powerful. Those who hunt me must be either my brethren, which will send them closer to their destruction, or most likely I will kill many Carpathian hunters and an unknown number of humans. All because you chose to do something without first discussing it with me.”
Okay. None of that sounded good. No one had volunteered that information to her. Had she had that, perhaps she would have made different choices, but truthfully, she thought a lifemate was a wife to their people. Maybe much more important since they had to search centuries for her, but still … To become vampire because they lost her seemed extreme.
“Sívamet andam. I give you my heart. Sielamet andam. I give you my soul. Ainamet andam. I give you my body. Sívamet kuuluak kaik että a ted. I take into my keeping the same that is yours.”
“You’re making me crazy,” she objected. “Just give me a few minutes to think about this. I need you to better explain what a lifemate is.”
“I did explain it to you.”
“Well, I didn’t understand exactly. Clearly, it is far different than a human finding a life partner. Andor. You can’t say ritual words that might tie us together …” She knew the moment she said “might” she’d made another mistake. It was just that she was very nervous. With every word he spoke, and each was very beautiful, she felt those ties binding them together, as if their souls really had been one, torn apart, and now was being cemented back together.
“Ainaak olenszal sívambin. Your life will be cherished by me for all time. Te élidet ainaak pide minan. Your life will be placed above mine for all time.”
“I was in your mind, Andor, but I was specifically looking for battles to better learn how to protect you while you were so horribly wounded. When the others came, I asked them for help as well. When it became apparent that you were so far gone you were in a coma and Gary couldn’t bring you back, they explained that my soul was bound to yours and they could use that tie between us, to find you. I didn’t know enough about your species to know what I was doing, but I did know I had to find a way to save you.”
“You think you did so because you wanted to save someone after what happened to your family, but if you look deep down, Lorraine, you will see that it was far more than that.”
He didn’t need to tell her that. She knew. There was a huge pull between them. “I’m sorry I didn’t have all the necessary information to make good decisions.”
“Had you turned to your lifemate, instead of to others who are not capable of feeling emotion, you would have been told all the facts. Te avio päläfertiilam. You are my lifemate. Ainaak sívamet jutta oleny. You are bound to me for all eternity. Ainaak terád vigyázak. You are always in my care.”
Whatever he did was irrevocable. She knew it immediately, the moment that last word was uttered. The power of those ritual words was consummate. She scooted away from him. “I think we just had our first real fight.”
“There is no need of another.”
“Maybe you don’t think so, but this world of yours is overwhelming as it is, Andor. You can’t take away my free will like that. I might have come to you because I wanted to—now I’m rethinking everything I thought I knew about you.” She stared out toward the forest. Lightning forked the sky, long ribbons of sizzling white-hot energy. She watched as Ferro controlled it, slamming it at something gruesome on the ground.
She turned her head to look over her shoulder at Andor. “What else?”
“I do not understand.”
“What else haven’t I been told that is important? For instance, you mentioned children, but you’re Carpathian and I’m human. How does that affect the child?”
“You must become Carpathian.”
She stared at him for a very long time, unable to fully process his quiet, utterly calm statement. She blinked as if that would change everything. Instead, it brought him more fully into focus so that she noted the lines so deep in his face. A part of her protested that, was alarmed. Nothing could happen to him. “I’m sorry?” she said, unable to believe she’d heard him correctly.
“You must become Carpathian.”
“How is that possible?” She lifted one eyebrow, but regarded him steadily. Her heart was in her throat. Nothing made sense to her, not the way she was feeling about him. Not the way she needed to smooth those lines from his face, or the worry from his eyes. She wanted to tell him it didn’t matter what she had to do to make him happy, she’d do it; but she wasn’t that woman. She would never be that woman. She had to think things through before she impulsively made decisions. And that meant she needed all the facts.
“Come here.”
It wasn’t an order. Andor said it softly. An entreaty, because he couldn’t move and she could. Lorraine took one more look outside at the night that was now lit up with flames and lightning. Thunder rolled. She heard it, but didn’t know if the sound was her blood roaring in her ears from sheer fear or if there really was thunder to accompany those long sizzling strands of lightning whipping across the sky in dazzling displays.
“You’re going to tell me something I don’t like.” But she went to him. It was almost a compulsion because she couldn’t stand those lines of pain and weariness carved deep on his face. They had all been so determined to save him, and no one, least of all her, had thought of the cost to him. She smoothed her hand over his face, down his jaw. Just touching him made her feel better.
“It depends, sívamet. Do you understand what it means to be a lifemate with the way I explained it? My soul was split in half at birth. Each person contains both dark and light. The darkness went into me, the light into you. Now that we are back together, I feel that light. I see in color. I feel emotion. You are an unbelievable miracle to me. Without you, I would go back to darkness. The loss of emotion and returning to that gray void would most likely send me over the edge. You’ve seen those soulless creatures. You know how vile and horrific they are. I have spent my life hunting them. To lose my honor, to become the thing I detest the most, at the end of my long life, after honor was everything to me, would be the worst.”
Lorraine nodded. She understood what he was saying. She felt his sincerity and she understood. He had lived a lifetime with only his honor to sustain him. She’d been in his mind and had seen that. Honor was everything to him—and to his brethren.
“It is an impossibility for me to become human, Lorraine, or I would do so if that was what you wished. I could age with you and choose death when you die, at least there have been rumors that it is possible. There is still the risk of the thrall …”
“Andor, tell me what it takes to become Carpathian.”
“Three full blood exchanges. We have not even had one. I have taken your blood, but you have yet to take mine. To bind you, soul to soul, Ferro, Gary and Sandu must have exchanged blood with you, yet you have not turned.”
She tried to keep her heart rate under control when it threatened to beat wildly. “Three blood exchanges? What does that mean?”
He frowned and reached for her hand. “They didn’t take your blood?”
“Yes. Like you did.” What was he talking about, an exchange? How could she possibly take his blood? Did he mean a transfusion? She didn’t have teeth like his. She didn’t understand why she suddenly was afraid, but she was.
Andor brought her hand to his mouth and pressed a kiss into the center of her palm. “They took your blood from your wrist?” He pressed his lips over her wrist, right over her frantically beating pulse. She should have known she couldn’t hide her fear from him. He would hear the crazy, alarmed beat of her heart and he’d feel it beneath his mouth and the slide of his tongue that felt too much like seduction.