His eyes opened a crack, lids hooded as he looked at me. “Fee.”
“Hey.” I cupped his cheek and touched his bottom lip with the pad of my thumb. “Hey, you.”
His gaze zeroed in on my mouth, and then he hooked his arm around my neck and pulled me down for a proper kiss. Our lips melded together seamlessly, clicking into place like they belonged together. It was a slow, leisurely exploration, salty and sweet and delicious. I swallowed his sigh and he ate up my moan, and then somehow I was on top of him. His hands slid into my hair, fingers tangling in the strands and bunching to hold me fast, and leisurely was abandoned in favor of open-mouthed kisses that grew hungrier and more demanding with each rapid heartbeat.
His body was crushed against me, every ridge of lean muscle molded to my curves. He tore his mouth from mine, then yanked on my hair to pull my head back and latched onto my neck, sucking hard enough to leave a delicious bruise. I wanted him to bite me, to drink from me. I wanted him and he wanted me, evident in the hard length of his arousal pressed to my abdomen. I straddled him, needing better access to that part of him. He settled against me and then we were moving together, mouths melded once more as we imitated the act we both desperately wanted.
We were connected in a circuit of pleasure. Mouths and groins, pulsing wet and hard, and I wanted more. I wanted to feel him inside me.
I wanted him not just with my body but with my heart. Oh God…Mal. I was falling for Mal, and I was falling hard. I broke the kiss and stared down at him in wonder, noting the flush to his cheeks and the dark desire in his emerald eyes.
He gripped my hips and rolled his cock against my core.
“I want you, Mal.” The words rode my exhalation.
I expected some kind of witty response or his signature cocky smile, but instead he brushed his nose against mine and made a desperate sound that was part distress, part plea.
“Mal…”
“God, Fee, you have no fucking idea how much I want you.”
My heart lurched and my stomach flipped as our tangled gazes spoke words I’d never thought would enter my head for the arrogant reaper. Feelings…All these fucking feelings.
He swallowed. “I want to be the perfect distraction.”
Distraction?
The way he said it, the emphasis… Is that what he thought? That he was a distraction? That I was playing with him? “Mal—”
There was a knock on the door.
“Fee! You in? We brought snacks!”
Oh fuck. Not tonight. I turned my head to the door. “One minute.”
When I looked back at Mal, his hands were tucked behind his head. The softness was gone, the underside was hidden, and the barbs were back in place.
He gave me his signature cocky smile and winked. “You better get that, Fee. We can play later.”
“Mal, I—”
A hammering on the door.
Fuck this shit. I climbed off Mal and headed to open it.
Jen and Thomas from the office across the street stood on my doorstep carrying bags of food.
Not the best timing. “Hey, guys. I appreciate the gesture but—”
“She was just about to watch a movie,” Mal said from behind me. He pressed his chest to my back, and I instinctively leaned into him. “You’re welcome to join us.”
Jen’s eyes grew wide at the sight of Mal, and then she gave me a sly look. “Nah, we’ll leave you to it.”
“Don’t be silly.” Mal wound an arm around my waist and tugged me into the house. “Come in. I’ll make fresh popcorn.”
What was he doing? I wanted to be alone with him. I wanted to talk to him.
But Jen and Thomas were already over the threshold.
Movie night it was, then.
The next hour and forty minutes were torture.
Mal pulled me onto his lap before the movie started and then tormented me throughout the whole thing, taking every opportunity to touch me. Grazing my skin with his fingers, brushing his lips against the lobe of my ear, and kissing my skin with his warm breath.
By the time Jen and Thomas left, my panties were soaking wet, and I was pissed. What was he playing at?
I stormed into the kitchen, where he was loading glasses into the dishwasher, and glared at him until he stopped and looked over.
“What was that?”
He straightened and leaned back against the counter with his arms crossed. “That was a lame chick flick with very little plot.”
“You know what I’m talking about.”
“Oh, you mean the touchy-feely shit during the movie? Did you like it?” He licked his lips. “I thought it could be a nice prelude to our distraction activity later.”
He was being a dick and I wasn’t entirely sure why, but I knew he wanted me, I’d seen it in his eyes. So why was he playing games?
It didn’t matter, because I didn’t want to play. “You’re not a distraction, Mal. You mean more to me than that, and I’m not going to let you turn what we have into a game.” I swallowed the lump in my throat. “I don’t need a distraction. I need someone who cares about me. I need something real and secure, and if you can’t give me that then quit playing with my heart.”
His smile slipped and my eyes filled with tears. “I don’t know what’ll happen to me if we can’t find an amulet or a spell to hide me, but I do know I care about you.” I squeezed my eyes shut. “Fuck it. Mal, I’m falling for you, okay, and if you don’t feel the same, then back the fuck off because this isn’t a game to me.”
He exhaled sharply and dropped his arms to his sides. “Fee…”
Oh shit. He was going to let me down. I could see it in his eyes. My cheeks heated. “It’s fine. You don’t feel the same way. It’s fine.”
I backed away and spun on my heel, wanting to get away, wanting to run. But he snagged my wrist and tugged me toward him.
“Look at me,” he demanded.
I raised my gaze to his and sucked in a breath at the tumult of emotions swirling in his emerald depths. I cracked my shields, gasping as desire and longing smashed into me. Now I was confused. I didn’t get it. If he felt this way…
He hugged me to him and closed his eyes. “It’s not a game, Fee. I want you so fucking much, but I can’t give you what you want.”
“I don’t understand. Is this because of the curse? Because you have to feed on sex? You think I won’t be enough?”
“Fuck, Fee, you’d be more than enough, but I won’t be enough. I can’t be what you want. But I can be the distraction. That’s all. Do you understand? If you love me…If you allow yourself to fall for me, then I will break your heart.”
He didn’t want me to fall for him. He didn’t feel that way about me. A vise squeezed my chest. How could I have gotten it so wrong?
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I care about you. I’m here for you in every way, but I can’t be the man you fall in love with.”
In other words, he couldn’t love me.
It hurt, but at least I knew now. How could I be mad with him for being honest? I’d mistaken his playfulness and the chemistry between us for more. Yeah, he wanted me sexually. He liked me, I knew that much, but he couldn’t or didn’t want to love me. The thing was, I couldn’t have sex with him and not love him. I swallowed the lump in my throat. I was cursed when it came to my heart. So fucking cursed.
He pressed his forehead to mine. “You okay?”
I nodded. “Yeah. But I don’t need a distraction, Mal. What I need most is a friend. Can you do that for me?”
He pressed a kiss to my forehead. “Just as well I brought the games console. Let’s go kick some Chaos Dimensions ass.”
Chapter Four
Mal
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
Fee’s falling for me.
She wants me, and that fact makes me want to throw caution to the wind and take her. To say fuck you to the consequences and love her back, but then what? What will loving me do to her? My time is running out, a year maybe less and then I’ll be gone, and then what?
Her heart will be broken.
I can’t break her.
I can’t hurt her.
I’ll do whatever it takes to protect her. To keep her alive and happy for as long as I can.
The idea of being a distraction was more for me. I know that now. It was my excuse to touch her, kiss her, make love to her with no strings, but she’s falling for me, and that can’t happen. I can’t tell her the truth because I know her. When she finds out the truth, it won’t matter to her. Fuck, it’ll probably make her love me more, and she won’t care about the hurt. She won’t care until I’m gone, and it’s too late to take it back.
I can’t do it to her.
I can’t.
I’ll be her friend, her confidant, and I’ll get her through losing Azazel, but that’s all I can be.
That’s all I’ll ever be. And fuck it’s gonna hurt like a bitch because for me it’s already too late.
I’m fucking head over heels for her, and she can never know it.
Chapter Five
As Mal and I stepped into the Dominus quarters through the pinnacle, warm air tinged with the delicious aroma of bacon and eggs tickled my nose.
My stomach grumbled eagerly.
Mal closed the glass doors to the pinnacle, and I noted how his skin was beaded with dewy moisture from our flight back from Deadside. I wanted to touch him. To taste the dew clinging to the hollow of his neck, but I squashed the urge. He’d been clear about what he could and couldn’t offer me, and getting physically closer to him was asking for heartache.
Instead, I fixed a grin on my face. “You think he’ll make us some if we’re quick?”
He shrugged. “For you, probably. For me, not so much. I’m not hungry anyway.” He hooked his index finger with mine in a playful way. “I’ll come feed you, though…”
He laced his fingers through mine and stepped closer, and yes, I’d said no distractions, no excessive physical contact if he couldn’t offer his heart, but my traitorous body lit up like Aunt Lara’s Christmas tree at his proximity.