“You threatened him again? Will you get in trouble for that?” I grimaced, not wanting to be the reason Zav got kicked out of his Dragon Court or his mother dethroned from it or whatever would happen. If he mouthed off to the wrong dragons, was it possible he would be subjected to the punishment and rehabilitation he had described?
“Likely,” he said, walking toward me, “but he seemed distracted. He told me I had better watch out because you have a sword capable of harming dragons.” He stopped in front of me, his gaze flicking toward Chopper’s hilt.
His cool face was hard to read. I couldn’t tell if he was only stating facts or if he was irritated because I’d tipped my hand. Shaygor might be off in the woods, putting two and two together and realizing it was possible I’d killed his son.
“Did you poke him in the butt with it?” Zav raised his eyebrows. The faintest hint of a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth.
He wasn’t mad. Maybe he was even a little pleased that I’d vexed another of his enemies? Either way, I was relieved he wasn’t angry. I didn’t want to fight with him.
“No, the foreleg. If you’d prefer the butt, I can try to sneak up behind him next time.”
“He would feel intense indignation and embarrassment if some mongrel stabbed him in the backside.”
I decided not to be offended at being called a mongrel again. “So I should definitely aim for that target.”
His lips twitched. “Definitely.”
“I’m happy to see you, but what are you doing here so soon? I thought you were staking out my apartment for the new moon tonight. The preferred time of month for dark-elf activities.”
“I believed you were in danger so I flew back.”
I grimaced. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for you to delay your criminal-hunting for my sake. I thought when you left earlier today you’d decided to prioritize that.”
“Yes.” He didn’t expound.
“Did you fly all the way here both times? Can’t you poof a portal open and travel from state to state or across the world?”
He’d flown the time I’d ridden on his back down to Oregon, but I’d watched him disappear through portals twice. That had always been when he was going back to his own world.
“Portals are openings onto magical pathways that were established by dragon scientists long ago. They allow us to travel between the main planets in the Cosmic Realms and also a few dozen others that have life and have been useful hunting places for our kind. I am not a scientist and have learned only enough to access the pathways, not enough to understand how they work, but each time you jump on to one, it takes you to another star system. You cannot open a portal from one side of a planet to another. You could travel from here, to my world, and back to here and arrive on a different continent, but though portal travel is fast, it is not instantaneous. In most cases, it is faster to fly.”
“You don’t mind flying? I assume it’s a lot of work and burns a lot of calories.”
“It does, but flying is glorious. Do you not agree? You’ve ridden on my back.” He tilted his head. “Few have ever been given this honor.”
“I do like flying. More so in an airplane and when I’m in control.”
“Airplane. I’ve seen your metal tubes with stationary wings.” Zav curled his lip. “That is not flying. You do not feel the wind caressing your scales.”
“The wind is frigid at thirty thousand feet and the air isn’t breathable.”
“Dragons do not fly so high. We wish to see the ground, so we can swoop down to hunt if we spot a tasty morsel.”
“Like what? A cow?”
“Cows are acceptable. Sheep are delicious.”
“The wool doesn’t get in your teeth?”
His eyes narrowed. “Are you mocking me?”
“No.”
“Your tone is irreverent.”
“Isn’t it always?”
“It is never suitably respectful and appropriate for speaking with a dragon.”
“That’s what I thought. But I do appreciate you coming. Can I buy you dinner? Or did you fill up on sheep on the way over? How about an ice cream?”
He was still squinting at me. Suspicious. I truly wasn’t mocking him, but I didn’t know how to make my tone appropriately respectful for dragons. Maybe because I refused to acknowledge them as superior just because they were big, strong, and had lots of magic. Though if they had mastered space travel, that was pretty amazing. After talking to the likes of Dob and Shaygor, it was hard to imagine brilliant dragon scientists, but then, one could have the same experience with humans. Some smart ones. Lots of idiots.
“What is ice cream?” Zav asked.
“It comes from cows. You’ll love it. Especially if you’re hot. Do you get hot flying?”
“Occasionally. I dipped myself in the lake on the way here.”
“Then ice cream is definitely appropriate. I’ll buy yours since you came all this way. And also because you’ve said before that you don’t have money.” I zipped up my tent, trusting nobody would steal my twenty-year-old military sleeping bag.
“Because dragons hunt for their food and take what little else they need from the environment, not because I am weak or a pauper.” Zav looked at me as we headed for the street leading up the hill and in to town. “If I wished to possess great wealth, I could have it. Such things are not important to dragons.”
“I believe you. Your blood is worth half a million dollars a vial, I understand. The best I can get is a couple of grand for donating plasma.”
Zav halted. “You sold my blood?”
“No. I found out its value when I gave it to Zoltan—the vampire alchemist. That was part of the deal to get him to heal my boss.” I decided not to mention that Zoltan might sell it. Zav looked affronted and disgusted at the notion.
To change the subject, and because he might have some insight into what was going on here, I told him about the goblins and the sasquatch. Several people made wide circles to avoid Zav as we walked past. When he shape-shifted into human form, he was visible to all. I didn’t know if that was a conscious choice, or something inherent in changing forms, but he retained much of his powerful aura, and even people without magical blood sensed that he was dangerous.
“I am unfamiliar with your sasquatch, but goblins are notorious schemers and tricksters,” Zav said. “Like kobolds, but they’re better at it. They build great cities on their world with all manner of mechanical monstrosities. If they were more organized, they might be as deleterious to their world as the vermin here are to yours.”
I paused, my hand on the door to the ice cream parlor. “You mean as bad as humans are for Earth?”
“That is what I said, yes. Your technology has allowed you to overpopulate your world to the detriment of the other species.”
“I’m not going to argue against that, but… is that what the rest of the magical beings out there think? Are they aware of what goes on on Earth? This isn’t one of your Cosmic Realms, is it?”
“No. It was deemed unsuitable long ago, but yes, most of the other intelligent races are aware of it and you. Many do not approve of what is considered the overpopulation problem here.”
“Do the dark elves have strong feelings about humans?” I remembered his words about the dark-elf scientists having killed tens of thousands of shifters, possibly as a test for their devices. And now those dark elves were here on Earth, tinkering with more magical devices.
“Likely so. I have not spoken to many dark elves. I will question Yemeli-lor and Baklinor-ten when I capture them.”
A big man with a Yosemite Sam mustache hanging to his collar, a ten-gallon hat, and snakeskin boots strode out with two ice cream cones, frowning at me for blocking the door. I stepped aside. Zav eyed him, not moving, so the guy was forced to go around him. Nobody was getting very close to Zav. Only foolish Val, whose brain was as unwise as her tongue.
“Nice dress, buddy,” the cowboy growled under his breath as he stalked away with his ice cream cones, the greatest defiance he dared risk.
“To what does he refer?” Zav asked me.
“Nothing. Why don’t you snag that empty table over there before someone else gets it, and I’ll go inside to pick out cones. Do you have any preference on flavors?”
“Flavors?”
“Yeah. There’s probably not a sheep flavor. But chocolate and vanilla are popular.”
His lip curled slightly again. My plan to make him fall in love with human creations and realize the vermin of this world could make cool things might not be working.
“I’ll pick something.” I waved him to the table.
There was a line inside, but the staff was efficient, so only a couple of minutes passed before I came out again. Even so, the tables around the one I’d pointed Zav to were oddly empty now. Two couples had shifted over to sit on the curb.
Zav wasn’t doing anything overtly menacing, just sitting there with his aura oozing from him. I’d have to spend quality time with all three of my loofahs and hope for the best after this date.
I snorted as I walked toward him. This wasn’t a date. This was… Hell, I didn’t know what it was. Admittedly, he was probably the only guy in the world I could spend time with without worrying that some assassin would drive past and blow him away. We just had to worry about Shaygor and the Dragon Justice Court. Alas, they were more of a threat than assassins.
Forcing a smile, I walked over and handed Zav a two-scoop waffle cone. I sat on the opposite side of the table, turning the chair enough so the building was at my back but I could still keep an eye on him. Belatedly, it occurred to me that I didn’t need to worry about people throwing knives between my shoulder blades when I was with Zav. From his position, he could see a blade coming and incinerate it. And I believed he would, but that was a lot of faith to put in someone else. I kept my back to the wall.