“I have not been to an elven sanctuary,” Zoltan said. “It is possible. Guk-laruk is a perennial, so if some were planted decades ago, it might still grow wild.”
“Maybe it’s time to visit the goblins that settled into the sanctuary near Granite Falls.” It might be a waste of time, but unless Zav returned soon and could give me a ride to another world, I didn’t know what else to try.
“Would Freysha know if the elves who visited Earth had planted such things?” Nin asked.
“Maybe. I’ll call.” I dialed Willard’s office number.
When someone picked up, something that sounded like a staple gun firing over and over greeted me along with a perky, “Captain Willard’s office. This is her assistant speaking. How may I be of service?”
The thwacks of the stapler continued.
“It’s Val, Gondo. Is Willard there?”
“Let me see if she’s available to speak with you.” Thwack, thwack, thwack.
“That’s not your typical hold music,” I muttered.
Nin lifted her eyebrows.
“She’s finishing up her current call,” Gondo informed me, the stapler finally winding down, “and she will talk with you shortly.”
“Great. What was that noise?”
“One of the junior officers who’s been assigned to teach a class to the police department on ogres, trolls, and orcs brought in a ridiculous amount of duplicated papers that he wanted stapled together into booklets. Naturally, a goblin as important as myself can’t manually staple together two hundred booklets, so I automated the process.”
“Uh huh. What exactly did you do to Willard’s stapler?”
“It now staples across the desk and returns to its original position in time to receive a new stack of papers, much like the carriage return on the typewriter I found in the basement. Point of interest, I used the carriage return of the typewriter I found. I also created a paper sorting and gathering machine.”
“What parts went into that?”
“A fan motor, the gas cylinder from a broken office chair, and items called Tic Tacs.”
“Tic Tacs? What role did they play?”
“Goblin fuel. Crafting is hard work.”
“I’ve heard that. Gondo, have you been out to the elven sanctuary that your people took over?”
“Only once, but yes. It’s not nearly as interesting as living in the city. There is no way to brew high-quality coffee in the woods.”
“Tragic.”
“Indeed. Woodland goblins don’t seem to mind, but I’m a city goblin now.”
“Are there a lot of plants there? Flowers?” I described the picture to him, though it occurred to me that even if the plant did grow out there, it might be past the flowering season now.
“I don’t know,” Gondo said. “Maybe? I can’t make anything out of flowers, so I don’t look at them much.”
“What part of the plant do you need, Zoltan?” I whispered.
“The root.”
“Okay. Write me up a detailed description to go with a copy of that drawing, please.”
“I’ll take it now,” came Willard’s voice in the distance. “And don’t start up that stapler gizmo again while I’m talking.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“We won’t get results back from Walker’s lab until tomorrow,” Willard told me without preamble.
“I know, but I have results back from my basement lab. It’s possible your doctor will find something else, but Zoltan is convinced it’s a bacterial infection, probably from another world. There’s a plant that he believes can be used in a formula to eradicate it in Ti’s system without hurting him. He’s got a name here. Uh.” I squinted at Zoltan’s open book, and he was polite enough to hold it up to the infrared light and point out the word for me to read, but not without eye rolling for my execrable memory. “Guk-laruk.”
“Hang on. I’ll write that down.”
“Here. In case you need to write it down correctly.” I took a photo of the page and sent it to her cell phone. “It’s a troll word.”
“Thanks. Why didn’t you call me on my cell to start with?”
“Because I enjoy being patched through by your assistant. Also, I’m looking for Freysha, not you. I thought she might be hanging out with Gondo.”
“She was in there earlier, but the noise of the staple-whatever hurt her ears.”
“You’re fortunate you can close your door on that.”
“It’s not that soundproof of a door,” Willard grumbled. “Hang on.”
She put me on hold, hopefully to find Freysha. I kept hoping that Zav would fly into my range, so we could more easily find this plant, but I had no such luck.
Freysha came on the line. “I am familiar with guk-laruk, Val. I have even grown it before.”
“I don’t suppose you brought any seeds with you to Earth?”
“No. I am not certain if it is capable of growing here.”
“I’m going out to the elven-turned-goblin sanctuary to check. Do you want to come with me?”
If she knew the plant by sight, that would be far better than taking a list of attributes and a black-and-white sketch.
After a pause, Freysha said, “The colonel agrees that I can go. She insists we take Gondo.”
“To serve as a diplomat and ensure his people will let us in?”
“Because his staple machine is giving her a headache.”
“I’ll pick you guys up in twenty minutes.”
“I will go with you,” Nin said as I hung up. “If the goblins require that we trade for the plant, I will offer them my goods.”
“I think if you offered them aluminum cans and shoes full of holes, they would be delighted.”
“I will offer whatever it takes.”
Nin started for the door, but I held up a hand. “You don’t need to come. This could take all day. You should stay and watch your grandfather and be around in case you’re needed at your food truck—or the coffee shop. If the plant exists in the sanctuary, I’ll get it for you.”
“You do not believe I could be useful?”
“I’m more worried about leaving your grandfather here alone. I can leave him my camouflage charm again and activate it before I go, but it needs to be reactivated regularly. If those orcs show up and can sense him… I need you to call me, and I’ll do my best to get back in time to help.” I rubbed the back of my neck as I debated how likely it was that the orcs would return with their promised reinforcements while I was away. “I think I’ll leave Sindari with you too. To help fight if necessary.” I didn’t like the idea of going into the woods without my tiger ally or my cloaking charm, but hopefully, there wouldn’t be trouble in the sanctuary.
“Oh, yes. I understand. I should have realized that he could still be in danger. I will stay here with Sindari. He is a good companion.”
“Yes, he is.”
“I am also here,” Zoltan pointed out. “She will not be alone.”
“Ti is in a sunlight-filled, south-facing guest bedroom. I doubt you’re going to want to hang out there.”
“It does sound dreadful. If you go to our shop, have Dimitri fetch some of the Mechanics’ Muse lotion for you. If you need to trade with the goblins, you will find they are very fond of it. It makes them joyous.”
“Wouldn’t a thermos of coffee do the same thing?”
“Possibly.”
Once Nin and I left the basement—giving Zoltan time to hide himself in a closet or coffin or whatever light-proof structure he’d built—I summoned Sindari.
I need you to stay with Nin and help her if any enemies show up, I told him.
He gazed at me with his green eyes. You are not going off into battle without me, are you?
No, I’m going to look for a plant.
That sounds boring.
Exactly. That’s why you’re staying here. I hoped that another battle wouldn’t come to the house and that Sindari would also find it boring here. Maybe he and Nin could watch sports on TV together. Or the robins at the new birdfeeder Dimitri had put in. Also, I haven’t removed the pine-tree scented air freshener from the Jeep yet, and I know how you feel about that.
It’s odious.
I patted Sindari on the back, then unthreaded his charm from my thong. “He’s agreed to stay with you, Nin.” I placed the charm in her palm, trusting she knew its value and would keep it safe. “He’s pleased.”
“Oh? I’m not very interesting.”
“Yes, but you don’t smell like a fake pine tree.”
Nin gave me an odd look as I left the house. What was new?
7
Despite it being a weekend, traffic was a snarl, and it took more than an hour to stop by the shop to grab a bribe for the goblins, pick up Freysha and Gondo for the trip, and get onto I-5 heading north out of Seattle. It would be another hour to get out past Granite Falls and to the spot where I’d dropped those goblins off in the U-Haul truck earlier that summer.
I was glad I didn’t have another gig at the moment. Willard hadn’t given me anyone to hunt down, and I wasn’t serving as anyone’s bodyguard this week. The only time concern was that Sindari could only stay in this realm for about six hours—maybe longer if he was just lounging on the patio in the sun. Once his time was up, Nin would be alone, save for a vampire who couldn’t come up into the daylight-riddled house to help, even if he wanted to. Maybe I should have asked Willard to send someone over to keep an eye on the place. I would if this started looking like it would take all day.
“What’s in that thermos?” Gondo asked from the back seat, his nostrils twitching.
Freysha was riding shotgun. She regarded his sniffing nose curiously.
“About thirty espresso shots being kept warm by stainless steel vacuum insulation.” Since all I wanted to do was wander around and look for a plant—and I’d helped these goblins before—I didn’t expect to have to deliver a big bribe, but a gift of caffeine might make them more amenable to offering assistance.