“Alrighty then, your Sexy Pet name is Donkey Lips,” Greed informed me.
“Well, that’s just lovely,” I deadpanned. “What’s yours?”
“I’m Smelly Cha-chas,” Greed moaned with disgust.
“Snuggle Cha-cha’s here,” Envy added.
“Bulky Cha-chas,” Lust chimed in angrily. “And little precious Dixie is Honey Cha-cha’s . . . of course. She even gets good names. It’s just not fair. My cha-chas are far superior to any of yours in this room.”
“Can it, sexy,” Greed told her whiny sister.
“What’s your last name?” I asked all of them. I had no idea the Devil had a last name. I wondered if God did too . . .
“Syn with a Y,” Dixie said, taking all of her sisters’ phones away from them. I suppose she’d had enough of the Facebook games. I declined to make a comment or a joke about their surname. I didn’t want to get my hair fried.
“So, I hear you need some shoes,” Greed said, reaching into a bag at her feet. “You’re a seven?”
“Yep,” I said, wondering if her shoes were as incredible as Dixie’s. I shouldn’t have worried. She yanked out some Jimmy Choos that made me salivate.
Greed grinned and handed them to me. “It’s nice to see you’re a whore for lovely things. I like a materialistic girl.”
The compliment was somewhat of a slap, but the shoes were hotter than hell. “I’ve been called worse,” I grinned and slipped my feet into the insanely awesome four-inch stilettos. They were amazing and made my legs go on for days. Ethan would love them . . . My stomach dropped to my toes. What in the hell was I doing getting excited over shoes? Ethan had to be going out of his mind. Time to learn a little more about my heritage so I could get back to my real undead life.
“So Daddy has a big announcement to make tonight,” Envy said, rolling her eyes.
“It’s probably about Astrid’s visit.” Dixie squeezed my hand and gave me a small smile.
“Nope,” Envy cut her off. “He’s been keeping a secret for at least a week. Astrid just got here today. Oh, and Astrid, Wrath can’t wait to meet you! When she heard you killed your parents she was wildly impressed. And just so you know, we all thought your father was an asshole.”
“Good to know,” I muttered and meant it. I would have been screwed if I’d offed a favorite uncle. “Where exactly did he rule down here?”
The silence was long and their eyes were round. Why was that such a difficult question? Then the laughing started. And it went on until they were doubled over on the floor in tears. Dixie was the only one who wasn’t amused.
“Oh, that’s rich,” Lust said, wiping her eyes. “He didn’t rule anything. He was a guard of sorts in the Basement. He was an angry loose cannon.”
Pot. Kettle. Black.
I had no fond feelings for my father—none—but he was my father and Lust’s total disdain for him didn’t sit well with me. Her insults went far deeper that my father. I knew it and she knew it . . . She couldn’t stand me and the feeling was mutual.
I had to let my anger go before I developed my glittery black sleeves in front of my cousins. Furthermore, I needed to learn a lot more. “So what’s in the Basement?”
“I believe our pretty little cousin needs a History of Hell lesson,” Envy said as she made herself comfortable on Dixie’s couch. “Dixie, you’ve been shirking your duties.”
“No,” I countered. “She’s explained quite a bit. We just hadn’t gotten to the geography section yet.” I wasn’t going to let them come down on Dixie. It seemed that they took far too much pleasure in doing that. “She’s been lovely.”
“Of course she has,” Lust hissed and shoved Dixie to the side as she took her place next to Envy. Greed sat down on the arm of the couch leaving the armchairs for me and Dixie. I sat and waited.
“Wrath and Pride enjoy the Basement.” Greed shuddered. “It’s the lowest level.”
“So there are levels?” I asked and wondered if Dante had gotten some of it right.
“Yes,” Greed nodded, “but if you’re thinking Dante, think again. The man is an idiot. You should have seen his face when he realized how wrong his little work of fiction was. Priceless.”
“Anyhoo,” Envy took over, “the Basement sucks. You know, the Hellfire and brimstone, screaming in agony, burning for eternity Hell. The Hell from the movies . . . That’s where the most evil go when they die. Those bastards are punished in fire until the end of time. Nobody can give an exact definition on what the end of time actually means. You would assume that my dad or his brother Uncle God would have an idea on that one, but if they do, they’re playing it close to the chest.”
“And my father did what down there?” I asked, sickened by the thought of the Basement.
“He controlled the thermostat,” Lust spat. “He burned people alive, and from everything I’ve heard he enjoyed it.” She stared at me with such contempt my fingers itched to smack her. Thankfully I didn’t. Good ideas in the moment often turned out to be shitty ideas in the long run. The others seemed nonplussed by Lust’s viciousness. I suppose they were used to it or she was like this with everyone. Lovely.
“So he killed people?”
“No. They’re already dead. They’re souls,” Greed explained. “He doled out punishment . . . ” She paused and glanced at her sisters. Dixie nodded at her. She hesitated but continued. “Demons can’t actually kill. We just siphon energy.”