I rolled my eyes and dropped down on the leather couch in relief.
"Nothing your cousins do make sense. However, at the moment I'm quite grateful for that," Ethan said as he stood and gently covered a sleeping Samuel who was oblivious to the impending drama. We had placed cribs in every room in the compound. It was crazy, but wildly convenient.
"It seemed like such a good idea—now I'm not so sure," I whispered as I leaned into the crib and sniffed my son's curls. He smelled like sunshine and wind—he was perfect.
"Normally I'd agree with you, but after our boy conjured up a zoo in the foyer complete with elephants, lions, and wild boar…I'm thinking we need to lay down a few laws."
That had been a fucking bloodbath.
"Not to mention the five alarm fire he set in the nursery or the puppet show of thirty stuffed animals that he brought to life," I added as I pressed my fingers to the bridge of my nose to ward off the memory of having to kill the stuffed teddy bears and blue giraffes that were trying to escape the house and terrorize the human world.
"Yes, there is that," Ethan said as he stared at the holes in the ceiling that the stuffed dragons had made before we snuffed them out. "So tomorrow is the big day?"
"Yep. Tomorrow at noon."
"We're going out," Ethan announced in his I'm the boss of everyone tone.
"No, we're not," I snapped. "It might not be my entire family in attendance tomorrow, but we still can't guarantee we'll have a standing house after the get together. I think we should stay in, play with the baby, and make sure he doesn't conjure up a Demon from the Basement of Hell or something worse. Besides, we don't have a babysitter."
My beautiful mate shook his head in frustration. "We have enough babysitters to make the Guinness Book of World Records. You just have to pick one."
"And how exactly am I supposed to do that? We could very likely come home to our child speaking in tongues or making the Sailors Hall of Fame for filthy fucking language."
Ethan's eyebrow shot up and I swear it touched his hairline.
"Fine," I huffed, knowing full well I was a large part of the potty mouth problem. "Filthy freakin' language. Better?"
"Much." He chuckled as he grabbed me and buried his face in my neck. "If I don't get you alone soon our son will get a graphic lesson in sex education. I do believe we've already done enough damage without adding that."
"This is true," I said as my body perked up…well, mostly my nipples, my lady-bits and my imagination. "Where will we go?"
"Honestly, I don't care as long as there is no one within several miles so we won't be heard or interrupted."
I laughed and let my head fall back onto his strong chest. Ethan's hands tightened around my waist and his very happy and underused manly part pressed into my back. I moved away, much to both of our disappointment, but my brain didn't work well when he was too close.
"The Baby Demons are a huge no," I said as I mulled over the babysitter choices and silently promised my inner hooker she could come out and play soon. "I'm sure they taught Sammy about boobies. Satan and Mother Nature are also a no-go for obvious reasons. What about Heathcliff and Cathy?" I asked my other half, thinking about my distantly related Vampyre cousins.
"They're in Rome with their father searching for some priceless Vampyre Scrolls that have gone missing," Ethan said tightly.
"Who stole them?" I asked, happily wanting to hear about a problem I didn't cause and had nothing to do with.
"No clue, but we will find out. What about Paris Hilton or Dixie?" he asked as he advanced on me with a smirk that made my panties wet.
"Nope. They're in New York. Dixie wanted to see more of the country. She and Hayden took Janet, Carl and Myrtle with them too. Carl wants to perform on Broadway."
Not much rendered my mate silent, but this did. Carl, Janet and Myrtle were Demons. Carl was a hairy dude who enjoyed breakdancing and killing things. He also had a whopper of a lisp. His mate Janet was a doll who also was somewhat murderous and Myrtle was nuts. Not to mention Paris Hilton, my Vampyre buddy, could hold her own in Crazy-town. My beautiful cousin Dixie and her Angel of Death mate, Hayden, were going to have their hands full.
"Pam and my father?" he asked with his eyes closed. I was sure he was trying to erase Carl's performances from his head.
"They're in Africa straightening up some kind of Vamp and Angel mess down there."
"The Kev and Gemma?" Ethan was getting desperate. He'd adjusted himself in his jeans several times and his golden eyes had turned a sparkling green. My man wanted me bad.
I grinned and nodded. "That works for me."
"Sammy want Marfa and Jane," our little one yelled from his crib followed by a giggle that made my heart melt.
"Um, no, little man. Martha and Jane are…" I struggled for a word that meant crazy mother fucking cow asswankers without any swear words in it. Nothing came to mind.
Martha and Jane were old nasty bats. They had recently been turned into Vampyres when I had a very shortsighted moment of weakness. Some would call it compassion. I would label it a massive FUBAR blunder. They had been the bane of my existence for years when I was a human and taught art lessons at the Senior Center. However, when I saw them laying on the floor, bleeding out and dying from an attack by Rogue Demons, I let my compassion and inner-masochist out and had them turned into Vampyres. My reward was having to live with them for the rest of my very long life.