"Um, I'm not sure that's a good idea," I said as I got to my feet. She elevated off the ground and got right in my face. That's when I noticed her tiny pale rose-colored gossamer wings. They beat so fast it was difficult to see them. She was like a tiny gorgeous kind-of human humming bird.
"I'll tell you my name and get you to Xanthia without you having to walk another step in those fabu boots," she bargained.
"Um, will I still be in one piece?"
"Yes."
"Will I still be the same size?" I asked. There was always some small print somewhere…
"If you want to be."
I needed to get there quickly. Ethan was in danger and who knew if the baby Samuel and the Vampyres, Martha and Jane were even still alive. There was also The Kev to consider. This little Mini Elf seemed off her rocker, but I liked her. A gal who could use the word fuck several times in a sentence and could come up with another legal swear word was my kind of girl. She was definitely needy, but who wouldn't be after nine hundred years of solitude?
"Here's the deal. I'm in charge. You have to do what I tell you to do. If you get in my way you have to go home. No random killing unless the fucker deserves it. Got it? Oh, and you can have a pass on the four fucks today too. I have a bad feeling it's going to get ugly and we'll need all of our vices."
"I think I love you," the Mini Elf said as she flew excited circles around my head.
"I'm straight."
"Not that way, you douche knuckle," she chirped with glee. "I love you like a dog loves their owner."
"Who's the dog?" I asked as my eyes narrowed.
"Does it matter?" She continued flipping around my head, making me dizzy.
"I guess not. My name is Astrid."
"Mine is unpronounceable, but you can call me Susu."
"Hello Susu, it's delightful to meet you. I will not put you in a bottle and my hands aren't stinky."
"Ohhhhhh Astrid, this is so exciting. Are you going to kill The Corrine?" Her little blood- thirsty eyes grew huge.
"Only if she tries to stop me from rescuing my posse," I told her.
"I do so hope she gets in your way. I hate that fucking bitch." Even Susu's vitriol sounded like joyous tinkling bells.
"Get in line," I muttered as I wondered if I was smoking crack to let Susu deliver me to Xanthia. "Why do you hate her?"
"She's a third cousin fifty times removed on my father's side…or maybe it was my mother's side. God, when you're thousands of years old facts get a little fuzzy. I don't like them anyway, which is probably why I blocked them out. Anyhoo, The Corrine is the cow bitch-hole that had me banished, which is why I ended up trapped in a bottle with that stank ass Genie. She was jealous of my beauty. I'd really enjoy seeing her torn to bits."
"Who do you like?" I asked, already regretting not running like Hell, when I heard her little helium voice.
"I like you," she trilled and did so many back flips in the air I lost count.
At this point I wasn't sure if her liking me was a good thing or a bad thing. Whatever. It was what it was. "Great. I think…How are we going to get to Xanthia?" I asked as I watched her dive bomb a tree from dizziness. "You might want to lay off the flipping," I suggested.
"Good idea," she murmured as she rubbed her tiny head. "You're going to fly on my back."
Now she was smoking crack. "No can do," I told her. "I'm afraid I'll crush you."
"I knew I was right to talk to you," she screamed. "You are the first person in seven thousand years to care about my safety. We are going to be best friends and we'll go shopping and I'll do your makeup. We'll get an apartment in Paris and bag really hot guys. It will be so much fun! You're a horrible blonde, by the way. You should really go back to your natural color. I just love the Demon red streaks."
"How do you know my natural color?" I choked out. So much was wrong and frightening with everything she'd just said—especially the mechanics of her getting it on with a full sized anything. However, the part that worried me most was the way she'd clearly seen through my disguise.
"I'm a Mini Elf. Nothing visual is hidden from me," she explained. "Your true body and face are almost as lovely as mine. Almost." She turned two flips, gasped and stopped herself midair. "Trees hurt."
"I'll bet. Can a Fairy see through my disguise?"
"Oh Heavens no." She giggled and rolled her eyes. "They're stupid like the Genies."
"Good to know." I imagined The Kev would take offense, but I was keeping my lips sealed for the moment. "So I won't hurt you if I fly on your back?"
"Nope, but you can fly on your own."
"I can?"
"That memory loss is really fucking with your skills, Astrid," she said.
"You're telling me. Can you make yourself invisible?" I asked. It wouldn't really do to announce our arrival by openly flying into enemy territory.
"Anything you can do, I can do better," she sang and I rolled my eyes.
"We'll see about that," I closed my eyes and pulled magic from somewhere deep inside myself. Slowly and surely I elevated off the ground. "Oh my Hell, you were right. I can fly."
Susu gave me her own eye roll and tittered like an asylum inmate. "I already told you, I never lie. I'm beautiful and trustworthy."