Home > A Fashionably Dead Christmas (Hot Damned #5)(16)

A Fashionably Dead Christmas (Hot Damned #5)(16)
Author: Robyn Peterman

Ethan approached me carefully and placed a calming hand on my smoldering shoulder. Thankfully, he was mostly immune to my magic since we were mated—although he was sure to have a nasty burn for his bravery. For his sake, I tried my best to reel in my reaction.

“It’s okay, Astrid. Pull back your power, my love,” he said in a soothing tone.

I met his eyes and nodded. I didn’t want Samuel’s memory of his first Christmas to be of his mother blowing up the compound.

“You’re right,” I said.

With great effort I let my fury go and the flames receded with it. Poor Steve Perry looked like his eyes were going to bug out. We would have to do a major memory wipe on the dude or he’d end up institutionalized.

Okay. So I wasn’t going to burn the house down, but I also wasn’t going to stand for any more of my shit being destroyed.

With a flick of my hand, I hung everyone in the room midair, except for Samuel, Ethan and Steve Perry. My family now dangled about eight feet off of the floor and they could float there for eternity for all I cared. No one was coming down until they agreed to play by my rules and my rules only.

Martha grunted from the doorway as she and Jane stared in confusion at the scene. “Holy Mitch McConnell in a girdle and push up bra, what the Hell happened in here?”

“Love your outfit,” Jane said sincerely. “I’d look good in that.”

I nodded my head curtly, afraid of what might come out of my mouth.

And Hell just continued to blaze…

Between them, they carried a life sized cloth man wearing a hula skirt and a top hat. They too were wearing hula skirts and top hats. The entire picture they presented was alarming, but I ignored it. I was far too frightened to ask what the Holy Hell they had made for my son for Christmas, so I stuck to the question asked.

“We had a few minor snafus this morning,” I said in what I hoped was a cheery voice for the benefit of my child.

“Looks more like a grenade went off in here,” Jane said as she adjusted her hula skirt and inadvertently revealed a red and green thong. “Speaking of grenades… you might want to have Satan put out that cigarette he’s smoking. He’s defying gravity right next to it.”

“Right next to what?” I asked for clarification. Surely I’d misunderstood.

“The pile of presents we… you know, that we kind of lifted,” she told me. “There was a kind of… sort of… a grenade in… um… ” she faltered when she saw the look on my face.

“You bought my son a grenade?” Ethan inquired in a calm and deadly tone. He was so freakin’ pissed, my hair stood up.

“Not exactly,” Martha said.

“No. They freaking stole it,” I tattled.

“Which one of you stole my son a grenade?” Ethan demanded.

“She did,” they shouted in unison as they pointed at each other.

“It’s the damn teddy bear, isn’t it?” I ground out through clenched teeth as my body began to shoot sparks.

“I knew we should have gotten him a subscription to Playboy,” Martha wailed as she scissor kicked her buddy, revealing her own pickled thighs and Christmas thong.

“Astrid, stay put,” Ethan ordered as he ran swiftly to the pile of presents. “Your sparks could set it off.”

He was right. I turned to Satan who was watching with interest as he puffed away.

“Gigi, I need a little help here,” I called out as she followed my gaze and grinned.

“With pleasure,” she trilled and waved her hands above her head.

I was hoping for a bucket of water in his face, but Mother Nature never ever took half measures. The waterfall of all waterfalls rained down on my uncle as he sputtered and choked.

One problem down… oh so many to go.

“Got it,” Ethan yelled as he held the teddy-grenade in the air.

A small ember from Satan’s cigarette had clearly lit it before he was doused and Ethan didn’t notice.

“Ethan! It’s live. Throw it,” I shrieked as I dove on top of Samuel and Steve Perry.

Blobbityflonk threw himself on top of me and I was pretty sure Martha and Jane belly flopped on top of him. If I’d had to breathe, I would have been royally screwed.

I quickly waved my hand and released my family from their floating prison. They were sitting ducks hanging in the air. I might be pissed, but I wasn’t cruel.

They ran for cover amidst a whole bunch of shouting and screeching.

Ethan swore viciously and hurled the grenade at the back wall of the Great Room away from everyone. With his Vampyre strength, it shot like a bullet out of a sub-machine gun.

Blobbityflonk heaved a huge sigh of relief that the day had been saved. However, I knew better—far better.

I put my hands over Samuel’s ears and shut my eyes.

And that’s when the grenade exploded, blowing the entire back wall of the Cressida house right off its foundation.

Through the smoke and haze, I noted that it was a lovely, sunny day outside.

Well, at least there was that.

I let my head drop and the tears flow. This would go down in history as the worst December 25th ever. Merry Fucking Christmas.

Chapter 8

“Is everyone alright?” Ethan yelled as he pulled the pile off of me, Samuel and Steve Perry.

The muffled chorus of yeses eased my panic. Everyone was accounted for. This was a horrific day for us all… but I was certain it was the worst day of Steve Perry’s life.

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