Home > Fashionably Hotter Than Hell (Hot Damned #6)(5)

Fashionably Hotter Than Hell (Hot Damned #6)(5)
Author: Robyn Peterman

Astrid was on a mission and Raquel was her objective. I didn’t envy either of them at the moment—insane taskmaster and certifiable, albeit sexy, subject.

“What do you do for fun? Astrid inquired as she poured over a Prada catalogue and dog-eared various pages.

“Well, I…” Raquel stuttered. “You know, I… um”

“Yep, well that’s definitely fun,” Astrid said with an exaggerated eye roll as she tossed the magazine aside.

“Fine,” Raquel relented. “You’re correct. What do you suggest?”

“Shopping,” Astrid stated firmly.

“I’m a fabulous shopper,” Raquel shot back, clearly insulted.

“True, true, true,” Astrid conceded. “What we need here is something more creative.”


“Dude, we’re dead—we don’t eat,” Astrid said sorrowfully.

Invisibility let me react without fear of losing my head, so I grinned and rolled my eyes. We’d all heard ad nauseam about the massive hole that not being able to eat had left in Astrid’s life.

“I’ve got it! Swearing,” Astrid shouted.

Holy God Almighty, this was going to be good. I got comfortable and waited for the show to begin.

“Swearing?” Raquel asked with a giggle.

“Yes,” Astrid insisted as she stood to make her ludicrous point. Her excitement was contagious and it was all I could do not to reveal myself by laughing.

“Umm, I’m not so sure…” Raquel said as she stood and gave Astrid a quick hug. “I have a few things I need to do.”

“Sit,” Astrid commanded.

Raquel did so with great reluctance. Unfortunately, she sat right next to me and her scent almost made me groan aloud. My need to touch her was dangerously close to becoming reality. That would certainly not go over well—at all. Slowly I eased myself up and planted my feet by the door in case the need to make a quick escape was necessary.

“You need to let her rip. It’s invigorating and uses up tons of calories,” Astrid explained with a smirk and a covert wink to me.

God damn it, I’d forgotten Astrid could see through cloaking. I sent her a pleading look and she winked again. I was clearly going to owe my cousin a big one.

“We’re Vampyres—we don’t eat. Remember?” Raquel reminded her.

“Damn it you’re right. But still it’s a good way to start.”

“I already say inappropriate words,” Raquel argued and tossed her red curls.

Astrid groaned and plopped down beside her in the seat I’d just vacated.

Thank God I’d moved. She would have shoved me over and given me away for certain. Her evil little smirk was not lost on me—at all.

“Right there is your first problem. They are not inappropriate words—they’re cuss words, dirty words, good old no-no’s.”

“Profanities!” Raquel added with clasped hands and a blush, trying hard to please the nutbag guiding her.

“A little better,” Astrid replied as she wrinkled her nose.

It was fascinating to watch Raquel wrack her brain to come up with something that would impress her teacher. She was always so damned self-assured. I both liked and hated this carefree side of her, but I didn’t want to see her lighter side. It made everything even harder than it already was—pun intended.

I waited to see what she would say. She’d most definitely sworn before—mainly at me—but she was nowhere near as creative and profane as my dear cousin.

“Ass, damn it, hell,” Raquel recited hesitantly with another lovely blush.

“Nope, nope, nope.” Astrid shook her head and took Raquel’s hands in her own. Repeat after me. Assmonkey, douche canoe, motherfucking turd knocker.”

“Those are swear words?” Raquel asked with a wince.

“No. Those are cuss words—the kind that makes your mother wash your mouth out with soap.”

“I don’t have a mother anymore,” Raquel said quietly.

“And thank God, Satan and Mother Nature, neither do I,” Astrid responded with a shudder. “But you get the gist?”

“I do,” Raquel answered slowly. “But I think we need to find something else. I’m quite afraid I’d laugh if I said any of those things.”

“You could practice in front of a mirror,” Astrid suggested in all seriousness.

“That would be a fine idea if I had a reflection.”

“Shit mother fuckballs,” Astrid shouted. “I always forget that one. Certain aspects of being a Vamp suck asscranks.”

“Is that a real thing?”

“Is what a real thing?” my cousin asked perplexed.

“Um… asscranks,” Raquel replied with discomfort.

Astrid thoughtfully considered her answer. “Nope, but it rolls off the tongue like butter, which is something else I really miss.”

“Astrid, this won’t work.”

“Probably not, but I dare you to let four cuss words fly from your mouth daily. It’s a scientific fact that those who swear are more trustworthy,” Astrid informed her.

“It’s not nice to dare me and where did you read that? National Enquirer?”

“Nope, I heard it on Housewives of Whateverthefuck, so that means it’s true,” Astrid said with a laugh. “Seriously, try it—you’ll like it.”

“Four a day?” Raquel asked.

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