Austin shook his head slightly. “You guys and that house…”
“We’re not normal, I know.”
“No, you are not. Effective, but not normal.” He paused for a moment. “Yes, it’s probably word of mouth at this point, which is why only the lesser mages are coming to apply. More established mages might’ve ignored the summons entirely, if they’re happy where they are.” Austin’s upper body tightened up, his pecs popping through his shirt as his biceps strained the white cotton, flexing so as to prevent himself from releasing tension through a physical tic, like running his fingers through his hair. He’d had to make some changes since assuming the alpha role.
“What did you want to do that you can’t do anymore?” I teased.
His gaze zipped to me and then away. His lips quirked, but he gritted his teeth again, his face in hard lines that somehow didn’t detract from his handsomeness. “It’s not that I can’t anymore. It’s that you loosen me up too much and I forget my place.”
“Your place… At the top?”
His gaze connected with mine, this time digging in, primal and dominant. A zip of excitement tore through me, and I felt loose and tight at the same time. A feeling, I fully realized, that was not the way a person was supposed to feel with a friend.
“Yes,” he said.
“And why can’t you smile and…tuck your fingers into your belt?”
“I wasn’t going to tuck my fingers into my belt, and it’s because I have a reputation to uphold.”
“The reputation of a grumpy guy who wants to…scratch his chest?”
“The reputation of a hardass who won’t stand for anyone stepping out of line. If you show weakness as a dominant figure, someone will prey on it. And no, I did not want to scratch my chest.”
“How is smiling or…running your fingers through your hair…?”
His eyes crinkled. “Caught me.”
I laughed. “How is that a sign of weakness? I don’t get it. People who allow themselves to feel and show emotion are not weak. They’re stronger, actually.”
“Honestly, I don’t know why, but when an alpha is too nice, too easy, too expressive…he or she gets an increased number of challenges. People see me loosening up as a green light for them to do the same, and for violent people, that often takes the form of challenges and rowdy behavior.”
“It means more work for you, basically.”
“Exactly, yes.”
“So you’ll never smile again?”
Even though he must’ve known I was teasing, his expression turned uncomfortable and he shifted his body weight away from me. Looking toward the opposite side of the street, he said, “There are a few exceptions.”
“Like…?” I rolled my hand in the air, not sure why he was forcing me to drag information out of him today. Of course, it had been a month and a half since we’d had a normal conversation, minus the rest of my demented Ivy House crew. Clearly he’d forgotten how.
He shifted his weight again, antsy to go. “Like when he’s in private with those closest to him.”
“But not in public?”
He paused for a beat. “In public, people only give exception to an alpha when he’s with his mate or his offspring.”
“Well, at least that’s something. It would be hard to date if you couldn’t laugh at your date’s jokes.”
“No.” His tone was hard. “Not a date, a mate. It’s a magical bond that manifests physically, similar to the magical link we have from Ivy House but much deeper. More primal. It changes a man. It makes him less reasonable. Less logical.” The full weight of his focus came back to me, punching through my humor and lightness like a steel mace. “People forgive an alpha for smiling with his mate or offspring because they know if they do anything that might harm them, even indirectly, the alpha will lose his mind and end the threat with unspeakable force. He will protect his own with everything in him. The smallest slight can turn into a bloodbath. It is safest for all to give an alpha leeway when he is with his mate or children.”
I blinked, my eyes wide, his tone and bearing hostile and haunted.
“That woman from your past…she was your mate?”
“No. I thought she would be, at one time. The reason I acted out back then was because I was young and dumb and full of…” He stopped himself. “Even without that bond, though, I was a menace to society. Even without it, I put people in the hospital and nearly killed my brother. What do you think might’ve happened if she’d been my mate?”
I nodded slowly, watching him, aching for him. I could feel his pain through the magical link we shared. I tended to unblock it these days when talking to him, needing to feel his emotions to gauge what was behind that hard, expressionless mask.
“Gotcha,” I said softly. “I’ll be careful not to badger you into smiling in public. I assume it’s fine on Ivy House soil, since that’s not your territory?”
He watched me silently for a beat. His emotions flicked from one to the next so fast that they were just a jumble of uncomfortable. He finally nodded.
“Well, there you go, then. You just have to stay for a moment after training one of these days. I’ll get Mr. Tom to tell you some jokes. He’s got a few zingers. Of course, he doesn’t realize they are jokes. Since he’s the punch line and all.”
He swore under his breath and looked away. “It’s a lesson in self-restraint speaking with you. Anyway, listen, no biggie, but—” His muscles popped again and his jaw clenched.
I laughed and pointed at him accusingly. “Thumbs in belt loops!”
“Hands in pockets. I did actually want to talk to you about the winery. Mr. Tom sent through the check. He said you’d approved the expense. You still need to actually sign the paperwork. My lawyer is putting that together now. We’ll be partners, fifty-fifty. Is that still good?”
I swallowed. “Yeah, good. Sounds good. My son is coming for a couple days, but outside of that, I’m free…”
While I was glad he hadn’t decided to back out after all, and supremely excited about Jimmy’s visit, I felt weighed down by the memory of the house financial ledger splayed in front of me in the office. I’d never seen such large numbers in my life, and I was the one responsible for the estate. Which was fine—beyond fine—except the generous gift came with an unexpected commitment, something no one had thought to mention to me when they’d explained about the whole magic thing.
I’d finished mastering the first spell book Ivy House had provided for my training, and although we still had a ways to go in Book Two, it was time for me to claim the full gamut of my magic, apparently. But before that final burst of power was unleashed, I needed to give a blood oath—a blood oath!—to protect the house and the people in my circle. To officially become their protector and provider. To become a leader, like Austin was for his pack.
Once I made that oath, I’d be stuck in this position forever. Forever. There would be no divorce court to get me out of this one. No do-overs. I would literally be the heir of Ivy House until I died, and it would almost certainly be a bloody death.
Because one of the supposed upsides of the blood oath was that I (and my crew) would get to live forever. Given I was one of many heirs, it wasn’t a leap in logic to realize my predecessors had all been killed, and that the same bloody fate was in store for me one day.
If I took the oath.
Three
“How’d you get your son to come?” Austin asked, back to facing me again, bent a little to study my face.
I closed down the link between us so he wouldn’t feel my churning emotions. He might want to talk about things. I most certainly did not.
“Easter break is coming up. He broke up with his girlfriend, so he’s free.” I rolled my eyes, but a grin broke through. I missed the little goblin terribly. Horribly! “I also think he got some pressure from his dad to come home. He’s not really excited about meeting the new stepmom.”
“Oh. Did your ex get remarried?”
I pulled up my shirt to check my blood-crusted skin. A small pink spot of crinkled skin was all that was left of the stab wound.
“No, but you know what I mean. The girlfriend. They’re living together, so it’s probably only a matter of time.”
“Does that…hurt you?”
I furrowed my brow, looking at him, then scoffed at his expressionless face. “Do you think it should? This stoic thing you’ve got going on is annoying. I can’t read you anymore.” I tapped into the magical link again, feeling more confusion. Laughter burbled out of me. “No, it doesn’t hurt me. Honestly, I don’t really care one way or the other. I want him to be happy, and I hope he wants me to be happy. He and I didn’t work out, and that’s okay. I sincerely hope she’s cool, because my son will be the one who suffers if not.”
Austin nodded. “It’s just that a lot of divorces end badly. There are hard feelings on one side or the other.”
“I mean, we’re not friends or anything. But I don’t see the point in being bitter. I wouldn’t change my past, and I’m happy where I’ve ended up. Mostly. Except for some…official house issues.” I pushed away thoughts of that damned office and what was expected of me. “It took some hard times and some heartbreak, but that’s life. The hard times make us appreciate the good times.”
His focus was intense, his eyes rooted to mine, his body frozen.
“What?” I asked, suddenly uncomfortable. “Have I turned into one of those annoying life is sublime people or something? Too chirpy?”
A small smile flirted with his lips, and for once, he didn’t dampen it. “I continually look up to you, Jacinta. It feels like I never really learned the rules of being an adult, and you’re teaching them to me, one by one.”
“Good Lord, Austin, you’re in trouble if you’re getting life tips from me.”