“Beth, you don’t mean that.”
She frowned uncertainly, looking more like the young girl I knew. “Yes, I do.”
“You’re only sixteen –”
“I’ll be eighteen in two years,” she argued weakly.
I’d had a similar thought a few minutes ago, but hearing her say it drove home just how young she was and how much she had yet to experience.
“I know. But so much can happen in two years, and things you like now might not matter to you by then.”
Her chin trembled. “It won’t change how I feel about you.”
The hurt in her eyes was almost my undoing, and I had to refrain from pulling her into my arms and comforting her. It would only send her false signals, and I wouldn’t do that to her. It was hard enough to say what had to be said, knowing it would cause her more pain.
“I’m sorry, Dove. I love you but not in that way.”
Pain pricked my chest at the sight of the tears spilling down her cheeks and the knowledge that I’d hurt the one person I’d vowed to always protect. I reached for her, but she spun away.
“Beth, please understand,” I called as she flung open the door and ran out.
I’d planned to give Beth a day or two before I went to talk to her. But lying in bed that night, I couldn’t stop thinking about how she’d felt in my arms, and how much I wanted to hold her again. Disturbed by my thoughts, I’d gotten very little sleep.
The next day, Rachel had come by, wanting to know why Beth had been in her room crying all night. In as few words as possible, I filled her in. I was surprised when she’d admitted she had known about Beth’s crush on me. I couldn’t believe I’d been oblivious to Beth’s feelings, and I’d wondered if maybe I’d said or done something to lead her on.
It was Rachel who’d suggested I shouldn’t try to talk to Beth right away. She’d told me a girl needed time to get over her first heartbreak, and Beth would be embarrassed to see me. I’d agreed because it was in Beth’s best interest for us to not see each other. I couldn’t be around her until I’d rid myself of this attraction I felt for her.
I’d left that day with the intention of returning in a month or two. Rachel had kept me updated on Beth, letting me know how she was doing and when she’d gotten over her crush. But while Beth’s feelings for me had faded over time, mine for her had not. Shame and guilt followed every thought of her, even though I told myself I would never have acted upon my feelings. In my mind, no male was good enough for Beth, including me.
One month became six, and six became a year. I’d missed Beth, but I’d feared I would do or say something to give myself away if I saw her. Rachel had told me she was happy and doing well in her training, and I hadn’t wanted to disrupt her life. So, I’d stayed away from her, and I’d immersed myself in work and the company of beautiful women, trying to forget the girl I couldn’t have.
After all of that, after the years of keeping my distance from Beth, one touch had changed everything.
How was it possible that we had shared this house and worked together for a week, and we hadn’t touched once until now? What if I hadn’t touched her tonight? How long would we have gone on without knowing what we really were to each other?
Headlights splashed across the lawn as an SUV pulled up and parked outside the garage. Three people got out, two of them going into the house while the third headed in my direction.
Nikolas sat on one of the chairs with his arms resting on his knees. Neither of us spoke for a long moment.
“You look like hell,” he said at last.
“I’ve been better.”
Another short silence followed.
“You know?” I asked him.
“Sara and Jordan said they thought you and Beth bonded, but they weren’t sure.”
“We did.”
“You want to talk about it?” he asked.
If I didn’t talk to someone about it, my head was going to explode. “I can’t believe it’s Beth, of all people. I’ve known her for most of her life.”
“It happens. Remember the Council member who found his mate a year ago?”
I nodded. The Council member’s mate had grown up in the stronghold he led. He’d seen the girl around, but it wasn’t until her induction ceremony when they’d shaken hands that they bonded.
“That’s not the same. He didn’t know the girl like I know Beth. I watched her grow up.”
“You’re right. I’ve wondered how different it would have been for Sara and me if she’d been raised at Westhorne.”
I managed a weak smile. “Tristan probably would have banished you the first time you looked at her.”
He chuckled. “I think you’re right about that.”
I blew out a harsh breath. “How could I have been so close to her and never known?”
“Maybe you two were so close because you did know on a subconscious level, or your Mori did, but she was too young to bond. Until now.”
Until now. His words resonated with me. Was it possible my Mori had recognized Beth as my mate from the very beginning? Could that be why I’d always felt so protective of her and why I suddenly began to want her when she’d become a young woman? Was that why my attraction to her hadn’t faded away in the years since?
I’d beaten myself up for years over my feelings for Beth, and I’d stayed away from her because of them. If I’d gone back to see her, we would have bonded when she was old enough, and it could have saved us so much pain. God, I was such a fool.
“And now she hates me,” I said almost to myself.
“I don’t believe that.”
“You don’t know the whole story. She has good reason to.”
He waited patiently for me to elaborate. With a deep exhale, I told him the truth about why I hadn’t been back to Longstone or seen Beth in four years. It felt good to unburden myself to someone who listened without judgement.
I grimaced. “I felt like a pervert, thinking about her that way.”
Nikolas’s next question took me by surprise.
“Do you think you would have thought your attraction to her was wrong if you’d just met her when she was sixteen? If you hadn’t known her since she was a little girl?”
“I would have wondered what had gotten into me, but it wouldn’t have felt so wrong.”
He nodded knowingly. “Sara was seventeen when we bonded, and I felt conflicted, too. One minute, all I saw was her youth and how much she needed my protection. In the next, I would see my mate. It was not easy at times.”
“That’s putting it mildly.”
The two of us smiled at the mention of his turbulent months with Sara before they’d mated. It hit me then that I was in for the same stormy ride with Beth. Maybe worse.
I groaned. “I’m screwed, aren’t I?”
“That depends. Are you going to break the bond?”
“No,” I replied vehemently.
“Then yes, you’re completely screwed.”
“Thanks for sugarcoating it.” I leaned forward to rest my head in my hands.
He laughed and stood. “Get some rest. You’re going to need it.”
My gaze moved to the guesthouse.
“She’s not going to talk to you tonight, and you’ll drive yourself crazy sitting out here. Trust me on that.”
He went into the house, and I stayed where I was. Nikolas was right, but it was hard to leave Beth when she was so upset. Even without the bond, I could never stand to see her cry. But I also knew my presence would cause her more distress. As much as I needed to be near her, I couldn’t do that to her.
I entered the house and went to my room to shower and stretch out on my bed. But after an hour of staring at the ceiling, I dressed and made my way to the control room. I might as well get some work done as long as I was up. Brock was the only one there, and he shot me a look of surprise when I walked in at 4:00 a.m.
“Something up?” he asked.
“No. Couldn’t sleep.”
I sat at one of the work stations and started the report for tonight’s incident. Technically, the warriors at the scene were supposed to do the report, but I had a feeling none of them would mind me doing the tedious work. Jordan hated reports, and Beth had enough to deal with. Sara didn’t mind reports, but she wouldn’t say no to some help.