I wasn’t stupid or naïve. I knew a man like Chris didn’t live like a monk and that he’d probably had a lot of lovers. It wasn’t something I liked to think about, so I tried to never let my mind go there. But coming face-to-face with an ex-lover of his had almost gutted me.
“Beth, are you okay?”
I stopped outside the main exit and turned to look at Adam, who approached me with concern etched on his face. Jordan and I had run into him in the club earlier, but I hadn’t seen him since. Or maybe I’d been too caught up in Chris’s spell to notice anyone else.
I forced a smile. “Yes. I’m just a little tired.”
“Wes went to get the car. Can we give you a ride home?”
“I’m good, thank you.”
I appreciated his chivalry, but I also knew he was interested in more than friendship. I didn’t want to send him any false messages. Not to mention what could happen if I arrived at the house in the company of another male. For the moment, I was still bonded to Chris, and bonded males were possessive and volatile. I would not drag Adam into that.
Adam frowned. “At least, let me get you a taxi.”
I nodded gratefully, and he hailed one of the many cabs cruising the street for fares. He opened the back door for me, and I thanked him as I got in. At the light I looked back, but Adam had already gone. In his place stood Chris. I couldn’t see his face, but I could feel the weight of his stare even after we rounded the corner and he disappeared from sight.
When I could no longer sense him, I sank back against the seat with a ragged sigh. It was a brief reprieve because he wouldn’t be far behind me. I thought about telling the driver to take me to a hotel instead of the house because I felt too fragile inside to deal with anything else tonight. But if Chris went home and I wasn’t there, he’d freak and everyone would worry.
I beat everyone else home, and I was dressed in jeans and a comfortable sweater by the time I felt Chris arrive. I stood in the living room and waited, knowing he’d come directly to me. The door opened, and he entered, closing it behind him before he faced me. In his eyes, I saw pain and regret, but also determination.
He entered the living room, but something in my expression must have warned him against coming too close. Stopping a few feet away, he held up his hands.
“Let me explain, please. That woman –”
“I know all I need to know about her. I know you had a life before this and that you didn’t spend it alone.” My voice cracked, making me sound younger, which fueled my anger. “I don’t care about your love life or who you share your bed with.”
His eyes narrowed. “The only woman I’ll share my bed with is you.”
The possessive gleam in his eyes sent a rush of heat through me. But it was only my body reacting to the bond, nothing more. I needed to remember that if I was going to come out of this with my heart intact.
I crossed my arms and stood my ground, determined to say my piece and get this over with.
“Do you know where I was four years ago, on July Fourth?” I asked with as much coldness as I could muster. “I was sitting in my bedroom, waiting for you because you never missed a holiday. I figured it had been a month since my birthday, so that whole thing would be forgotten and you’d show up like nothing had happened.”
“Beth –”
“But you never came, not then, not ever. I cried myself to sleep that night, hating myself for telling you how I felt and for driving you away. And all that time, you were with some woman whose name you probably can’t even remember. But she was obviously more important to you than I was.” My voice broke on the last few words, but I got them out.
Chris’s eyes filled with anguish. “I’m so sorry, Dove. I never meant to hurt you. I thought I was doing the right thing not going back.”
“You were wrong,” I said hoarsely.
“I know.” He took a step toward me. “I swear I’ll make it up to you. I’ll do whatever it takes.”
My heart felt like it was breaking for the second time.
“In a way, I’m glad we ran into that woman. It reminded me how much you can hurt me. I can’t go through that again. I won’t.”
He went still. “What are you saying?”
My Mori howled and pressed forward, trying to take control and stop me from doing what it read in my thoughts. I never should have let it go on this long, never should have let my Mori get close to his. I never should have allowed myself to fall for him again.
“I…”
I choked. I knew the words I needed to say, but I couldn’t form them. It was like hands were squeezing my lungs and making it impossible to draw a breath.
A sob welled in my chest, working its way up my throat, and I put a hand over my mouth to keep it in. I spun away from Chris, trying to pull myself together. I would do this. I had to.
Hands gripped my shoulders, turning me and crushing me against his hard chest. I tried to pull away, but he refused to release me as he buried his face in my hair.
“Don’t,” he said harshly. “Don’t say it.”
The desperation in his voice was my undoing, and the last of my composure crumpled. Years of hurt and abandonment spilled forth in a torrent of tears that soaked his shirt and left me feeling achy and hollow.
Chris held me the whole time, his strong arms wrapped around me like they would shelter me from the world. For a few minutes, I pretended that was true. I closed my eyes and let his warmth and strength envelop me. I felt like I was exactly where I was meant to be.
When I could stand on my own again, I pushed away from Chris. His arms fell slowly to his sides, and he stood there quietly, waiting for me to say something. I avoided his gaze as I summoned the energy to speak.
“I need to be alone.”
“You’re upset. Let’s just talk,” he said gently.
“I need space.” I took a breath and met his eyes. “From you.”
Pain flickered in his eyes. It wasn’t my intent to hurt him, but I didn’t know what else to say. I hadn’t been able to break the bond, and I needed to figure out what that meant. One thing I knew was I couldn’t think straight with him around.
“Please.” I hugged my waist trying to hold back the emotions that threatened to burst from me again. “Please, go.”
He raised a hand and let it fall. Then he turned away and did what I’d asked.
Chapter 14
Beth
When the tall iron gates of Longstone came into view, I felt the tears I’d warded off all day burn the back of my throat. I lifted my visor to greet the warriors manning the gate, but I didn’t stop to talk. I’d ridden all day to get here, and there was only one person I wanted to see.
I’d left Los Angeles long before dawn, stopping once for gas and food and to finally return Mason’s frantic voice mails and texts. He’d had a minor freak out when he read the note I’d left for him on our fridge, and he’d wanted to know why I’d left without him. He would have gladly come with me.
I’d explained to him that I needed to do this alone and promised I’d text him as soon as I got home. Immediately after I parked my bike near the main garages, I sent off a text to tell him I’d arrived safely. His response came less than a minute later.
About time. I’ll let everyone know.
By everyone, I knew he meant Chris, who had called and left texts for me, too. I’d asked Mason to let him know I was going home and to tell him to please not come after me.
I’d gotten about five hours from Los Angeles when I’d surfaced from my misery long enough to realize what my leaving would do to Chris. Last night, I’d tried to break the bond, and today I’d taken off without a word. He had to think I was running with no intention of going back.
Am I?
I’d been asking myself that question ever since I rode away from the command center, and I was no closer to the answer now than I was then. Mostly because it hurt too much to think about what would happen if I walked away from Chris forever.
Tell him, I started to type. I deleted it and sent a simple Thanks.
Grabbing my small duffle, I walked across the compound to the residential area. Unlike military strongholds, Longstone was laid out more like a small town with actual houses, a school, and even a park. There were a lot more families here, too, which meant more children of all ages. I recognized many of them as I passed by, and they all called greetings to me. I waved and smiled, but continued on without stopping.