She nodded to the floor beside her chair. “And that’s Finn. Loves food and hugs in that order.” I glanced over at the big, black ball of fur sprawled out on his side, his tongue hanging out and resting on the floor as he snored.
Kilter pulled out a chair. “Sit.”
I sat.
He picked up the plate in front of me and proceeded to fill it with scrambled eggs, several pieces of toast, bacon, sausages, slices of cheese, and tomato. Then he placed the heaping plate down in front of me.
“Frig, Kilter, even I can’t eat that much,” Jedrik said as he winked at me. “Don’t worry, you don’t have to sit at the table until it’s all gone. Some of us are normal.” He shoved the last of his bacon into his mouth and spoke while tapping his fork in the air. “Well, I for one want to apologize,” he paused, swallowing, “for not getting you out of that place. Kilter didn’t tell any of us he was going. He thinks he’s Batman and needs to save the day all by himself.”
“Quill was there,” Kilter muttered as he poured me a glass of orange juice.
“Only because you needed an explosive expert,” Jedrik retorted.
Kilter shrugged.
Hack said, “We could’ve helped.”
“Obviously, didn’t need it,” Kilter replied.
Anstice piped in, “Well, it’s done, so we’ll deal with the consequences.”
“Yeah, Waleron,” Hack muttered.
There were a few minutes of silence with a subtle tension in the air.
“Umm, who is Batman?” I asked.
Everyone’s eyes darted to me. Hack had his sandwich halfway to his mouth; Jedrik’s fork paused in midair, and Anstice’s brows rose with surprise. Kilter was the only one whose expression stayed the same.
“Superhero,” Jedrik said. “Bat cave. Bat mobile. Wears all black. Kicks serious ass.” I shook my head. “Not much TV in that place, eh?”
“Not really.” Anton didn’t allow me any newspapers or television. He said it would rot my mind with lies. More like he wanted to be certain he controlled what I read. The teachers he’d hired when I was growing up were given a strict protocol of what to teach me.
Jedrik grinned. “No worries. We’ll fix that. We have thousands of movies downstairs and a huge big screen with surround sound. Anstice can take you after breakfast.”
“I’ll do it,” Kilter said.
Hack snorted.
“Kilter, maybe she’d be more comfortable with another woman?” Anstice said.
Kilter shifted his food around on his plate, lips pursed together. When he met my gaze, he nodded to my plate. “Eat something.”
Everyone thought it was so easy to eat. Bite, crunch, chew, and swallow. Putting food in my mouth was like handing over the keys to my soul. It was easier to suffer. Safer. It didn’t hurt anyone but me, and it gave me control, something I’d never had in my life. The only time I lost that control was when Anton drugged me and forced food in me.
That was when despair was the greatest. Total loss of my life.
I shuffled the food around on my plate, but I couldn’t eat. I was never hungry anymore; my stomach was so accustomed to being empty that the sensation had disappeared.
“Fuck,” Kilter mumbled then dropped his fork on his plate, got up from the table, kicked his chair aside, and left the room.
A part of me wanted to rush after him. And do what? Lie and tell him I’d eat. I was caught in this web of mind play that I knew was killing me, but hiding who I was became more important than living.
“If you choose not to eat, that’s your choice, Rayne,” Anstice said. She half-smiled and tilted her head, and a long lock of red hair fell against her right cheek. “And I know it will take time, but we’re here to help. You’re free now.”
Free? Was I, though? Physically I was, but mentally, I was trapped within my body. Afraid of shadows, of what was around the next corner.
Jedrik got up, cleared his throat, and then punched Hack in the shoulder when he continued to shovel food into his mouth. “What?”
Jedrik raised his brows.
Hack looked at me then Anstice. “Right. Yeah.”
They picked up their plates and left the dining room.
As soon as they did, Anstice leaned forward, forearms resting on the table. “I don’t know what happened to you. All I know is what Quill told us last night and what my husband told me from when Ryker was held captive.” She reached across the table and placed her hand on mine. “And what my body tells me.”
I slipped my hand out from under hers and placed it in my lap. The Wraith woman, Genevieve, was able to get into my head when she touched me, and I wasn’t chancing Anstice being able to do that, too.
Anstice continued, “You know about us and our abilities?” I nodded. “Well, I’m a Scar Healer.” Anton had talked about Healers a lot because he’d wanted to get his hands on one. “I’m able to heal wounds and I feel when a body is hurting.” She paused. “Your body is hurting, Rayne.”
I knew my body was hurting, but I was screwed up and self-destructing. It had been too long living this way, and now I couldn’t find my way back. I didn’t know if I wanted to.
She stood. “Come on. I’ll show you the movies.”
Anstice laughed while tapping her finger on the computer screen to a movie called Mr. and Mrs. Smith. “Look at this.” She pointed to Jedrik’s comment and rating below. “This is so him. Triple ten and, ‘She can shoot me anytime.’” She rolled her eyes. “He’s harmless, but a total player. He and Delara are best friends. You’ll meet her soon. Right now, she’s living at my best friend’s place above her art gallery.”