I closed my eyes as desire flared.
“Tell me,” he urged. His thumb stopped moving and I glanced up at him. He smirked. God, I loved his smirk.
“My parents knew about my abilities and explained them to me when I was about four or five. But I didn’t understand them—and I don’t think they did either.”
“Were you adopted?” he said.
I frowned. There was that possibility, but they hadn’t told me that. “I don’t know.”
“They couldn’t have been Scars. Otherwise, we’d have known about you. But they knew about your ability. That doesn’t make sense.”
“I was too young to make sense of anything. I remember the first time I used my ability. My mother had been crying over a patient dying at work. I crawled into her lap and hugged her. My ability happened naturally. All I wanted was for her to stop being sad, so I took it away.”
Kilter’s fingers trailed down my abdomen to my side where he settled his hand on my hip.
“She was scared at what I’d done. So, you’re right, my parents weren’t Scars. But they also knew about my tattoo.”
“Your Ink? On your shoulder.”
I nodded. “They told me to never talk to it. I didn’t understand at the time, until my parents died and I was with Anton. I was so scared and alone, spent most of my time in a room alone. That’s when I began talking to it. Serafina—that’s what I call her—or did.” I looked away from him, my fingers curling in the sheet. “I lost most of my abilities and Serafina when I was a teenager.”
“Weight loss?” Kilter asked.
I nodded. “I was trying to hide my abilities from Anton. I hated it when he made me use them. For hours he’d put me in this laboratory hooked up to all these machines. I wasn’t allowed to leave until I did as he asked. Move objects. Tell him what emotion he was feeling again and again. I hated it so much that I’d have done anything to stop it. When I was twelve, before I lost weight and still had my abilities, I tried to leave.”
“How?”
I hesitated.
“Baby, no matter what you did, I will never turn my back on you.” He leaned forward and kissed me. It wasn’t all consuming, but it was sweet and trusting, and I loved that part of Kilter, too.
“I can go further than what I did with you and my mom. I can take more than just emotions.” I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. “I can take life.”
His thumb never missed a beat as it continued its slow movement over my hip. “How?”
“I stole a man’s emotions until he had nothing left. It killed him. I’d never done it before, but I was desperate and young and didn’t think it through. I had no plan except to escape. Maybe if I’d been smarter I’d have hidden my Ink from Anton when I was younger and Serafina could’ve helped me escape, but when I was eleven, he snapped a metal band around my Ink so I could never call to her.”
“He must have known about our Inks, babe.”
Yeah, he probably did. “He removed it years later, but by then, I was so thin that my Ink no longer responded to my voice.”
“And the man you killed?”
“A guard came to take me to the room where Anton made me practice my skills. Normally, I didn’t fight, but I don’t know. That day I lost control. When he put his hand on my arm, my powers took over and I couldn’t stop myself. He was shocked at first. I could see it in his eyes when he couldn’t catch his breath. He tried to push me off him, but I kept taking his emotions until there was nothing left. He fell to the floor and died.
“I ran. Scared of what I’d done. Of Anton finding out. Of who I was. I made it to the wall, but…” The memory was as if it were yesterday, running, terrified and knowing if I was caught I’d never have the opportunity to escape again. “I couldn’t get over the wall. I just couldn’t. Too many guards watched the gate, so the wall was my only choice, but it was too high. It was too high and they were coming after me. I was weak from killing the guard and couldn’t call on my Ink, so I failed. I failed and Anton dragged me back.” A single tear slid down my cheek and Kilter’s finger gently wiped it away. “I didn’t see the sun, moon, rain, or sky for months after that. When he let me out of the room, he’d hired Ben, and I knew I’d never have the opportunity again.”
“Fuck, babe.” Kilter tightened his hold on my hip and dragged me up against his side. “I’m sorry.” He leaned over, kissed my brow and nose, and slowly lingered over my lips. “I’m sorry I left you behind. It was selfish and cold, and it was cruel.”
“I’m sorry for what your brother and Gemma did to you,” I whispered. “I wish I could have been there. I wish I could have helped you.”
“You did, Rayne. You gave me peace with what you did with your ability.”
“But you found out she betrayed you.”
He nodded. “But it was the truth.” He lowered his head and kissed me. It was soft and yet held so much meaning to it. When he pulled back, his eyes were warm and gentle. “Babe, you trusted me not to hurt you. No one has trusted me in a long time.” He paused. “I don’t think you realize how fuckin’ special you are. Not for your ability, but for who you are as a person.”
Kilter didn’t give compliments easily or lightly and I didn’t know how to respond to that, so instead I kissed him.