My muscles constrict beneath his touch and every ounce of the comfort Laylen put in me singes into ash. “To feel what way?”
His lip part, then he shuts his eyes tightly. “Out of control. Lost. Confused. Terrified. I’m not supposed to let those things get to me.” His eyes open and I suck in a breath at the rawness they emit. “You want to know something real about me, Gemma? I’m empty. Dead. Completely numb inside, except for when I’m around you. I’m hot and cold because I try to fight my feelings, because that’s what I’m supposed to do—that’s the right thing to do.”
I think about what he said earlier: what’s right and what he wants. “Do you want to feel those things though?”
“I want to feel a lot of things.” His fingers burrow into my hip and I shudder as heat caresses my skin. He bends his elbow and with one hand pulls me across the seat toward him. When I’m near enough, his free hand grabs my waist; he lifts me up and sits me down on his lap so I’m straddling him. My chest heaves erratically as he traces his finger up my cheekbone and tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear.
His lips dip toward my neck. “Whenever I’m around you, I forget everything else.” He doesn’t explain if that’s good or bad, and I don’t get a chance to ask him because his teeth nip at my neck and I forget how to speak.
I bring my hands up to the back of his neck, then slide them up and tangle them into his hair. His mouth opens and his tongue rolls along my neck. I draw his face closer and lift my h*ps up and his mouth nears my collarbone. I’m completely ready to go back to the feeling I experienced on the bed in the cabin. I want him to explore me further. I want him to touch me all over, but he gives me a quick kiss and then pulls back. I’m about to object when he picks me up by the waist and I nearly smack my head on the ceiling of the car as he lays me down on the seat. Then he covers my body with his and kisses me hard, stealing my breath away.
When our bodies can’t take it any longer, he pulls away and looks down at me as we both pant. I can feel it, just like he said, the numbness in me when I’m not with him being filled and I need more. I move my hands up his muscular arms and the longer I touch him, the more I let go because I let my emotions own me. When I reach his back, I try to force him to me, but he shakes his head in protest.
I frown. “What’s wrong?”
His eyes shadow over with a look that sends my body into a fit. He kneels up and grabs my arms roughly. I let him because I want to and that’s all that matters. In one quick motion, he pins my wrists together and restrains them above my head. Then he lowers himself back on me as his hand glides down my body. When he reaches the top of my dress, he jerks it down and my br**sts spring free. Moments later, his mouth is devouring my nipple, licking it and biting it gently. There are too many emotions inside me; need, want, hunger, panic, fear, connection, serenity. It’s potent and amazing to the point of overwhelming.
I arch my back up as my ni**les harden and then let my legs fall open. His hand immediately slides down my stomach to the bottom of my dress, then his mouth moves upward, his breath soft on my skin and his lips wet. His other hand keeps my arms pinned up above my head as his fingers slip up my inner thigh. I want to grab him, dig my nails into him and let it all out, but I’m helpless and can only cry out.
“Oh my god.” My neck arches as my body curves into him.
He moves his lips from mine and looks me in the eye as his fingers graze the trim of my panties. For a faltering second, I almost tell him to stop. I’ve never done this before. I’ve never done anything at all, except with him. I’m deprived in every area of human affection and it’s terrifying to think that he’s going to be inside me. As he slips his fingers beneath the fabric, the fear and doubt are immediately replaced by this need to find out what it feels like to be alive and connected. He waits long enough for me to stop him before he slides a finger inside me.
“Fuck,” he groans and he lowers his mouth to mine as he begins to move his finger.
My ni**les brush against his chest with every ragged breath I take and I find myself wishing he had his shirt off so I can feel his skin touching mine. I moan and bite at his lips and he bites back at mine. It feels so good and my h*ps start to move against him. I can feel it again, the sense of freedom from a world of pain. It’s almost within my reach. Right as I’m about to reach it he slips another finger in me and his mouth leaves mine. My lips part as my neck arches and my head tips back. He watches me fall blindly into a feeling I’ve only experienced with him and I want to stay there. Forever.
As I come back down, he slips his fingers out of me and releases my wrists. I leave my worn-out arms above my head as he props up on his elbows, one on each side of my head. I work to regain control of my breathing and he smoothes my hair back from my damp forehead.
He studies my eyes carefully with a small, smug smile on his lips. “There, now I can look you in the eyes again.”
My lips turn upward, but I’m too tired, overwhelmed and drained to speak.
The smile erases from his lips and he lets out a slow sigh. “I’m completely f**ked.”
I’m not sure what he means. “Why? Because of me?”
He traces my cheekbone with his finger and I will my eyelids to stay open. “Because I wasn’t even supposed to become friends with you.”
I’ve yet to understand what the term friend means on a personal level. “Is that what we are? Friends?”
He lets out a soft laugh as his hand strays to my jawline and then to my neck. Repositioning his body slightly to the side, he traces a delicate path down my collarbone to the curve of my breast and then the pad of his thumb grazes my nipple. “We’re not even close.”
My body quivers underneath his touch and he begins to lower his lips to mine again. God knows what the hell we would have done next if the damn bell on the store’s door didn’t ding. He jumps off me like I’m made of fire and grabs my arms to aid me upright. I reach for the bottom of my dress to pull it back over my legs and he grabs the top and covers my br**sts.
I’m combing my fingers through my hair when the passenger door swings open and the interior lights click on. Aislin climbs into the car, carrying a petite silver box with delicate flower engravings on the frame of it.
“Okay, so we…” She trails off when she catches sight of us. “What are you two doing?”
“Sitting here, talking,” Alex answers with a nonchalant shrug. “We had a bit of an incident inside and needed a time out.”
She eyes me over with accusation. “Gemma looks flushed.”
“That’s because the accident involved her,” Alex says with a blasé attitude and I realize just how good of a liar he is.
“Oh no.” She sets the box down on the console. “What happened?”
“I went into a vision,” I say, noting the lingering breathlessness in my tone.
“What!” she exclaims so loudly a dog from one of the nearby yards starts howling. She lowers her voice. “You’re a Foreseer.”
I shrug, but Alex shakes his head. “I don’t think so. I think it was the star’s power that set it off. You know the divination crystal runs off energy.”
“Yeah, but does the star radiate that much power through her? I thought it was controlled inside her.”
“Who knows how it works, Aislin. You know nothing’s ever happened like her. She’s basically a mystery.”
The moment of bliss I experienced just seconds ago vanishes as everything catches up with me again. I’m reminded of what I am, what I used to be. I’m reminded of the pain, the desolation, the betrayal. They continue to chat about me like I don’t exist and, after a while, I kind of wish I didn’t.
Laylen climbs into the car and then we’re on the road, heading back to the house. I rest my head against the window and allow exhaustion to take my body as I shut my eyes. I drift to sleep, wondering what my dreams will hold.
Chapter 16
I’m plummeting deeper into the murky lake; the water smothers my lungs and blinds my eyes. I kick my legs, trying to fight my way to the surface. I refuse to drown. I refuse to die.
“Gemma.” A voice floats up from beneath my feet. “Hang on.”
I kick harder and paddle my arms, attempting to doggy paddle.
“No, Gemma, down here,” the voice comes from below me and I’m overpowered by a comforting feeling. I know whoever it is won’t hurt me. I’m supposed to listen to it… I’m supposed to go to it. My legs and arms go limp and my dead weight carries me down to the bottom of the lake where tall grass encloses me.
“Good,” the voice entices. “Now, I need your help.”
For what? I think.
The voice responds inside my head. I need you to save me.
How?
Just trust me.
I trust you. Bubbles float from my mouth.
Good. Now, whatever you do, don’t panic.
Why?
A set of fingernails stab into my ankles and I’m being hauled downward again. I panic and claw at the water, but I’m drowning; useless, becoming part of the dead. For a brief, yet very important moment, I don’t care.
***
Someone shakes my shoulder. “Gemma, wake up.”
My eyelids snap open, I spring upright, and my head smacks into Alex’s. “Don’t touch me!”
“Fuck, Gemma.” Alex surrenders his hands up in front of him and I pant loudly and hug my legs to my chest. “Calm down.”
I eye his hands, then glance around at the vacant front seats of the GTO and then at the shelved walls of Laylen’s garage. The interior light is on and the car door is wide open.
“Where are Aislin and Laylen?” I stretch my arms above my head, curl my back in and stretch.
“They’re already inside,” he says as he reaches around the seat and flips the lever. “Getting things set up for Aislin’s spell.”
I yawn. “How long have we been sitting out here?”