“I think it would be fabulous,” Satan replied.
“You would.” I pulled on my hair and wondered how I’d gotten so lucky as to have the craziest, most powerful, nut jobs in existence for my family. “But it’s not happening. I’d considered a destination wedding, but the logistics were heinous. The wedding will be here.”
“Suit yourself,” Mother Nature said with an angry shrug that caused a slight tremor in the room. “But you’ll be sorry.”
With that, my unstable, pole-dancing grandmother left the building in a spray of sparkling peach and gold glitter. However, she left the trees and birds behind.
“It’s never good to screw with Mother Nature,” Satan warned with an enormous smile on his devastatingly handsome face.
“It’s fool Mother Nature, fool,” I corrected him, flopping down in a chair and letting my head fall to my hands. Maybe getting married was stupid. Ethan and I were already mated, which in our world was the equivalent and far more biding than the human ritual.
“Yes, well, screwing with is far more detrimental,” Satan replied as he opened the top drawer of the desk and procured a few more items.
“What is it with you people and office supplies?” I demanded, watching him load his pockets.
“I’m not exactly sure,” the Devil said thoughtfully. He eyed the Mont Blanc pens lovingly and re-pocketed them. “I used to be obsessed with craft supplies. And then it was home improvement paraphernalia. Now I like the occasional stapler.”
His statement was so weird I had nothing to add. The thought of the Devil in the scrap- booking aisle of my local craft store was absurd.
“Let’s get back on track here,” I said, deciding to ignore the fact he’d just put printer cartridges into his briefcase and that one of Gigi’s birds had just pooped on the leather couch. “Will you do anything about the portals and the Demons coming through?”
Satan feigned deep thought for a moment and then a slow stomach-churning grin pulled at his lips.
“Will you consider my offer to have the wedding in Hell?” he countered.
It wasn’t really a question at all. It was a bargaining chip—blackmail. I knew it and he knew it. He was a son of a bitch, but what should I have expected from the Prince of Darkness?
After a long moment where I considered the pros and cons of tying the knot in the Land of Evil, I nodded my head. The Demon problem far outweighed my need for a human ceremony. The Vampyres were up our asses about the Demons—not to mention the Demons were dangerous to humans. If I could solve those problems, I could move on to the next one—getting the stingy, miserly Vampyres to pay their share to society.
Nothing on my list was appealing, but it all had to be done. Just a day in the life of a newbie Vampyre with far too much power.
“I’ll consider it,” I said slowly and prayed my smile didn’t look like I’d swallowed a lemon.
“Excellent,” Satan said. “Let me know when you arrive at a decision and I’ll get right on the portal leaking issue.”
Wait one damn minute…
“Did you open those portals on purpose?” My eyes narrowed and my hands began shooting sparks. I didn’t care who he was, he was about to get a massive ass burn.
“Of course not,” he said with so much indignation I was inclined to believe him. “I may be evil, but I’m not stupid. Till we meet again.”
In a blast of black sparkling magic, Satan left. Of course he didn’t leave empty handed. Nope, he’d absconded with half of the contents of Ethan’s desk and left me with a stupendously ugly deal on the table.
Ethan was going to blow.
Maybe I’d wait to put the suggestion out there tonight… in bed… when I was straddling him.
Chapter 3
“It wouldn’t be my first choice of venue, but if it will stop the onset of Armageddon you might want to consider the offer,” Gemma said as she modeled her maid of honor dress.
She looked exquisite, but I couldn’t enjoy the moment of watching my best friend, and soon to be Queen of the Fairies, try on the gorgeous Marchesa dress I’d chosen for her. My priorities were screwed.
“It’s not an offer,” I said morosely, as I flopped down on my bed and stared at the ceiling. “It’s a fucking command performance.”
“It could be worse, Astrid,” she reasoned with a giggle.
“Tell me what’s worse than getting married in Hell?” I challenged.
“Having your Uncle Satan preside over the wedding?” she suggested.
“Shit,” I muttered. I grabbed a pillow and tried to suffocate myself with it. Of course this was impossible since I was already dead. Being a Vampyre came with a few disadvantages. The inability to put yourself out of your own misery was one of them. “I have to tell him no, but I need him to close the portals. Wait, what the hell am I thinking? I know how to close the portals—I’m just not quite sure where they all are. Fuck it. I’ll whip up some magic voodoo and shut the damn things myself. I don’t need him—I’m definitely going to tell Satan no about letting him host the wedding.”
“Let me know when you’re going to do that,” my BFF Gemma said.
“Why? Do you want to be there?” I asked, peeking out from behind the goose down.
“Nope,” she said with a shudder. “I plan on going to another realm during that conversation.”