Tears clouded my vision and I held my breath.
“I will never forget, to this day, seeing her wheat-colored hair glistening with her father’s blood as she turned up her little cherub face to me in defiance. Her little expression was screwed up in anger and courage. That little girl defied my strength and power to stand up for what was right, something no other adult man or woman would dare to try.”
His eyes misted and he bowed his head over his forearms. He took a deep breath.
“I backed off,” he continued. “I backpedaled, fell to my knees, and submitted. Destiny called me a coward. She spat on me. But the image of little Aurora standing up for her daddy…” He shook his head. “What kind of monster had I become?” He huffed. “Scratch that. I knew exactly what kind. I’d become my father. And the realization sickened me. I begged my brother to let me stay so I could learn from him. I told him that when he started to feel I was usurping his authority, I would leave.
“He wouldn’t have asked me to go. He thought I was good for the pack. He would have sacrificed everything for his people, including his position. He certainly wouldn’t have fought me. I’d only grown stronger and better. Five years later, after he’d taught me everything I needed to know to be a good leader, neither of us could ignore the pack’s shifting allegiance. I walked away. I left my family, my friends… It was the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make, but I do not regret it.”
“But why not start up somewhere else?”
“Because I am still that monster I was twenty years ago. I am still filled with raw, uncontrollable rage, I just keep it on a very tight leash. I rule my emotions with my logic, avoid my heart entirely, and only let the beast out when I have no other choice. I do not trust myself to assume control of a pack, because if I should lose myself, no one would be able to tear me down. No one would be able to stop me.”
He reached over the bar and grabbed the bottle to refill his glass. He topped up mine, as well, though it was only halfway down.
“And a mate?” I asked.
“I enjoy relations with women, but I do not allow them—or myself—intimacy. I don’t let anyone close enough to love.”
“Is it because you’re afraid you’ll club them and drag them back to your cave by their hair?”
He sputtered into his wine and then pulled the glass away. He beat on his chest, coughing. I pounded on his back.
“You belong in that house. You’re just as cracked as your butler,” he wheezed.
“You were having a touching, tear-soaked moment. I wanted to ruin it for you.”
He wiped off his mouth with the back of his hand and laughed. “Thank you, yes. Good looking out. Me man. Me no like emotion.”
“That’s your caveman voice, I take it?”
“Yup.” He quieted. “In answer to your question, no, it isn’t the woman I’d club. I am afraid of what I’d do if she flirted or laughed with another man. That possessive quality doesn’t just go away. It’s in there. That’s the only reason Destiny was able to pull it out.”
His haunted expression crushed my heart. His worry that he was still off-kilter, that he was untrustworthy in the most basic of ways, threatened to bring tears to my eyes.
“Yeah, but…” I spread my hands, straightening up. “You’re not a dingleberry twenty-year-old guy anymore. Those idiots are ruled by their hormones, everyone knows that. Guys your age have actually reached maturity and can therefore be trusted a little more. As long as they’re good guys, I mean. And whatever you were like back then, Austin, you are a good guy. Doesn’t matter who your dad is. I mean look, my dad is a real asshole sometimes. Who has two thumbs and takes after her father?” I pointed my thumbs at myself. “This girl. But you don’t see me crying that I have a short temper and a gift for chasing people away, do you? No, you do not. And do you know why?”
He stared at me with a bewildered expression.
“Because I cry about it alone in a dark closet with wine and chocolate. So…” I smiled at him, hoping I had lightened the mood just a little.
A guy a little down the way looked over, clearly eavesdropping.
Austin turned his body the slightest bit, giving the guy a quick stare. The man started, lowered his brow, hunched, grabbed his wine, said “Dude,” and scooched down the bar. In that order.
“Your monster qualities can be helpful, though, you have to own that,” I said. “You can clear the room.”
“What can I do that a fart can’t?”
“Oh my God!” I burst into laughter. “Gross.” I smiled and bumped his shoulder with mine. “Just don’t be so focused on the bad that you miss the good. You made this town a haven where people who don’t belong anywhere else can feel safe. You’re providing that safety for them. You had a troubled spot in the past, but you took responsibility for it, and you made yourself better because of it. Now you are in a position of power, and you’re using your strengths selflessly. You won’t even allow yourself the title of the job you are clearly doing. That’s a damn good man in any book you look in…the very best guy. So be proud of that. Be proud of who you are, and don’t let the past negatively color your future.”
His eyes were intent as they beheld me. His gaze drifted down my face before settling on my lips. His intensity whispered across my skin, every bit as raw and dangerous as he’d claimed. I felt helpless within his magnetism. I wanted to reach out and touch the thick cords of muscle running his length. To taste those full lips. To let those large hands explore me while I basked in his safety and protection.
I knew what Destiny from his past must’ve been thinking. How exciting it would be to have a man who was ferocious and lethal to everyone else melt against you in the small hours of the night. To know your man would keep you in a cocoon of safety, protected from all of life’s demons, and would tear down the world to keep you there. Something about that spoke to the parts of me that were distinctly feminine.
But that man was a menace, as Austin had found out the hard way. And even if he wasn’t, life with that guy would get dull. You’d have to stand around and wait while he crushed heads, yet again. You’d have to keep a stock of Get Well Soon cards and your hand would absolutely ache from writing apology letters. Watching a movie in the theater? Forget it. He’d have the whole place in a riot. He’d be a royal nuisance.
Austin had so much more to give than some numbskull barbarian. He was funny and witty and so much fun. He was caring and steadfast. Welcoming to strangers. I loved seeing his eyes glitter when he was trying to hold back a smile. Or his focused expression when his mind churned, taking in new information.
“Destiny had half a man,” I said, my lips tingling as his intense gaze rooted to them. “Not the bad half or the good half, just half of a man. I think you needed a hard lesson so you could see the darkness that lives within you. And that’s okay. We all have demons. It forced you to find the other half of you—the kind, funny, steadfast, selfless half of you that balances out the whole. You are in the role of alpha, even if your situation here is not traditional. You guide people, protect them, and offer them a home. You lend your strength to the weak. You celebrate their wins. And yes, you unleash your monster on those who would hurt the family you’ve created. But that’s a necessary evil, and these people thank you for it because it is necessary for peace. You’ve struck the perfect blend, I think. In my opinion, you’re the best man you could be because of your past, not despite it. And I’m happy to have met you.”
In a rush he stepped toward me, wrapping an arm around my waist and grabbing the back of my neck with the other hand. He pulled me closer and pushed his soft lips against mine.
Twenty-Two
Electricity and adrenaline ran my length as though I’d grabbed hold of a live wire. Heat pooled in my core, throbbing. Aching.
I opened my mouth and he tilted his head, deepening the kiss. Trailing his hand from my neck down my back and pulling me in tighter, his strength arousing, my body fitting against his sensuously.
His kiss, scorching hot, turned languid. He sucked in my bottom lip before flitting his tongue with mine playfully. Expertly.
I moaned, utterly lost in the feel of his hard body under my palms. Utterly consumed with the spicy-sweet taste of him, like honey and cinnamon.
He pulled back, breaking away slowly, as though he were savoring the contact. My eyes fluttered, not ready to fully open.
“Sorry,” he whispered, his gaze roaming my face. “I think I’ve just needed to hear that for a very long time. I apologize for crossing the line. I lost my grip on that leash.”
I ran my tongue across my tingling lips. “That was a good kiss. I haven’t been kissed like that since Robbie Timmons out behind the art bungalow.”
“I’m not… I didn’t mean… This isn’t…”
“No, no.” I waved him away and shivered pleasantly. Lava flowed through my veins, so extremely delicious. If he was that good of a kisser, just think what else he was excellent at.
…genuinely satisfying night…
I cleared my throat and turned back to my wine. “Just give me a minute here. My ex was the world’s worst kisser. Like…really bad, so we never kissed. I haven’t actually kissed someone romantically in…over half my life. I used to love it. I loved making out. Thank you for showing me what I’ve been missing.”
His expression was troubled. Regretful.
“Relax.” I took a sip. “I’m happy in the friend zone. I know that wasn’t romantic, and I definitely will not try to get in your pants. There is no way in hell I am bumping uglies for the first time after the ex with someone I know. It’ll be a stranger, just in case I freak out. But that won’t be for a long while. I need a little me time.”
His lips pulled up into a grin. “Me time, as in…”
“Not everything people say is dirty, Karen.”