I looked into Jax’s eyes, my eyelids heavy, tears staining my cheeks.
"I'm so sorry, Star. I loved them too. I miss them too.” He brushed wet hair off my cheek. “I'm so sorry. I should have been there. This is all my fault."
Star. He hadn't called me that since we were little. Only my parents still called me that. I waited for the grief to swell again, but I'd cried all I could cry for the night, and a ravenous hunger overcame me instead.
I pulled away, covering my breasts with my hands as he turned off the now cold water. "I know you do," I said. "They loved you like their own. I know they wouldn't blame you, and you shouldn't blame yourself either. Even if you'd been there, you couldn't have stopped the Nephilim. No one could have."
But I would. Someday, I would.
He averted his eyes and handed me a towel, which I wrapped around myself before standing. "I'll go get dressed."
I grabbed the clothes he'd given me and the tissue box and left him in the bathroom.
I heard the shower turn back on as I dried off and dressed, then shoved the tissue box into a corner under his bed until I could figure out how to keep my few precious belongings safe.
He came out a few minutes later in just a towel, his body more muscular than I remembered, the wolf pendant he always wore dangling around his neck. I turned my head while he shrugged into his own clothes.
He handed me a brown paper bag and sat across from me on his bed. "Some food and some Life Force. You need to get your blood sugar up."
"Thank you. I'm starving."
He had his own bag, and we ate our food in silence. I took a bite of the turkey sandwich he'd brought and nearly spit it out. "I think this meat is bad, or something," I said, holding it out to him.
He took a bite. "Tastes fine to me," he said with his mouth full.
"Mouth closed when chewing," I teased, slipping back into old me as if the day hadn't happened.
He opened his mouth and stuck out his tongue, bits of half eaten food making a grotesque vision.
"You are disgusting," I said. "Seriously."
We both smiled, but our humor faded fast. I put the sandwich back in the bag and picked up the packet of Life Force, ripping it open and sucking out the sweet nectar that promised "life, health and the zenith force." I felt instantly better. I'd never much cared for Life Force as an energy drink before. It always made me a bit jittery. But now I pulled out a second packet and drank that down quickly, feeling the unquenchable hunger in my gut finally subside.
Around me, colors brightened, and my senses became more alert. No wonder everyone loved this stuff.
Jax finished his sandwich and his own Life Force, and then we sat back, looking at each other.
"Jax, what's going on? What were my parents a part of?"
He shifted on the bed, avoiding eye contact with me. "I'm not sure I should be the one telling you this… "
"Jax, please… I need to know. I have the right to know."
He nodded. "Years ago, before we were born, your parents found some kind of weapon, something that could cripple the Orders, something that could potentially lead to the destruction of the world. Some of the councilors wanted to use it on their enemies. Your parents argued against it. They won their case and, under orders, went into hiding with the device. My father was charged with guarding them. Once I was old enough, I was charged with guarding you."
All these years we were sitting on something that could destroy the world? "Why did you never tell me?"
"The same reason as your parents," he said, sadly. "They didn't want this life for you. They didn't want you to be a Templar."
"They were my parents. Parents never tell their kids everything. But you were my best friend. We grew up together and shared all of our secrets. How could you not tell me?"
"I'm sorry," he said. "But I couldn't tell you… because I couldn't hurt you. Or them. And because I'd taken an oath."
His fists clenched together, and I could see the pain he was in. I reached for his hand, and he took mine. And I realized that if he hadn't known about any of this, I would be alone right now. I couldn't reconcile all the lies, but I was grateful he was here. That I wasn't alone in this.
"What was it? What was the weapon?"
He shrugged. "Only the council knows… well, now anyways."
Because my parents knew. I tried to push that thought away, but… wait. He was wrong. I shook my head. "The Nephilim—he knew."
Jax dropped his voice. "I wouldn't talk about that. Not here. The people here have strong feelings about Nephilim. Most everyone believes they are extinct. If they aren't, we have an international crisis on our hands that could send us back to war."
I pulled my hand away and leaned back against his headboard. "You think I'm making this up?"
"I think things are changing," he said.
A knock on the door interrupted us, and a woman walked in without waiting for a response. She wore the tunic of a Knight of the Hospitallers, and I recognized her as the woman on the Council who had seemed cold and calculating. Jax stood and saluted her.
"I need to examine Miss Night," she said, looking at him instead of me.
"Of course, Grandmaster."
Um, hello, I'm in the room too.
"But… " Jax added. "You should ask her yourself."