In no time, I stood outside the pretty little house I’d grown up in. It felt like I hadn’t seen this place in years, although in reality, it had only been a month. Maybe it just seemed that way because so much had happened since Mason and I had set out from here to see the world.
I opened the door and went inside, setting my bag down in the living room. I hadn’t told Rachel I was coming home, but when I’d talked to her a few days ago, she’d said she was just back from a job in Portland and would be here for the next two weeks.
“Rachel,” I called in a voice that cracked from pent-up emotion.
She hurried out of her bedroom, her eyes wide. “Beth? You didn’t tell me you were –”
Taking one look at my face, she ran to me. “What’s wrong?”
“Everything,” I whispered before the dam broke and I began to cry.
She gathered me in her arms, and I buried my face against her shoulder like I used to do when I was younger. The last time I’d cried like this in her arms was the day Chris left Longstone without saying goodbye. I’d thought my heart was going to break in two that day, but that pain had nothing on what I felt this time.
Rachel held me while I cried, rubbing my back soothingly like moms do. When I started hiccupping, she led me over to sit on the couch and waited until I found my voice again.
“Do you want to tell me what happened?” she asked softly.
“I don’t know where to start.”
A few days after Chris had shown up in Los Angeles, I’d called Rachel and told her. I’d assured her I was okay with it and that he wouldn’t be there long anyway. She’d been satisfied with that, and she hadn’t pressed for more information about him. How did I tell her now that Chris and I had been bonded for almost two weeks and this was the first she would hear of it?
She tenderly brushed my hair back over my shoulder. “Is it Chris?”
“Why do you ask that?”
“In all the years I’ve known you, you’ve only cried like this for one person.”
I wrapped my arms around my waist as a fresh wave of pain hit me.
“It hurts so much. I can’t make it stop.”
“Oh, sweetie. What happened?”
It was several minutes before I could answer her. I took a breath and met her worried eyes.
“We bonded.”
“What?”
The word came out almost as a shout as Rachel gaped at me with wide disbelieving eyes. I was pretty sure that was the last thing she’d expected me to say.
Her mouth worked for a few seconds before she managed to speak again.
“Last night? Is that why you left Los Angeles?”
I bent my head so I didn’t have to see her face. “Two weeks ago.”
“I…don’t understand,” she stammered. “You never said anything.”
“I didn’t know what to say. I think I was in shock at first, and then…” I swallowed hard. “I was going to break it, but Chris said he didn’t want to. I was so confused, and before I knew it, I fell for him again.”
My throat closed up, and I took a few breaths to compose myself. Rachel didn’t speak as she waited for me to continue.
“I was starting to think I could get past what happened before, but last night…we had a big fight, and I knew it was over.” I told her what had happened at the club and after. By the time I got it all out, my words were coming between broken sobs. “But when I tried to break the bond, I couldn’t. And I don’t know what to do.”
Rachel’s arms came around me, and I curled into her as she stroked my hair.
“Is that why you left Los Angeles – to break the bond?”
“No. I was so upset, and all I could think of was coming home to you.” I let out a shuddering breath. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”
“I wish you had, but I understand how overwhelming this must be for you. Bonding is emotional enough without him being someone you were once so close to.”
“Why did it have to be him?” I wailed against her chest.
She heaved a sigh. “It was always going to be him.”
I went still. “What do you mean?”
“Maybe if I’d ever bonded, I would have seen the signs. Looking back now, it’s so obvious. There was a special connection between you and Chris from the moment he brought you home. You were already attached to him, and he went out of his way to help you settle in here.”
“He saved my life, and I was traumatized,” I said, sniffling.
“It was more than that, and I can’t believe I didn’t see it. Chris has always been overly protective of you, and he couldn’t stand to see you upset. Any time he thought he might be late coming home, he called me to give me a heads-up just in case. Beatrice used to joke about how Chris could never remember birthdays, but not once did he forget yours.
“You were happiest when he was around, and I wasn’t surprised when you developed a crush on him. I thought it would pass, and it wasn’t until after he left that I saw you were in love with him. No one is that devastated from a crush. I think your Mori was mourning, too, because it already knew Chris was your mate.”
I lifted my head to give her a disbelieving look. “You think Chris knew all along?”
“No, but I think his Mori might have.”
“Then why did he leave?” I asked angrily. “Why did he hurt me like that if he cared so much for me?”
“He wasn’t trying to hurt you. He was doing what he always did – protecting you.”
I let out a harsh laugh. “Protecting me from what?”
“Look at it through his eyes. You were sixteen and still a child compared to him. He couldn’t return your feelings, and he felt his presence would cause you more pain than his absence.”
“He told you that?”
“No, but I talked to him before he left, and he was beating himself up for making you cry. He called me every week for the first few months to see how you were.”
Shock rippled through me. “He called?”
“Yes. He was waiting for you to get over your crush before he came home again.”
I wasn’t sure what to make of the things Rachel was telling me. I knew she’d gone to see Chris that day, but not once had she mentioned being in contact with him afterward. All this time, I’d thought he’d left and forgotten me.
“But he didn’t come back,” I argued. “He never even called me.”
“I don’t know why he stayed away and didn’t call you. Those are questions only he can answer. But I do know he cared about you very much.”
I wiped the wetness from my cheeks. “It doesn’t matter anymore.”
“Doesn’t it? You love him.”
I didn’t deny it. In San Francisco, I’d felt something shift inside me when he’d kissed me on the boat and again when I’d woken up in his arms the next day. I’d started to wonder if there really could be something between us. It was why I’d agreed to go to dinner with him, and why I’d felt so comfortable dancing with him at the club.
When I couldn’t break the bond, I’d thought it was because I was weak. But as the hours passed during my ride here, the growing ache in my heart told me the real reason we were still bonded. I was in love with him.
“Sometimes, love isn’t enough,” I said hoarsely.
Rachel squeezed my hand. “And sometimes, all you need is a little time and space to put things into better perspective. And your mother.”
I rested my head against her shoulder. “I’ll always need you.”
We sat like that for a while before Rachel stood and smiled down at me.
“I’m going to make dinner, and then we’ll have a nice quiet evening, just the two of us.”
“I’d like that.”
I carried my bag into my old bedroom to shower and change after the long day on the road. Standing in the door to my bathroom, toweling my hair dry, I couldn’t help but think about all the laughter and tears this room had seen. The best years of my life had been spent here, and every picture and object held a memory for me.