He nodded sympathetically. If anyone knew what it was like to be separated from their mate, it was him.
“I know this is not what you want to hear, but give her time.”
“You’re right. I don’t want to hear it.”
I’d give Beth all the time in the world. I just couldn’t bear this silence and not being able to feel her nearby.
A white van and an SUV pulled up outside the building. We gave them a rundown on what they’d find inside before we walked to our bikes, which we’d parked down the street.
“You heading back to the house?” I asked Nikolas as he picked up his helmet.
“You’re not?”
I straddled my bike. “It’s still early. I think I’ll patrol for a few hours.”
Nikolas didn’t hesitate as he pulled out his phone and sent off a text. I gave him a questioning look, and he smiled.
“I told Sara we were patrolling together so she doesn’t wait up.”
“Okay then. Let’s ride.”
Chapter 15
Beth
My body buzzed with equal parts anxiety and anticipation as I turned into the driveway of the command center. It had been four days since I’d taken off for Oregon, and I wasn’t sure what kind of reception I’d get upon my return.
I was worried about what my friends thought of me for running out on Chris, but more than that, I wasn’t proud of myself for what I’d put him through. Yes, he’d hurt me, but what I’d done was almost as bad. I’d left him just hours after trying to break our bond, and I hadn’t spoken to him once since then. Separation was hard on bonded couples, but doubly so for the male. I’d known that, and I’d done it anyway. I hadn’t meant to be cruel to him, and this wasn’t some form of payback. I’d been so wrapped up in my own pain I’d selfishly ignored his.
The first thing that struck me when I neared the house was that I couldn’t sense Chris inside. The longer I’d stayed in my self-imposed exile, the more I’d missed feeling him nearby, until I was as jittery as a drug addict in withdrawal. My stomach clenched in disappointment, even as I felt a small measure of relief that I didn’t have to face him yet.
I parked my Harley in my usual spot and groaned as I stretched my aching muscles. I loved riding, but I’d been on the road since early this morning, after a short rest at the safe house in Sacramento. My butt was sore from sitting for so long.
I dropped my bag off at the empty guesthouse and went to the main house to see who was around. I found Raoul, Will, and Sara in the control room.
“You’re back.” Sara hugged me tightly, and her smile was wide when she let me go. “Did you just get here?”
“A few minutes ago. Where is everyone?”
“Nikolas and Chris are out checking on some properties David found. Mason and Brock went with them. I don’t know where everyone else is.”
Guilt pricked me again. While I’d been hiding out at home, everyone else had been dealing with the situation here and trying to find the missing girls.
“Is there anything I can do to help?”
“Not much anyone can do until we get a solid lead,” Raoul said. “But it’s good to have you back.”
I rubbed the stiff muscles of my neck. “Good to be back.”
“You okay?” Sara asked.
“Too long on the bike. I’ll be fine after I move around a bit.”
“Let’s go for a hike. We haven’t done that in a week, and it’ll help you work out the kinks. I could use some nature time, too.”
A vigorous hike sounded pretty good, and it would keep me occupied. Otherwise, I’d spend the day moping around here, waiting for Chris to come back. I had no idea what I was going to say to him, but he and I needed to talk. If I sat around thinking about it, I’d be a mess by the time I saw him.
“That sounds great.”
* * *
“Is this a hike or an expedition?”
I grinned at Sara, who was several yards behind me on the narrow ridge. “We’re almost there. Come on. The view is worth the trek.”
We continued along the ridge for a few more minutes, and I let out a deep breath when we reached the summit of Mount Baden-Powell. I loved coming up here, where all you could see were mountains and desert and sky.
Sara came to stand beside me. “Wow. Is that the Mojave Desert over there?”
“Yes. You like it?”
“I love it.” She took a long pull from her water bottle as she scanned the area. “I bet there are trolls in those hills.”
I jerked my head in her direction. “Trolls?”
She nodded. “Yeah. They love mountains and cliffs. Not that we’d ever find one of their caves. We could be standing on top of a troll clan right now and never know it.”
A laugh burst from me, and my whole body suddenly felt lighter. “I bet you’re the first person to stand up here and wonder where the trolls are.”
Sara chuckled. “Probably so.”
We sat on the rock, neither of us saying anything for several minutes as we enjoyed the view. One of the things I loved about Sara was that she never needed to fill the silence with conversation. If I’d brought Mason up here, he would have talked my ear off by the time we hit the summit.
“How is he?” I asked before I could stop myself.
Sara let out a breath. “Honestly? I’ve never seen him like this. Chris is usually the easygoing one, the one who makes others smile. I don’t think he’s smiled in days.”
I drew up my legs and rested my forehead on my knees. “You must think I’m a terrible person for leaving the way I did.”
“Of course not.” Sara’s hand rubbed my back. “I know how difficult bonding can be, especially in the beginning, and I’m pretty sure I put Nikolas through a lot worse.”
“You thought Nikolas didn’t want the bond when you tried to break it. I know Chris wants ours, and I still tried to end it.”
Her hand stilled. I felt her staring at me, but I kept my gaze on the wide stretch of desert below.
“You tried to break the bond?”
“Yes.” Pain pricked me as it did every time I remembered the look on Chris’s face the last time I saw him.
“Because of the woman at the club?” she asked softly, without judgement.
“You know about her?”
I hadn’t told anyone except Rachel and Mason about running into Chris’s former lover that night, and they would never break my confidence.
“Chris told me about her.” She was quiet for a moment. “You were getting along so well that night. I find it hard to believe that seeing a woman he went out with years ago would make you want to break the bond.”
“It wasn’t that he’d been with her. I admit that bothered me, but it’s not the reason I got upset.”
I told her about the encounter with the woman, and me realizing he’d been with her a month after he’d left Longstone for the last time.
Sara exhaled slowly. “I can see why that upset you. I’d feel the same way.”
“When I was younger, the last person I thought could ever hurt me was Chris. But he did, and it took me a long time to get over him. What happens if I bind myself to him and he hurts me like that again? It would destroy me.”
“Loving someone means putting your heart in their hands and trusting them to keep it safe.”
My throat tightened. “What if I can’t trust him to do that?”
She was quiet for a moment. “You need to ask yourself if you can learn to trust him, and you need to figure that out before either of you get in any deeper. Chris is crazy about you. It’ll kill him if you let the bond grow and then decide you don’t want it.”
“I don’t want to hurt him,” I whispered hoarsely.
“Do you love him?”
“Yes,” I breathed.
“Can you imagine a life without him?”
Tears suddenly clogged my throat, making it impossible to speak. I shook my head.
“Then you have your answer.”
* * *
Sara and I stayed up on the mountain for hours, talking about everything from relationships to books and music to places we’d like to see. When we finally returned to the car, it felt like a weight had been lifted from me. I wasn’t ready to jump into Chris’s arms, and the thought of trusting him with my heart still scared me, but I didn’t want to walk away, either.