When I moaned beneath his kiss, I instantly felt his withdrawal. No. Damn it, don’t do this again.
But it was too late. I felt the tension in him, the coldness seeping across his body to leak into me. God, he made me hate myself.
My hands fell from his chest and I shivered. Time couldn’t erase him. The realization hit me that I’d never break from this man. He could hurt me time and again, and yet . . . I still wanted every part of him. Tears fell, and I was disgusted with myself for allowing him to see me like this.
“Why? Why do you continue to do this?”
He kept his gaze riveted on me and I saw the anger swirling in the depths. I’d learned one thing since I’d been away from him. No matter how scared I was, I had to stand my ground. I’d survive without his love—I had survived—but to live with his bitterness, too?
“You left.” Waleron’s voice vibrated through the air. “You fuckin’ left!”
Goose bumps didn’t trickle across my skin; they darted in a wild frenzy. He was livid. He never swore.
His voice was so filled with rage that it took every ounce of courage to remain standing in front of him.
“Two years, Delara. Two years I searched for you. Nothing. No email. No messages. No calls. Nothing. That, I won’t forgive.” He pulled his duckhead candy dispenser from his pocket.
“God, why do you do that? I hate that thing.” My hand shot out and I grabbed the plastic container from him and flung it into the snow. “You walked away.” I tried to keep my voice controlled but I was slowly unravelling, and if he knew it, he’d finish the job himself. “You walked away from me. You chose life without me. What was I supposed to do? Watch you go off and have sex with Trinity?” The snake tattoo on the side of his neck, his Ink, hissed and its eyes flashed red. I stepped back. Waleron wouldn’t hurt me physically, but his Ink, I wasn’t so sure of.
“It was necessary. You know why,” he said.
“Bullshit. You chose to. We all have choices and you chose to sleep with that bitch for her visions. I get it. You protect us, all of us, but that doesn’t mean I had to stand around and watch you with another woman.”
“I want you in the Talde house by tomorrow. End of discussion, Delara.”
I snorted. “Not a chance.”
“Delara!”
Stand your ground. I gripped the sides of my jeans so hard my nails penetrate the denim. “I’m not living at the Talde house. And if you force this, I’ll retaliate. I need more time away from . . .” I was about to say you, but stopped myself. “I deserve this.”
There was a subtle twitch in his left cheek and I knew it well, just like everything else to do with this man—frustration. “With Balen gone, you’re our only Tracker. You’re a Scar. It’s your duty, Delara.”
My back stiffened. He had no right to ask this of me. I’d been nothing but loyal to the Scars.
“I’ll help if they need me, but I’m not coming back.” Was he completely numb to what we once shared? Did he feel nothing?
“And Tarek?”
Bastard had to bring up him. I crossed my arms, needing some kind of barrier from him. “He’s in Rest. I’ll deal with it when the time comes.”
“You can’t defeat him, Delara. When his Resting period is over, he will come for you.”
“It isn’t your problem.” But knowing Waleron, he’d make it his problem. The guy had an issue with allowing others to deal with their own problems. An addiction to protectiveness—among other things.
Waleron closed his eyes for a second, and for an instant, I thought I saw his pain in the way his brows drew together, but that was impossible, Waleron didn’t feel pain anymore. “I can’t give you what you want, Delara. I made it clear that night. I’ll never love again.”
“Yeah, and I was the idiot to think that maybe that night would change your mind. Well, I’m not an idiot anymore. So be angry. Hate me for what I did and will do again. Because I want love. I want something you can’t give, so I’ll find it elsewhere.” I wiped away the stray tear with the back of my hand. The words poured out and I knew by the twitch in his jaw and the shifting of his weight that he was uncertain whether I was spewing lies or not. I felt him pushing at my mind, but I managed to keep my thoughts blocked from him.
I wanted more. I wanted what we once had—truth, friendship, laughter, passion. He had all those qualities in him, somewhere deep in his black, jagged heart. I’d seen his laughter, felt his gentle touch, and even experienced his teasing. It had been the only time in my life that I felt . . . whole.
Then it all shattered.
To pieces.
With one caress of his hand across my cheek, he’d told me we’d never be together again.
I’d been so stupid to believe that in time . . .
All the years I’d hoped and prayed Waleron would come to his senses, but he never did. And his coldness had leached into me, sucking out my heart and pulling me under so I couldn’t breathe. I knew if I stayed near him any longer, I’d become like him, cold and unfeeling.
The deal he made with Trinity had been the last knife in my gut. To stand in front of him, the witch, Trinity, at his side, and knowing he would spend the week in her seductive arms, it had killed any shred of hope I had for us. If he had one ounce of compassion for me, he’d never have made that bargain with that bitch.
That night, I’d walked away wounded, bleeding, and alone. I knew leaving would hurt Jedrik, but facing Waleron after that . . . I couldn’t. I wasn’t strong enough to do that.