His voice. Gentle. Velvet soft, sliding over her skin and into her bones. She felt him pouring into her mind, directing her heartbeat to slow to the steadier rhythm of his. Her breathing took on a calmer, much more even pace. Still, for all his gentleness, it was a clear order, and for that she was grateful.
I do not know what you want from me. I do not know what to do.
She felt him stroke a caress through her hair as if he were there with her. The touch of his fingers on her face. Barely there, but felt all the same. Her body reacted strangely to his touch, coming alive in ways she had never known previously. Little goose bumps rising on her skin. Her nipples tightening. Butterflies taking wing in her stomach.
When I call for you to rise, Elisabeta, and come to me, you will float to the surface, freshen your body and hair, and clothe yourself if you wish. I will call you after I have fed. I will take your blood and then feed you. I do not want you feeding from anyone else unless I am unavailable, and then one of my brethren will see to your needs in my absence.
She couldn’t think of him being away from her. The idea was terrifying. Sergey would come immediately. He would know. She would some-how send for him. She jammed her knuckles into her mouth and bit down to keep from letting a single sound escape. She’d used the trick often to keep the vampire from knowing he’d gotten to her.
You have forgotten I am merged with you, päläfertiilam, there is no hiding your thoughts from me. I am not going to leave you alone until you are strong enough to keep from summoning the vampire. I have woven a shield and that will keep his shadow worms from invading should an accident happen. For now, rise and come to me.
I have never clothed myself. It was humiliating to have to admit such a thing.
It is time for you to practice, sívamet. He sounded very matter-of-fact. Calm. Normal. Not at all judgmental or impatient. You are Carpathian and you are powerful. I want you to feel your power. The vampire could not steal it from you. By taking your control he could make you believe you were helpless. You were young, a child when he took you, but you are no longer that child and you will learn how strong you are with time. Think in terms of small steps. While I enjoy every aspect of caring for you, Elisabeta, to have you do this would please me.
She took a deep breath. She wanted to please Ferro. She had a nature that naturally needed to bring peace and comfort to those around her. She recognized that that was the biggest part of herself. It was a gift she had, and she actually had to control it in order to keep from giving Sergey too much comfort. She had been ashamed that she couldn’t stop herself when his brothers had cruelly taunted and made fun of him, acting as if they were so superior.
She knew Sergey retained some of his emotions because of her. He felt the vicious, derisive insults his brothers heaped on him. They had from the time he was young, even before he had followed them, choosing to give up his soul. Elisabeta knew Ferro would see that she had given Sergey comfort and it shamed her even more. There were so many terrible secrets she had that her lifemate would find out, merged as he was with her. Even the healer and possibly his brethren had already discovered some of her shameful secrets in her memories.
Elisabeta, you will stop this instant. Ferro snapped the command in a fierce, curt tone.
She instantly jerked to attention. She had never heard him sound like that, but it stood to reason when everyone around them seemed to regard him as the most dangerous man in the room that he could command with such a frightening voice.
You will obey me at once and stop this nonsense. I will not have my lifemate ashamed of who she is. Your greatest gift is to bring peace to those of us without solace for centuries. Hunters live in the utter gray of nothingness and yet just your presence relieves that terrible burden. It matters little if you speak. Your voice adds to the length of time your gift lasts, but you were born with a trait few have. I will not have you in any way demeaning what is one of the most highly prized and rare gifts our people have. Do I make myself clear?
She knew he was right in that she couldn’t stop herself from reaching out when someone was distressed. In the room the rising before, when there were so many ancients without lifemates, she had felt their lost emotions when they had not. While they talked to one another, discussing her, she had huddled in Ferro’s lap most of the time, silent, but she had done her best to send out soothing waves to bring as much peace as possible to those in the room who would be receptive.
She wasn’t in the best of shape, weak from the long years of being kept half-starved. Her mind was fragmented, so scattered that at times it was very difficult to think for herself. She knew Sergey had deliberately tried to beat that ability out of her. He didn’t want her thinking. He wanted to control everything in her life. He was furious that she refused to turn over her lifemate’s soul to him, too afraid of losing her to push her beyond what he’d already done.
Elisabeta, I require an answer immediately.
Ferro wasn’t going to drop it. He didn’t sound angry, but she knew he bordered on something close to it. He really didn’t like her self-derision over her talent. They were connected, and she dared to touch his mind. He really believed that her ability to bring peace to the ancient hunters was worth more than any other talent others held. He took pride in her gift and took pride in her. The fact that she felt shame offended him in some way, as if her poor opinion of herself reflected on him. She didn’t like that at all.
You are very clear, päläfertiilam. I will always remember. I am coming to you now.
She would never forget that he took pride in her ability. She would do so as well. He was right in that she couldn’t control her need to soothe those around her. That energy radiated out of her without her consent whether she wanted it to or not. She had to accept that about herself and know that as long as her lifemate took pride in her, she would, too.
I want you to feel pride in yourself because you deserve to feel it, not because I feel it, Elisabeta. You are important on your own.
She wanted to be the woman he seemed to need as his lifemate, but deep down she knew it was impossible and she was always going to disappoint him. If he compared her to Julija, she would always come up short. The comparison would be laughable. She tried not to let herself feel as if there was no hope. She would learn the things she could. Rising on her own, cleaning her body and dressing herself couldn’t be that difficult—and yet it was.
She could float easily enough out of the ground. She made herself lighter than air. That wasn’t difficult. It took several tries to clean herself to her satisfaction, and she was very self-conscious, aware Ferro was merged with her and could see everything she did. She felt like a child attempting to do the same task over and over. At some point, when she was a toddler, her parents must have shown her how to do these things, but she had no memory of the lessons. Sergey had managed to destroy her memories of her earlier life with her family. The flashes of recollection were always accompanied by pain.
Ferro didn’t show impatience. In this instance, she almost wished he would. Her hair was thick and far too long. It fell nearly to her knees and weighed heavily on her head. It felt a tangled mess and she wanted to cut it and wear it short so she didn’t have to learn to manage it.
You will not.
That was a decree. Hard. Fast. A gut reaction that almost made her smile in spite of her frustration with the mass. Ferro definitely preferred long hair. At least she’d gotten that admission out of him. Not only had she gotten that out of him, but her hair was suddenly shorter, more to her bottom than to her knees, and now clean, untangled and neatly braided.
Thank you. It was a relief not to have to figure out how to do that task.
Now there was the matter of the dress. That long dress he’d shown her. It was a more modern style than she had ever conceived of wearing. She’d made the choice to wear the black-and-gray one the rising before because, although it did cling to her figure, it wasn’t quite as thin as this one was. She had the vision stored in her mind. She had set every detail of the dress in her mind so that she would be able to duplicate it when he asked it of her. Now, she was so afraid. How could she wear it?
May I ask you anything?
I have said so. There was no impatience in his tone, but his words implied that she should have remembered.
Will others see me in this garment?
Yes. Andor is bringing Lorraine to meet you. And Traian, your brother, is very impatient to see you.
She couldn’t help pulling back in horror, trying to distance herself from him. He refused to let go of their merging. She clenched her fists. This wasn’t going well at all and she’d promised herself she would do so much better this rising. Lorraine. The woman he felt affection for. How could she face her in such an indecent garment? And Traian? A brother she didn’t remember who would have expectations she couldn’t meet. She would hurt him without meaning to. It seemed she was doomed to fail everyone, especially her lifemate.
This wasn’t going to work. As much as she wanted it to, as much as she thought Ferro was the most heroic man in the universe, she couldn’t do this, not even for him.
“You are panicking for no reason, piŋe sarnanak,” Ferro said, his arms sliding around her waist from behind. “When you have need of me, you are to call out. Reach out. Hear our song. You have choices, Elisabeta, and one day you will remember that you have them. In the meantime, I will make your choice for you. Your choice is always me. I am your shield.”
He bent his head, his hair sliding against her bare skin, sending a shiver of awareness down her spine. His lips trailed over the side of her neck from her earlobe to the pulse pounding so temptingly there.
“You have not seen modern women and the way they dress. The dress I have chosen for you is extremely modest by comparison. You will look beautiful in it. I would not provide garments for other men to stare at your body. When we are alone, I can show you the types of clothing you can wear only for me.”
His teeth scraped over her pulse, and between her legs her sex clenched unexpectedly. Hotly. Her stomach did a slow roll.
“You must have more trust and faith in your lifemate, Elisabeta. I am ancient and I do not care for other males to be around my woman, especially those I do not know. I am more dominant than many of the other ancients. I was born that way and the centuries only amplified that trait in me. I worry that you will find me . . . difficult to live with.”