“I admire what you’re doing,” I told him. “But not everyone can be a hero.”
He gave a little nod, and I couldn’t help thinking he was disappointed in me again. He picked the last of the Rolos up off the table and slipped them into his pocket. Then he nudged the chairs back into place around the table and picked up the foil wrapper, removing nearly all signs that we’d been there. “That’s a shame, Lily. Because you’d make a pretty kick-ass hero.”
“Will you still help us get off the Farm?” I reached for his arm automatically, but regretted it the moment I felt him tense under my touch. “Even if we’re not going with you back to your mysterious stronghold?”
He stared at the spot where my hand rested on his arm. He closed his eyes for a second, then looked up at me.
I expected to see frustration in his eyes. Instead I saw humor. “You bet your sweet ass I am.” Then he grinned. That same shit-eatin’ grin I remembered so well from the Before. “It’s a long drive to Canada from here. That’ll give me, what, about twenty hours to convince you.”
My heart thudded desperately in my chest. “You’ll go with us? You’ll bring us all the way to Canada?”
After all his talk about the rebellion, I hadn’t dared hope he’d help us get to Canada.
He studied me for a second, no doubt seeing the pleading hope on my face. “Absolutely. There’s no way I’d get you out of here and then let you fend for yourself against the Ticks. What kind of a jerk do you think I am?”
“I don’t think you’re a jerk at all,” I said quietly, suddenly feeling awkward and very unworthy of that Dr Pepper he’d given me.
An hour ago, I’d been sure he’d betrayed us. A half hour ago, I’d been convinced he was crazy. Now, I was ready to trust him with my life. The thought was terrifying.
Despite that, I had no idea what Mel and I would face outside the Farm. But I did know this: having Carter on our side would greatly increase our chances of surviving.
“So what’s next?” I asked.
“Next, we find somewhere you can catch a couple hours of sleep. Dawn’s more than five hours away and you’ve still got the tranq in your system.”
“I’m fine,” I protested.
“You may feel fine right now, but you’ll be sharper if you sleep off the rest of the tranq.”
“Can’t we just stay here?”
“No. No one’s messed with the soda machine, so the building is probably unused, but we don’t know that for sure. And I’d rather be somewhere you’re familiar with.”
“I guess it’s back to the science building then.”
“If that’s the place you know best, we might as well use it to our advantage.”
I picked up my bag and slung it over my shoulder, preparing to leave. A single Rolo sat in front of my spot. I hadn’t eaten it yet and Carter hadn’t cleared it away with the trash. Quickly, I pulled off my backpack and dug in the front pocket until I found an old empty Altoids tin. I popped it open and carefully placed the Rolo inside. As I slipped the tin back into the pocket of my hoodie, I realized Carter was watching.
“You’re not just going to eat that now?”
“I don’t . . .” Suddenly my throat felt tight, so I pushed the words out quickly. “I don’t know when I’m going to have candy again.” If I’d ever have candy again. “I think I’m just going to keep it. For now.”
Carter frowned and gave the candy machine a thoughtful look. “You want me to get the rest of the candy out of there for you?”
“We’re out of money,” I pointed out.
Carter chuckled. “Oh, come on, I could break into that thing in less than a minute.”
“Then why didn’t you do that earlier?”
“I was trying to convince you I was trustworthy. Violence and theft didn’t seem like the way to go.”
“But you’d do that for me? You’d commit candy robbery for me?”
Standing next to me, he gave my shoulder a playful bump with his own. “I broke into a Farm for you. Of course I’d break into a candy machine for you.”
My breath caught at his words. “I thought you just broke into this Farm and you happened to find me here.”
He shrugged it off. “Yeah. That’s what I meant. You want the candy or not?”
Was this another dropped pencil? I slanted a look at him, but his expression looked perfectly casual. Concerned only about the candy.
I touched his arm, then nodded toward the door. “Let’s leave it.”
He didn’t question me about why and I was glad of that. I didn’t know if he’d understand. I didn’t know if I understood. But somehow it comforted me to know that this machine was here, quietly chugging, doing its job. A silent monument to the culture that once was. It made me sad to leave its familiar red glow. It wasn’t like me to be sentimental about that kind of thing.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Lily
I thought escaping from the Farm would be the hardest part of my day. It wasn’t. When Carter suggested I try to get a few hours of sleep before dawn, I thought he was crazy. He wasn’t.
By the time we made it back to the closet in the science lab, I was starting to crash from all the sugar in the Dr Pepper, despite how jittery I’d been all evening. Or maybe because of that. Carter wedged the chair from his room under the door to the science lab. In our closet, he set the chair against the door and then sat down, his back to the door.
Suddenly I felt nervous being alone with him. Sure, I’d been alone with him all night, but this felt different. More intimate, because this was essentially my bedroom. Besides, now I knew the truth about Carter. He wasn’t just some crush from the past trying to charm me for his own questionable purposes. He was a hero. Maybe the bravest person I’d ever met. Or the stupidest, if there was a difference.
The room was lit with the single-bulb gooseneck lamp I’d snagged from Professor Bajaj’s office. It was funny. After six months of living in this building I felt like I knew all of these people.
For the first minute or so we were in the room, I didn’t quite know what to do with myself. I’d thought I’d already said good-bye to this room when we left it earlier. I’d never expected to be back here.
Finally I sat on the mattress Mel and I kept on the floor, before toeing my shoes off. I scooted into the corner, resting my back against the wall and crossing my legs. Crisscross applesauce, they used to call it in school.
“You should lie down,” Carter said. “Try to get some sleep.”
He’d stretched out his legs in front of him and crossed his arms over his chest, and his eyelids were drooping. Like he was nearly asleep himself.
“You should lie down,” I countered. “You need sleep, too.”
“I’ll be okay.”
“Military school,” I chimed before he could say it. “I know.”
Regardless of how much training he’d had, he was exhausted. For whatever reason, he was determined to guard the door. After a few minutes, I lay down, pulled the blanket up—the ratty one we’d decided to leave here—and flicked off the light, plunging the room into darkness. Lights off in a windowless room was really, truly dark. Sure, I’d gotten used to it over the past few months, but the night felt even more encompassing with Carter in the room with me. I could hear his breathing, which had slowed but not yet evened out. I heard every shift he made in the chair trying to get more comfortable. Every creak of the mattress as I tried to find a more natural spot.
“You’ll fall asleep faster if you stop moving around so damn much,” Carter said, his voice laced with laughter.
“I can’t help it,” I muttered. “This is weird.”
“Weird how?”
What was I supposed to say to that? Weird ’cause I wasn’t used to sleeping with a guy in my room. Watching over me, for Pete’s sake. But that would be admitting how aware I was of him.
I went for the half-truth rather than embarrassing honesty. “I haven’t slept in a bed by myself in six months. It’s weird not having Mel here.” Which was at least partly true. Mel slept sprawled out like a starfish and I’d gotten used to wedging myself against the wall. “And it’s cold.”
That part was wholly true. I hadn’t bothered to get out the other blanket or the sleeping bag from Joe and now I was regretting it.
Then I heard Carter shift again and the chair squeak. Four footsteps later, I felt the mattress dip as he sat down on the edge. I heard him take off his boots. And then the rustling of fabric that I assumed was him taking off his Collab jacket. “Scoot over.”
I literally couldn’t breathe. No air moved in or out of my lungs as I wiggled into the corner and lifted the edge of the blanket. He slid under the covers.
Even though he didn’t touch me, I was acutely aware of him lying there beside me. He must have been lying on the very edge of the mattress, because he left a gap of several inches between us. I could practically feel the energy bouncing off that no-man’s-land.
At some point I must have started breathing again, because his scent wrapped around me, seeming to sink into my very skin. His body just radiated heat. Suddenly the blanket enveloping us felt like a heavy down comforter.
Every muscle in my body was tense. There was no way I was going to fall asleep. Probably ever again.
I just lay there—I didn’t know how long—pressing my back against the wall and trying not to move.
“You’re still not falling asleep,” he muttered, his voice sleepy.
“I can’t help it. This is—”
“Weird?” he finished for me, his voice amused, despite sounding groggy.
“Maybe if you talked to me.”
“Oh, great.”
“Hey, you’re the one who said we should try to remember what we loved about the Before.”
“That’s true.” I heard a rustle I took to be him rubbing at his eyes. “I did say that.”