“I’m not leaving her here,” she protested weakly, but her feet stumbled along beside him.
“Come on,” he coaxed her. “Just think, you have all night to tell me what a dick you think I am.”
As they walked out the door toward the elevator, once again the fruity scent of her hair hit him in the gut. Six hours alone with Lily didn’t sound bad at all. As long as he could convince her he wasn’t a lying sack of shit. And keep her from trying to kill him.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Mel
The blue pills are earplugs. They muffle everyone’s music. Or maybe more like water muddling all the noise. I’m sitting applesauce on the bottom of the pool, holding my breath, resisting the urge to push to the surface because it’s peaceful down here without all the noise.
Carter is the snare I didn’t see coming, despite the macaroni I kept hearing. Never thought we’d be bunnies to his Trickster. He’s more Bugs than kitty cat.
Can’t tell yet if his Benedict will be like eggs or like Arnold. If he’s just coddling us or serving us up for the silent shark, this man who is not a man.
Not a human, anyway.
Don’t ask how I know. There’s not just one thing about him. Or even two. Though the two pointy teeth certainly don’t help.
Makes my skin crawl and my blood slither. Like it’s trying to retreat farther into my body to get away from him. Like the iron in my blood is repulsed by him.
I listen, waiting to hear his music, now that we’re alone, now that Lily’s frantic drumbeat is gone and Carter has taken his Rachmaninoff. I expect movie-villain music. Dark and sinister. Darth Vader’s imperial march. Jaws’s ominous bass drum. Perhaps even Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata. Or even something innocent that somehow sounds creepy. Itsy-bitsy-spiderish.
Instead, I hear nothing.
No human music.
No Tick wild cacophony of grating notes. Not even the buzzing of inanimate objects. Just nothing. Silence. Silence like I’ve never known. Vast. Deep. Terrifying. Exhilarating. Smothering in its expanse. Like an avalanche of void. Like the death an atheist expects. Nothing.
A nothing so vast I can hardly breathe. And I feel it eating at me.
His presence makes me feel thin. Not model slender. But worn, like an old cotton housedress. Thin like a specimen pressed between two plates of glass. Like a bug squashed beneath the marching boot of a soldier.
Thin and worn and silence like I’ve never known.
This is how I know he is not a Tick.
They are as pitiable as they are inhuman. They are fear personified. Their emotions and minds given over to rage and hunger. They are all noise. He is none.
If he is not a Tick, does that make him a Tock?
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Lily
As Carter led me out one of the side doors into the darkness, I tried to pull myself out of his arms, but his hands were tight around my biceps. My feet stumbled slowly behind the rest of my body, like they were the last parts of me to wake up. He tugged me close and whispered, “Stop it.”
Right now, with his body right behind mine, with his voice in my ear and his breath in my hair, this was the moment to be brutally honest with myself.
I wanted Carter. I had always wanted Carter from the very first moment I’d seen him. He was my first crush. My hardest, longest, fiercest crush.
No, if I was being honest, he was my only crush. Because I’d never felt about any guy the way I felt about Carter.
And when I’d known him in the Before, I’d constantly been looking for hints that he might like me, too. I’d cherished every word he’d said to me, even when I’d been too shy to answer. I’d dreamed up countless, ridiculous scenarios in which he’d find me alone somewhere, pull me into his arms, and declare his eternal love. I’d searched desperately for clues that he might be into me.
It was stupid. I was an idiot. I knew that. But I couldn’t help it.
Pathetic, right?
This one time in biology, he’d dropped his pencil on the floor between us during a test. The thirty seconds it had taken him to bend down and pick it up had been excruciating. I imagined his hand brushing my leg as he bent down. I imagined his hand on my ankle. On my thigh. By the time he actually scooted his chair back and bent to pick up the pencil, I’d practically been trembling.
And then the unimaginable had happened. I was wearing a miniskirt and his hair brushed my leg as he bent over. I could have sworn I felt every hair on his head where it touched my skin. It took him forever to find the damn pencil. Hours, it seemed. I was aware of everything. Every thump of my pounding heart. Of the fact that I’d shaved my legs just that morning and they smelled like mango lotion. Of the way my blue toenail polish was chipped.
But I was especially aware of everything about him. The way his hair in back was darker than his blond bangs and short enough that I could see the dip in his neck. The way the navy cotton of his T-shirt stretched across his shoulders.
Then he sat up so slowly, I thought I was going to die, right there, in biology. And poor, stupid Coach Ballard would probably never notice because he was too engrossed in whatever stupid game he was playing on his iPad.
As he straightened, Carter had flashed me one of those crooked smiles. “Mango, huh? Nice.”
After that, I was done. The test was a wash. I couldn’t think of anything but Carter. The phyla of the animal kingdom were a distant blur. When the test came back two days later, my grade was as crappy as I’d expected. I got all of the first seventeen questions correct. And all of the last thirteen wrong. It was my first failing grade. That wasn’t even the bad part.
No, the bad part had been realizing that his grade was identical to mine. Carter had copied me. I’d been so into him, I hadn’t even noticed he’d been cheating off my test. The bastard had played me. We both ended up getting zeros.
This was why I couldn’t trust him. Because I couldn’t trust myself where he was concerned.
Now, as Carter led me away from the admin building, I made myself remember that day. That endless moment when I’d gotten caught up in the fantasy of Carter falling for me and then gotten so badly burned. I needed to remember that moment, because I could not let that happen again.
I only wished I’d had this little heart-to-heart with my past self after third meal. I should never have trusted Carter to begin with. He was handsome and charming and a player. If I let him, he’d play me again. Hell, he already had played me again.
He had shot me. In the back. That was what I had to remember. Not that his fingers had felt frickin’ amazing twined through my hair.
“Let go of me,” I hissed under my breath, giving my arm another tug. I had to get away from him. Now, before I did something else stupid.
“Look.” He spun me around to face him. “Even though it’s night, there are still plenty of Collabs around. You keep this up and one of them will notice.”
I used the nearness to my advantage, jerking up my leg and kneeing him in the groin. He grunted in pain, doubling over. His grip loosened and I ran for it. Security lights were mounted on the building, casting ovals of light on the grass. I ran for the shadows, toward a clump of trees. I stumbled, lost my footing, and nearly fell. I ducked around the corner of a building—one of the dorms, I think—pressed my back to the trunk of a broad tree, and stood there panting, considering my options.
The exertion made my head pound. I couldn’t keep running in the dark. Twisting my ankle wouldn’t help Mel.
Oh, God. Mel.
I’d left Mel in the admin building.
I’d had no choice. I would go back for her. But how?
I rubbed my palm against the sudden ache in my chest, wishing it was only the exertion that made my heart feel like it was about to pound out of my rib cage. But I knew it was more than that. It was fear. And despair.
I would go back for her.
I had to. But first I had to find a way to give Carter the slip. And then I had to get back into the admin building. And then I had to . . .
I couldn’t think about all the and thens.
I listened for his footsteps, following me, but heard nothing but the quiet buzz of the lights and the rumble of the generator in some nearby building. Off in the distance, I heard some Collab call to another. A burst of raucous laughter. Then silence. But beneath the hum of night sounds, there was an edge in the air.
I needed to find somewhere to hide. I pushed off from the tree and was moving toward another shadowy spot when Carter grabbed me by the arm and pulled me toward him.
“You didn’t really think that would work, did you?” Carter asked, his voice low. As dark as it was, I could still see the annoyance on his face. Kneeing him in the groin had pissed him off.
“It might have if I’d moved faster.” I wrenched at my arm, trying to get free and keep him from grabbing the other arm. “Let me go.”
“Not a chance.” He bit out the words. “Not until you let me explain.”
“Explain what? You’re a Collab. You set us up.” I kicked at his legs, fighting against him with everything I had. “You made me leave Mel in the admin building!”
Then suddenly, he whirled me around, pulling my back against his chest and wrapping both arms around me. “Stop it before you hurt yourself.”
He held me with my arms pinned to my sides. But my legs were still free and I hopped up, walking my legs up the trunk of the tree I’d been hiding behind. I kicked my legs out, hoping to knock him off balance; instead he merely stumbled back a couple of steps, muttering curses under his breath.
He carried me physically to the side of the nearest building, spun me around, and pushed me back against the wall. His entire body was pressed against mine, pinning me there, completely immobilizing me. His legs bracketed mine. His hands were clamped on my arms. When I tried to scream, he slapped a hand over my mouth and leaned close.
“Things aren’t what they seem—” I bit his finger. He jerked back his hand and shook it. “Damn it!”
“No shit, things aren’t what they seem!” My anger was a tangible thing in my body. It pressed against my skin until I felt like it might actually burst through. “You seemed like a friend, but you’re a stinkin’ Collab! You—”