I move to the corner of the cell, lie down, and cradle my knees to my chest. I stare at the wall as time drifts by, wishing I was the one being tasered and carried away.
Chapter 13
I’m lying in the exact same position as in the memory. My eyes are open, knees pulled close. I hear Ryder, Aiden, and Sylas talking, but I don’t budge. Perhaps if I stay motionless then I don’t have to accept reality.
Aiden steps around and sees that I’m awake. He crouches down in front of me and smoothes my sweaty hair back. “Are you okay?”
He knows what I did. He’s been carrying the memories in his head. He knows I once had fangs, once used them to bite Gabrielle. Once killed a girl with my bare hands.
“Kayla,” he speaks my name again. “Can you hear me?”
Our hearts beat thunder. Thump, thump, thump.
“Kayla.” The panic in his tone snaps me out of it.
I sit up and lean away. “I’m fine. Quit worrying.”
He doesn’t believe me. “Which one did you see?”
“One that wasn’t important.” My eyes dry out as I refuse to blink.
“Everything Monarch put in my head was important,” Aiden says. “And hard to watch.”
“Is there another way to get behind the red door?” I ask, changing the subject. “Or is there another red door somewhere.”
“It’s another entrance.” There’s a shift in his expression when he realizes the memory I witnessed. “Kayla, I—”
Cutting him off, I hop to my feet and direct my attention to Sylas, who doesn’t know what I did. “You got in The Colony somehow, right? Did you… did you walk through a room with glass cages?”
Sylas has the flashlight shined in Ryder’s eyes. Her pupils have returned to specks again and the glow from her neck has dissipated.
He turns, spotting the light in my eyes. “I already told you I don’t remember how I got in.”
“Well, think about it really hard.” I shield my eyes. “It’s important.”
He lowers the flashlight and flips the pocket watch in his hand. “Kayla, if I knew, I’d tell you.”
Aiden gives a clipped laugh. “Yeah, because you’re the most cooperative person there is.”
“I never said I was.” Sylas puts the watch in his pocket. “But I do want to figure this out. Something you don’t want to do.”
“I think this room with the glass cages might be where the virus was created. I think it might be able to get us some answers,” I say, talking over them. “I think we need to figure out how to get there.”
“Kayla,” Aiden’s voice is sympathetic, “As much as I’d love to help, I haven’t been there before.”
I glance at Ryder and she shakes her head. “I was always kept in the chains, or in the back room with Aiden.”
My gaze lands on Sylas and he casually shakes his head. “Sorry, can’t help you,” he says, hiding something away inside him.
I stare at him for almost an eternity. He stares back, unaffected by my attempt to weasel into his mind.
“I think we should go back to the cave for a while,” Aiden announces. “I’m sure Greyson, Cedrix, and Maci are wondering where we are.”
“I doubt they are,” Sylas says, flicking the flashlight on and off. “Since you were headed to the city and it takes a while to get there.”
“We need to get to the glass room.” I steal the flashlight from Sylas and beam it at the exit. “I wonder if it’s morning yet.”
Aiden steps into the light. “You don’t need to do anything. You’re free now and you can do whatever you want.”
I’m not free. My memories and actions will imprison me for the rest of my existence, especially if what I’m thinking is correct. “It’s where the virus started—I can feel it. And in order to fix everything, I have to go back to the beginning.”
Aiden shakes his head, disgusted. “You sound just like Monarch.”
I shrug and head for the boulder. “You guys can do whatever you want. I’m going back to the city.”
“I’m going back to the cave,” Ryder says. “And without me, you can’t get any more of your memories back.”
Slowly, I turn, spotting her with the light. “What are you talking about?”
She dusts the dirt and twigs out of her matted hair. “I didn’t give you all your memories back. Just one of them.” She crosses her arms and raises her chin defiantly. “You may think you control everything, but you don’t. I can choose which ones to give you and how many.”
“I can think of a few ways to make you,” I say.
“Do whatever you want, hurt me, threaten me, but it’s not any worse than when I have to be that way.” She stalks forward, getting in my face. “Do you have any idea what that’s like? To completely lose control over your mind and body.”
“I think I can picture it,” I mutter. “How did you get like that?”
She scratches absentmindedly at the marks on her arms. “I don’t know.”
“Maybe you should try to remember,” I entice. “Perhaps it would help.”
Suddenly, she’s inches away from my face, pulsating with anger. “I do remember, Kayla. I remember too well what my life was like back then. Every single day I was locked in chains, all by myself, with no one to talk to. I spent years like that. Unlike you three, who were his prize experiments—the ones he saw as useful. All I am is a tool to assist you.” She breathes violently and lifts her arm, showing me her experiment number. “See this little thing right here—see how short it is. That’s because I wasn’t considered special and got the crap end of the deal.”
“I’m not sure what kind of deal you think the rest of us got.” Sylas leans over her shoulder. “But I can assure you it was just as crappy.”
She elbows him in the gut. “Whatever. I’m going back to the cave.” She fumes for the entrance.
Aiden blocks her, catching her in his arms. “It’s going to be okay,” he tells her. “We’ll go back to the cave. Let’s just make sure it’s morning first.” He looks at me for help. “Kayla, can you check?”
I look at Ryder, her designed arms, her matted hair, the circle on her neck. She has what I want, and not just because I need to save the world. I need my memories so I know what else I’ve done.
“Not until she gives me all my memories,” I threaten. “Then I’ll check.”
He releases Ryder. “Kayla, just come back with us. Maci really misses you and it’s safer for you there.”
“But it might not be safe for you guys,” I say.
Aiden shakes his head and takes a cautious step for me. “That wasn’t you, Kayla. Monarch made you do it.”
A hideous feeling scratches in my stomach. I contemplate my options. As hard as it is to see my memories, I need to remember everything, so I can put my life together and figure out my purpose. “Okay, I’ll go with you, but just for a while until I can plan my next move.”
“Great.” He grins, excited to leave.
That’s when I feel the bundle of lies roll off him. He’s hiding something back at the cave, something he doesn’t want me to discover. Yet he still wants me to go with him, he needs me with him, afraid he’s losing me to his brother.
“Let’s get going.” He waves his hand, shooing us out the cave. “Sylas, it’s been great seeing you, but it’s time for you to head back to your pack.”
“Like I’m going to let you take her,” he says, amused at the idea. “Do you understand how valuable she is? How much good she could do if she changes? She’s immune, she can walk with the vampires—they fear her. She needs to go through with it and become a Day Taker. If she’s with you, that’s never going to happen.”
“I’m going to go back to the cave.” I start for the boulder, taking in Sylas’ point. “You guys can do whatever you want.” Pushing until my skin dampens with sweat, I manage to crack the boulder from the wall. Greyness capes the sky and the land lights up beneath it. “We’re good.” I roll the rock over and step out.
I’m on a mission now, with or without anyone’s help. I will get my memories back. I will find the room with glass cages where I’m fairly sure the virus was created. If that’s where the virus started, then there’s got to be a cure. I will save the world. Then maybe I can erase some of the death stained on my hands.
Ryder follows me out and sighs at the sight of morning. She tips her head back and breathes in the fresh air. Aiden joins us, stretching his hands over his head. Sylas remains in the cave and I don’t look back at him. I head down the hill, hoping he’ll follow us. I won’t ask him to come, but I want him to. I might need his help, and for some reason that I don’t understand, the idea of him leaving rattles me.
“I’m glad we’re back together again,” Aiden says thoughtfully observing the sky. “It hasn’t been the same since you left.”
“I was only with you a few days before I left,” I point out. “So it should be like what it’s always been.”
“Which is good,” Ryder mumbles, pissed I’m going with them. “Disaster is your middle name, isn’t it? It’s your fault everyone at the hillside had to die.”
We all grow silent. Ryder picks up her pace, anxious to distance herself from me.
Aiden sighs. “She’ll get over it. I promise one day you two will be friends.”
Aiden lives in a delusional world.
“No, we won’t,” I say. “She blames me for the things done to her.”
Aiden gapes at me. “No she doesn’t. She just doesn’t understand you and the things you can do.”
“Neither do you,” I say, kicking up dirt with my boots. “And I’m beginning to think no one understands me, except Monarch.”