Home > Fashionably Dead in Diapers (Hot Damned #4)(12)

Fashionably Dead in Diapers (Hot Damned #4)(12)
Author: Robyn Peterman

"Purgatory. I figured that would be a good pick-up point for Satan if he wants them. Otherwise the piped in elevator music will kill them in forty-eight hours. Not to mention Mr. Rogers can off them with the Sword of Death if they get too rowdy."

"Sammy saw all of this?" I asked and realized he was going to need a very large budget for therapy.

"He did," Gemma said carefully as she twisted her curls in her fingers. "But I don't think it scarred him. He seemed to enjoy it. Especially the Gnomes."

"Oh my God," I said as I paced the room and wondered again if I should find some nice normal family to raise my son.

"There was one other minor thing," Gemma said cautiously.

"And that would be?" Ethan ground out through clenched teeth.

"I washed him for an hour," Venus said wearily as she walked back into the room with Sammy wrapped up in a huge fluffy bath towel. "It's not coming off."

"What's not coming off?" I demanded.

Venus' eyes grew round and she tried to cover the wiggling Sammy. "Um…"

"Hi Mommy," Sammy yelled and popped his little head out. The entire room went still as we stared at my child. He blew a raspberry and waved his chubby little hands. "Me have black Penus skin."

That he did. My baby's skin was as black as night. His hair was still white-blond and his eyes were golden, but his skin matched Venus' perfectly. Interesting. Gemma bit at her full lips and The Kev hid his grin behind his hand. Venus looked bewildered and Ethan simply stared.

"Do you like me, Mommy? Me so pretty with black Penus skin!"

"Yes, you are beautiful with black skin," I said truthfully as I took him from Venus' arms. "What happened to your other skin?" I looked his little body over.

"Me like Penus skin better, so me change." He giggled and pulled on my hair as he shoved his little thumb into his mouth and slurped.

"Well, I love it, but I would love you with any color skin," I said as I covered him with kisses.

"At least he didn't choose green or purple," Ethan mumbled as he took his son into his arms and hugged him tightly.

"Ohhhhhh, me like purple!" Sammy squealed, and before our eyes our son went from a gorgeous ebony hue to a frightening purple.

"What the fuck?" I gasped and then slapped my hand over my foul mouth. My son was a freakin' rainbow.

"Samuel," Ethan said firmly. "Put your regular skin back on. This is a fun game, but why don't we go back to normal and call it a night?"

"Normal doesn't really come into play with us," I muttered.

"Can me be green?" my baby asked his father.

"Not tonight, son," Ethan answered as he gently laid Sammy on the changing table and put his pajamas on him.

"Okay, Daddy. Me be me."

Samuel scrunched his little face and his skin went from garish purple back to a beautiful peachy pink. My child was going to be a challenge in ways I couldn't even begin to comprehend. It was time to know who he was. Mother Nature and Pam tried to tell me when he was born, but I stopped them. I just wanted to enjoy my baby without the added worry of knowing what he was to become. However, with all the conjuring and pigment changing not to mention the alarming growth spurts and the early language skills…I needed to know what everyone else did. To raise my son I now needed to know what his destiny would be. I simply wanted my child to be happy.

My wish for Sammy was for him to be compassionate, kind and good. I wanted to raise a man who would be happy and have a fulfilling life and not live in my basement after college. Hell, who was I kidding? I needed to raise someone who could kick some ass and take no prisoners. He would never be able to go to a normal school no matter how much I wished that for him. He was not normal and neither were we. I just prayed he wasn't slated to save the world or some heinous shit like that.

"Daddy," Samuel squealed as he tried to wriggle out of his pajamas. "Do you want Penus skin? Me can give you and Mommy Penus skin!"

"No, little man." Ethan chuckled and pulled his child close. "However, it might be nice if you gave your Uncle Satan blue skin tomorrow. He would love that."

The gasps in the room were hilarious. My Vampyre was evil to the core…I bit my lip to keep from screaming or laughing. Satan would look awesome as a Smurf. I needed to make sure my phone was charged so I could get some good blackmail shots. Tomorrow was going to be a shit show of epic proportions. There was no telling how everyone would react to my new rules concerning my child. There was sure to be yelling and violence. Just as long as no one died it would be a success. Fuckityfuckfuck, I was not looking forward to tomorrow. Blue and purple relatives, screaming and fighting, swearing and bloodshed…

Well, maybe I was looking a little forward to it.

Chapter 5

Parenting books are useless if you're not human. If your child is half Vampyre/ half Demon we would suggest not using parenting books at all—they can backfire like a motherfucker. We wish you luck and…well, luck.

"We have an hour," Ethan said as he slid into his Hugo Boss blazer.

He was such a beautiful man. I had to press my hands to my sides so I didn't run them over his chest or grab his asstastic butt. I always had the distinct urge to jump him and ride him blind. His sexy half smirk told me he knew exactly what I was thinking. I rolled my eyes and continued to dress. Too bad the Who's Who of the immortal world would be descending on us soon, leaving no time for nookie.

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