"You like?" he bellowed as he picked up Samuel and tossed a wildly happy child in the air.
"Um, no, but it doesn't matter what I think as long as Gemma's good with it." I laughed and shrugged.
"My man turns off the Hasselhoff when we're alone." Gemma grinned and waggled her eyebrows.
She was stunning, even more so than when she was simply human. My BFF since I was little was the Queen of the Fairies and the mate of The Kev. Their adoration for each other was almost sickening and if I wasn't so hung up on my own man, I'd be jealous.
"When are you guys going back to kooky-ass Fairyland to claim your throne?" I asked as I locked up all the stuffed animals I hadn't had to kill the other night.
"Little issue there," Gemma said as she planted kisses all over Sammy. "Seems the good Fairies of Xanthia want me dead. The Fairies no like-ee surprises and apparently I'm a big one."
"It will be fine," The Kev said quietly. Subdued was not in his playbook and I looked over in alarm. He shook his head at me and I held my tongue. He and I would be talking soon. I would not let my sister from another mister walk into a bloodbath no matter what was expected of her.
"Penus," Sammy yelled and pointed at a giggling Venus.
"Shit." I shrugged and laughed. "V's are hard."
"Shitshitshitshitshitshit!" Sammy squealed, much to my chagrin.
"Gotta watch your language," I muttered. If I could still blush, I'd be a tomato. "He's a repeater."
"I'll go with Penus," Venus said, still giggling.
"That works for me," Jane announced.
The grin disappeared from Venus' face so quickly even I jumped back. She advanced on Martha and Jane as they shrank in terror. It was all kinds of awesome. "You will call me Venus or I will tie you in a knot like a pretzel. It will not be remotely enjoyable and I will leave you in this configuration for at least a month…possibly two. You got that?" she snarled.
"Yep," a very nervous Jane mumbled as Martha nodded vigorously beside her.
"Alright then, hand me that baby, Gemma. I haven't seen his gorgeous face in two days," Venus said as she snuggled the light of my life.
I felt fine. Actually, I felt good. I realized I wasn't nervous about leaving Sammy. Part of me didn't want to go because I feared missing something. With his bizarrely rapid growth rate, he could be a teenager by the time I got home this evening. However, I was horny—not a little horny. A lot horny. Like I would explode if I didn't get laid soon horny. The thought of being alone with Ethan made my knees weak and my panties wet. Plus, Ethan was correct. If we didn't get some alone time there was no telling what would happen in front of our son…
"Venus, cover Sammy's ears," I requested. She did. "Ethan and I are going on a nice little drive. We're going to watch the sun set and then we will screw each other until we see my Cousin Jesus or we die trying. There are bottles of breast milk in the fridge, but make sure he doesn't eat the nipple. He likes to chew rubber, just don't let him swallow it. The dog bones are all over the place and there are more in the pantry. No TV. It's dangerous enough because he repeats everything. If he grows more than a foot or starts a massive fire call me. We'll come back. Also he likes to animate inanimate objects so keep him out of the kitchen. Knives would be unfortunate. I've locked up all the stuffed animals because I was almost decapitated by an orange teddy bear the other night. I'd suggest you play only with small things that don't have teeth. Any questions?"
The room was silent and all eyes were huge.
"Pretty sure that covers it," The Kev mumbled in a daze. Everyone else nodded.
I kissed my son and walked to the door. Excited didn't begin to cover what I was feeling. My inner hooker was breakdancing in my tummy and everything south of my belly button was on fire.
"Oh," I jerked to a halt and turned back. "Don't fuuuc—arking swear. He repeats every godda—urned thing we say."
On that note, I hightailed it to the door and ran. I was by far the worst potty mouth of all and I was definitely going to have to invest in duct tape.
Fuck.
Chapter 3
New parents must remember to pay attention to their own needs as well as their child's. However, parents also must remember…while the cat’s away the mice will play. And cats never eat the stomach or the guts. No, they will leave them on your doorstep as a gift. Please remember this is considered a great honor. For real.
"What is this place?" I asked as I stared at a beautiful little cottage nestled amongst huge oak trees. It looked like a house from a fairytale, complete with turrets and climbing ivy.
"It's a gift for you," Ethan said as he yanked the keys from the ignition and jumped out of the car. He'd driven like a bat out of Hell—at least seventy miles an hour over the speed limit right into the middle of nowhere. "Get out of the car, Astrid, or I'll take you in the passenger seat."
"Patience is a virtue," I said as I flew out of my seat and jumped him.
"Patience is for pussies," he muttered against my lips as his tongue plundered my mouth and his hands roamed my ass.
"I'm not sure I remember how to do it," I gasped as I ground against him like a cat in heat.
"It's like riding a bike," he insisted urgently. The love of my very long life was all over me and I happily returned the favor.