"Well," Martha started slowly. "Those fucker Fairies tried to take the baby. We love that wild little thing more than our own lives so Jane here bit the son of a bitch so hard in the ass that her fangs got stuck. He tried to shake her off, but she didn't budge. You should have seen it. That asshat was twerking he was in so much pain. Jane was flopping around like a ragdoll, but she wasn't gonna let go for nothing. I have false teeth so that wouldn't have worked out for me."
"Go on," I said. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. The story was beyond absurd.
"Yep, my teeth were stuck in the fucker’s ass," Jane said proudly. "So Martha here took hold of his nuts and twisted the shit out of them. Ethan was busy ripping the head off of the other one, which was mighty impressive I must say. Anyhoo, Martha had hold of his boys and she shoved them back up into his stomach." Her grin was psychotic, but I was slowly beginning to respect the old biddies. "His voice got real high and tinny and the wimp was sobbing like a girl. She tried to pry little Sammy out of his hands, but he was a strong little bitch. So she just wrapped her hands around his limp pecker and held on for dear life. Next thing we knew we were in this stupid ass amusement park locked up like prisoners."
"Okay then." I was at a slight loss for words. They were certifiable, but they were brave. Ethan was going to have to reward them somehow for trying to defend his son's life—if Ethan and his son were still alive. "I'm going to break you out of here and we're going to get that baby. Ethan has been taken by the Fairies and I have no clue where The Kev is at the moment."
"The gay Fairy?" Jane asked.
"He’s not…" The memory came back. I'd had this conversation before, but thanks to The Dave it didn't hurt. It was a little weird, but not painful. Silently I thanked The Dave. I still had secret hopes that he would adopt me. "He's not gay. Gemma's not his beard and I never should have had you two idiots turned into Vampyres." I rolled my neck as another uncomfortable feeling rolled through me.
"You're remembering and not in the fetal position anymore," Susu noted as she flitted around my head.
"The Dave gave me a gift."
She nodded reverently. "He is goodness."
"Yep, so as I was saying…"
"Oh sweet Puck in harem pants," The Reggie said breathlessly as he came up behind us. "Thank goodness I found you. Everything is a mess."
"Hey sexy pants," Martha yelled as The Reggie blushed furiously.
Oh my Hell. He did think they were sexy.
"Show me that sweet ass, you tiger," Jane cooed and gave him a shimmy that made her torpedo tits sway in a very unflattering way.
"Girls, you are too much," The Reggie said as he preened, yanked down his pants and displayed his backside for all to see.
"Dude, pull up your pants now," I snapped in a partial state of shock. What was happening here? "Do you know where Ethan is and who took him?"
"He's in the Palace with The Corrine. I'm not sure who took him, but The Corrine wants him to become her mate."
"What the fuck?" Jane shouted. "He already has a mate, you assburger."
"Stop." I turned and gave Jane a look so harsh, I was sure she swallowed her tongue. "Does The Corrine think he's Jon Bon Jovi?"
"I am so fucking confused right now," Martha muttered.
"Yes, she does. However, if she knew who he really was, she would want him even more," The Reggie told us. I could tell he wanted to show us his ass again. His hands were poised to yank his pants back down.
"If you pull down your pants again, I will give you a ‘permanent tap that ass’ Kim Kardashian ginormo-butt. Do you understand?" I eyed him and he backed away. His squeal of terror was lovely. I was definitely getting my mojo back.
"Yes," he whispered. "Do you want me to help you free the goddesses?"
"What goddesses?"
"Us, you dumbass," Jane said, completely insulted.
Weird was my new normal. No, scratch that…Fucked up was my new normal. "Yes, The Reggie. That would save me some time and effort. I would appreciate it. Thank you."
He pulled a set of keys from his pocket and opened the lock.
"Is the baby Samuel okay?" I asked as I glanced around for Susu. Where the Hell did she go?
"The baby is fine for now," he answered as he stepped into the cell and laid a wet one on Martha and then Jane. My gag reflex kicked in and I turned away in horror.
That was my first real mistake of the day—and possibly a fatal one.
When I assumed they were done with the PDA, I turned back only to be violently shoved on my ass by a freaked out The Reggie. WTF? He frantically slammed the door of the cell and locked it. I was now locked in the cage with Martha and Jane and The Reggie was on the other side. Not good.
"What's going on?" I shouted and grabbed the bars. "What are you doing?"
"You'll be safe here," he cried out as he backed quickly away from the cell. "I was supposed to keep you safe. You are safe now."
"Son of a bitch," I screamed. "Come back here."
"I can't. I'm sorry." He ran like the Devil was on his heels.
In my fury I shot his departing backside with a blast of magic that would surely result in something heinous. I heard his gasps and screams as he sprinted away. I had no clue what I'd done to him, but I prayed it was hellacious. I rested my head on the bars. I wanted to cry. What else could go wrong?