Home > Fashionably Dead in Diapers (Hot Damned #4)(21)

Fashionably Dead in Diapers (Hot Damned #4)(21)
Author: Robyn Peterman

"It didn't," he said tightly.

"It clearly didn't affect your weenie either," I muttered.

"Weenie," Baby Demon Ross yelled. "Me have a weenie! You wanna see?"

"No," everyone yelled.

"Enough," Ethan said. "I don't like it, but Astrid will come with us. Elijah and Lucy will be back up. They have no Demon blood and can enter Xanthia if we need them."

"We can go with you now," Lucy said. "I don't care if Elijah wants to go or not, but I'm willing."

Elijah heaved a sigh and tried to get closer to Lucy. She was having none of it. "Lucy speaks for both of us. I would be honored to go and fight for Samuel."

"I speak for myself, not for you," she hissed under her breath.

"You've made that perfectly clear," he shot back.

"The fewer the better," The Kev cut in and ended the bickering. "We are more likely to be undetected if we are only three."

"Fine. Done," I said. "Thank you all for coming. We are going to get Samuel, Martha and Jane. I have no clue how long we will be gone, but we will succeed and we will be back."

"I'm feeling a little emotional," Pam said as she trapped me in a bear hug that I was sure had crushed a rib. "You be careful, Asshead. If you die I will fish your ass out of Hell and kick it."

"You think I'm going to Hell?" I asked as I unwedged myself and massaged my side.

"Heaven. Hell. Whatever," she groused. "I'll kick your ass good. You hear me?"

"I hear you." I grinned and glanced around the room. I had the most dysfunctional family imaginable, but they were mine and I loved them—even the Devil.

I watched as The Kev went to Gemma and kissed her with a passion that made me look away. He then delivered a reluctant Gemma to my Uncle Satan and they disappeared in a blast of black glitter and smoke. Slowly everyone took their leave and it was just the three of us.

"Astrid," Ethan said as his jaw worked and his hands clenched. "I'm worried about you going. I will not lose you."

"Ethan, I'm worried about going, but it would take Hell freezing over to keep me here."

He ran his hands through his hair and shook his head. "Very well. Shall we?"

The Kev nodded and I stepped forward.

"Yes," I said with more confidence than I was feeling. "We shall."

Chapter 8

Trips with children require planning and creativity. Nothing ever goes as planned and one can never be too prepared. Remember to wear clothing that is comfortable and washable. You never know what horrible stains you will get on your attire.

"We just walk over the bridge?" I asked, slightly shocked at how easy it looked.

We had travelled through two portals and I was fine. I was still in possession of my power and I was still in one piece. The Kev and Ethan kept constant watch over me, which was beginning to drive me nuts. The bridge was quite simple. Covered in ivy and pale pink flowers, it resembled something from a child's storybook. It looked to be about a quarter of a mile long. A glittering silver stream ran beneath it and colorful flocks of birds flew low and close to the water.

"It's beautiful," I said.

"Looks are very deceiving," The Kev said ominously. "Say your name."

"What?" I slapped my hands on my hips and gave him the eyeball.

"Name. Say it," he insisted. The Kev had stayed in his Fairy form. It was getting easier to look at him, but I did kind of miss David Hasselhoff. His beauty still gave me a slight headache, but I could make eye contact for short periods of time.

"My name is Astrid," I snapped.

"Your mate?"

I rolled my eyes. "My mate is Ethan. You are The Kev and a giant pain in my ass. We are going to Xanthia to get my son and two insane Vampyres back. I get to meet the skankass—The Corrine—who had sex with my man three hundred years ago. I plan to kill her so she doesn't come after Gemma, who is the True Queen of Xanthia. I will also take enormous pleasure in killing any fucking Fairy who tries to stop me from getting my son. Happy?"

"No, but short of holding Sammy in my arms, nothing will make me happy," he said. "Drink this."

The Kev produced two vials of an iridescent green liquid out of thin air and handed one to me and one to Ethan. I sniffed it and recoiled in disgust.

"Number one, we're Vamps. We can't really drink anything but blood without yacking it back up, and number two, this smells like ass," I informed an amused The Kev.

"You can drink it and I would highly suggest you do. It will make it possible for you to make eye contact with Fairies, which will confuse them as to what you are. It could buy us the time we need to get Sammy and the idiots back. Drink it."

Ethan didn't look any happier than I did about swallowing green stuff that smelled like a baboon butt, but he did it and I followed.

"Sweet baby Jesus in combat boots, that was fucking rank." I gagged and prayed I wouldn't throw it back up.

"What in the Hell was that?" Ethan asked hoarsely as he tried to keep it down.

"You really don't want to know," The Kev said as he took a rope and stake out of the pack he carried. He quickly pushed the stake into the ground and attached the rope in a knot so tight I was certain it would be there for eternity.

"What are you doing?" I asked as I bit down on my lip and sucked back some of my own blood to get the foul taste out of my mouth. My brain was whirling with guesses as to what we had just imbibed. Butt juice was at the top of my list, followed by a rancid prune juice mixed with formaldehyde.

   
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