Home > Fashionably Dead in Diapers (Hot Damned #4)(28)

Fashionably Dead in Diapers (Hot Damned #4)(28)
Author: Robyn Peterman

Holding back my laughter was impossible. "The Bob and The Gus? Oh my Hell on a stick, you Fairies have some very un-Fairy-like names."

"Our real names are unpronounceable to a lesser being like yourself," The Reggie said in a snippy voice. He was beyond gorgeous, but his personality shot his looks to Hell.

"Really? Tell me your real name," I challenged.

He glared at me and made a rude sound.

"Wow. That sounded like a burp or a fart," I cooed sweetly as I watched him turn a rather unbecoming shade of red. "No wonder you go by The Reggie."

"That's not my name," he said haughtily. "My name is Reggquaranafloopiemoomawompus."

"Hmmm…I'd go with the fart sound if I were you, Reggquaranafloopiemoomawompus," I shot back. His dumbfounded stare was delightful. I had no clue how I was able to throw the horrid name back at him, but I wasn't going to question my brilliance—or my luck.

"Enough," The Kev warned as we approached the tree line. "Thank you The Reggie and The Henry. When we meet again we will not speak of this. It is dangerous for you to be seen with me and I will not let you risk your lives."

"We have no lives, my liege," The Henry said respectfully. "We have waited centuries for your return with our true Queen and we can't wait much longer. The Corrine is systematically killing off the Light."

"Which is why you are brave to have pretended to be Dark," The Kev said. "We are here to take back what does not belong to her and that includes her reign."

"We have an understanding," Ethan ground out furiously.

The Reggie and The Henry tensed and took defensive stances against my Vampyre. Holy Hell, he wasn't my Vampyre…I had to stop thinking that way.

"Stand down," The Kev commanded The Reggie and The Henry. "We do have an understanding. However, the understanding might not work unless the ruler falls."

"Two birds—one stone?" I asked, keeping a close eye on the strange parties in our little group. One move toward the butthole sexy Vampyre and I would wipe the Fairies off the face of the earth.

"Something like that," The Kev said as he watched the players as closely as I did.

I felt sure The Kev would keep the peace so I moved my gaze to the field and the city beyond. My mouth dropped open and I gaped. The field was unbelievable—long grasses with explosions of flowers for miles. The colors were riotous and tiny silver and gold birds darted in and out of the flora and fauna. I had never seen anything like it. However, it was what lay beyond that really stole my ability to speak.

"What the Hell?" I muttered as I squinted, trying to make sense of what I was seeing. It couldn't possibly be…

"What's wrong?" The Henry barked as he took a defensive stance and knocked me to the ground behind him.

"Don't touch her," Ethan hissed as he took The Henry in a chokehold and prepared to tear his head off.

Crapballs. "No," I yelled from my unladylike clump on the ground. Thank God I was wearing pants, super-cool Doc Maarten combat boots and a rocking hot tight black t-shirt. I wouldn't want to show my privates to strangers.

"No danger," I choked out as I tried to regain my balance. The Henry had one Hell of a wallop.

"What happened?" Ethan demanded as he gently helped me to my feet and brushed the dirt from my pants.

A tingle shot through me as his hand brushed mine. My eyes turned green and my fangs descended. Poopycrappypoop, this was going to become an issue if he was near. I pushed him away and gathered myself. He was dangerous to my morality and my lady parts. From the grin on his face, he knew exactly what was going on in my rattled brain. What a turdwanker.

"Nothing happened," I bit out and put some more space between us. "I was just shocked, appalled, astonished and the list goes on that Xanthia looks like a freakin' amusement park."

The Reggie and The Henry looked insulted and The Kev simply laughed. "That's because it is," The Kev said. "At the moment the funhouse is not fun, but we are here to rectify that."

"An amusement park? Really?" I asked. Fairies were whacked.

"What did you expect?" The Kev was delighted with my response. "My disguises tend to be cheesy stars from the 1980s. Doesn't it make sense that I would have been raised in a deranged carnival?"

"So that's why you chose Arnold Schwarzenegger and David Hasselhoff?" I asked…and then doubled over in pain as more pieces of my past came to light. "Oh my Hell, it hurts to remember."

"What is wrong with her?" The Reggie demanded with disgust. "We can have no weak links on this mission."

"I'm not a weak link, weenie-breath," I snapped as I stood back up and glared. "I'm a deadly weapon with a few missing parts at the moment. If you insult me again, I will practice my unknown skills on your Fairy hiney."

"My hiney?" The Reggie sneered.

I'd had enough of his bad ‘tude and condescending manner. Without having any clue what would happen, I lifted my hand and flicked my fingers at the rude jerk. Much to my shock and The Reggie's a fine glittering peach mist flew at him so quickly he had no time to duck. He gasped, cried out and fell to the ground with a thud.

"Oh my God, what did I do?" I yelled as I ran over to the nasty Fairy.

"At least you didn't pop him," Ethan muttered. His long strides carried him to the spot where the Fairy writhed and swore on the ground.

   
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