Bubbles of air slipped from my mouth and rose to the surface. I closed my eyes, willing myself to relax, but my lungs burned as the last bubble escaped. Air. I needed air. I struggled to fight the instinct to rise to the surface, but survival won. I couldn’t do this. I didn’t want to drown. My eyes flashed open.
Live.
I wasn’t ready to die. Oh, God, I wanted Balen’s arms around me, to feel his lips, taste him. I wanted to love him with all my heart for as long as we had. I wanted to fight for us.
I kicked wildly for the surface, but suddenly, Balen’s arms wrapped around me, holding me tight to his body, and keeping us beneath the water. I looked up at him and saw his tortured green eyes staring at me, his wet hair, that same look I’d captured in all my paintings.
I screamed silently. My lungs screamed. I was afraid. Afraid to suffer. Afraid to die.
He stroked my hair and pushed my face into the crook of his shoulder. I felt his tension, every muscle reacting to the natural urgency to save me.
I couldn’t hold my breath any longer. Panic seized every part of my mind and body. His arm tightened around my waist and his hand stilled in my hair. My legs kicked, my body reacting to the urgency, but he wouldn’t release me.
Nothing was left. My mouth opened and my eyes bulged as my lungs starved for oxygen. And then . . . I sucked in the water.
My lungs rejected the flooding and there was a crushing pain in my chest.
I jerked and revolted and still Balen held me to him.
Then darkness.
HER PULSE WEAKENED, HER heart slowed and then . . . nothing. I surfaced like a madman, Danni’s limp body in my arms. I was so weak from the effect the water had on Scars, even carrying Danni in my arms was debilitating.
She was dead.
Fuck.
No.
The pain crawling under my skin was like grappling hooks stabbing me and then ripping me apart. “Danni. Please.”
I climbed out of the pool, my eyes never leaving her face.
Oh, God, she was pale. Her lips were blue and slightly parted. Her eyes, lifeless. Fuck. Fuck. What if this didn’t work? What if I’d killed her? I’d held her under the water. She’d wanted to live; I’d seen the desperation in her eyes, begging me to let her go.
My stomach lurched and I swallowed several times to try and stop from vomiting. Jesus, what had I done?
A hand came down on my shoulder and I looked up at Waleron.
“Save her,” he said.
I lay her down on the rough, cold ground, swept wet strands of hair away from her face, and tilted her head back. I took a deep breath then lowered my lips to her mouth and released a rush of air into Danni. Her chest rose and fell.
I did it again.
And again. And again.
Nothing.
“Fuck. Jesus, what have I done?”
“Blood,” Waleron said.
Danni was lifeless, cold, and pale. Her eyes stared at nothing. Her chest was still. Oh, God, I’d killed her. No. No.
A sharp pain sliced across my wrist. “Feed her. Now,” Waleron ordered.
I stared at the blood dripping from my wrist, and then held it to Danni’s mouth. The red liquid slid down her throat, but she wasn’t swallowing.
Ironic I had to force her to take my blood to save her life when I’d taken her blood to save hers. Fuckin’ fate, spirits, whoever the fuck, were laughing their asses off right now.
Danni was dead. She had no way to take in my blood. This was wrong. What if we were doing this all wrong? What if changing a human to a Scar was impossible?
Nothing.
Nothing was happening.
“Noooo,” I roared as I picked her up in my arms and held her to my chest. Her head lolled back, and her mouth sagged open. I’d failed.
No. No.
I put my lips on hers and kissed her, my hand wrapping in her hair. She didn’t know it, but she’d saved me. She’d stopped me from running, brought me back to fight. She was the reason I wanted to prove to my kind that drinking vampire blood wasn’t a death sentence for other Scars.
“Don’t you fuckin’ leave me.” But I’d be leaving her for death or Rest. I had no right to beg for anything.
I rocked her limp body, placing kisses along her face, her neck, her hair.
She lay lifeless.
Cold.
I glared at Waleron. “Save her, damn it. Bring her back.”
Waleron met my eyes, unyielding and steady. “She was yours to save, not mine.”
Was. He said was. No, it wasn’t too late. She wanted to fight.
I’d never give up on her. Never. I’d sworn never to give up. I’d fight until my last breath. I lay her back down then slammed my fist down on her chest. Once. Twice. Then I breathed into her lungs again. Over and over again.
I put my wrist over her mouth and blood dripped into her mouth. “Damn it. Live. You want to live. Fight, damn it.”
I needed to see her smile again. Hear her laugh. Watch her walk across a room. I needed her spunk, her honesty. I needed it all.
I placed my lips over hers again, breathing my air into her lungs. Repeating it over and over. I’d never give up. Never.
She coughed.
Blood spurted from her mouth and sprayed my wet shirt. I quickly rolled her on her side as she coughed up a mixture of water and my blood.
I choked on the sob that emerged from my throat then pulled her tight into my arms. “Fuck, baby.”
Her body trembled and she coughed several more times before laying still, her cheek pressed to my chest. I kissed the top of her head over and over again while cradling her in my embrace. I ignored the shuffling of feet behind me and Waleron speaking in low tones. All I heard was Danni’s breath and heartbeat.