***
I huff when I see Caleb standing at the line of trees. I’m in no mood to talk to anyone, especially him. I’m quiet the whole walk home. The only time sound leaves my mouth is when he asks me something, which is only twice. I’m mad at myself for even meeting him. For not telling him to screw off, that I don’t need a friend who only wants to be a part time friend, but I do none of it. He not only sucks as a friend, he’s also delusional since it’s pretty clear I’m not as strong as he says I am.
If he can tell something’s up, he doesn’t say anything. He asks about Stacy and I mumble a little line about her saying hi. Caleb seems to think on it a bit, but doesn’t say much else about it. Why did he even meet me? Why does he pretend he cares, when he doesn’t?
I don’t say goodbye when we reach out stop sign and he doesn’t either.
When Mom gets home, I watch a little TV with her, and eat dinner, just so she doesn’t realize something’s wrong. I make an excuse about a big essay due the next day. When she asks if I’ve had a chance to read any of ‘Modern Vampire’ I ignore her, my eyes already flooding with tears.
I head straight for my vampire-killing-kit of a trunk, leaning my head against the cool window.
Rain starts to trickle down, invisible in the evening darkness except for the sound and little pebbles sliding down my window. Needing to hear it clearer, I crack the window, wishing the rain could wash away my problems, refreshing my life like it does the night. I can’t help, but think about Gabe. He would walk with me in school. He’s the one who made me think Caleb might too. I bet he would have said goodbye. Even when he weirded-out after we talked about his parents, he wasn’t rude. But I also realize I wish he had been. I wish Gabe hurt me. It makes my heart much more intensely that it’s Caleb. The boy who keyed Stacy’s car for me. Held me as I walked into his house. Cleaned my wound, and worried about me walking to and from school alone. The boy with the pained eyes and no pictures in his house. Caleb.
I pull my legs against my chest and cry, then soon…blackness.
“Don’t you get it, Abby? You’re a loser. A freak. Like I ever really wanted to be friends with you.”
I fight to breathe as a fist squeezes my heart. Caleb’s voice is so harsh, so cold, his green eyes harder than I’ve ever seen them. He looks feral, wild. His face twists into disgust when I start to cry. “B…but,” I stutter. “What about walking me to school? Asking me to ditch with you? I thought you liked me, Caleb!”
“Yeah, right! Why would I be friends with the vamp freak? It’s one thing to hang-out with you when there’s no one better around, but I would never spend time with you because I want to.”
My eyes are no longer just a leaky faucet. It’s as if someone loosens a screw. Tears pour down my face uncontrollably. My insides twist in pain. I’ll never have friends. No one will ever thing of me as anything other than the girl with the crazy mom.
I jump when someone touches my cheek. Gabe.
“Come with me, Abigail. You can trust me.” A part of me wants to go with Gabe, but there’s a bigger part that needs to stay with Caleb. This isn’t him. Something has to be wrong. He would never treat me this way. Only he is.
“Abby?” Gabe’s voice is a little more confused now. “I’m your friend, aren’t I? I want you to trust me. I need you to trust me. I care about you. Don’t you care about me too?” his eyes are so sincere. Like my hesitation actually pains him.
I feel like my body, my soul is being ripped in half. I glace back at Caleb now. His face has softened, making him look like the Caleb I know instead of the stone-cold boy who verbally attacked me.
“Kitten?” Caleb shakes his head, confusion clear in his eyes.
It’s strange the way the sound starts to echo as though we’re at a school assembly or football game. Caleb’s previous words pulse around me. “Don’t you get it, Abby? You’re a loser. A freak. Like I ever really wanted to be friends with you.”
“Abigail, come on. We’re alike, you and I. Both lonely, both only wanting attention from those we care about. I won’t let him hurt you again.” Gabe holds a hand out to me.
I can’t control my body. Caleb starts screaming, yelling at me, only nothing is coming out. He has the feral look in his eyes again, but this time, it isn’t at me he directs his anger. It’s at me and Gabe. Or maybe just Gabe. I can’t tell and even if I could, I can’t trust it. I thought we were friends, but we’re not. Caleb, the LP, no one in this town holds anything for me. I feel that deep inside my belly. I’m meant for something else. I’m meant to go with Gabe.
I turn to follow him, Caleb still silently screaming. Gabe smiles at me, still waiting for me to take his hand. When I do, he pulls me tightly against his body, and though I feel him everywhere, it’s different. I think he’s going to kiss me and I smile, but then he bends his head forward and sinks his teeth into my throat.
A scream rips from the back of my throat as my eyes spring open. I’m gasping for breath, holding my throat. There’ s nothing there. It felt so real, I can’t stop holding my neck to make sure there are no holes, no bites. It was only a dream…a dream, but so much more.
My worst fears are clawing to the surface, hiding from depths deeper than what Caleb found this morning. I’m just like her. I can’t take the pain and I’m going to lose myself in an imaginary world. I’m going crazy, just like Mom.
***
I close my eyes as Mom drives me to school, focusing on the rain hammering against our windshield. I don’t dare open them. There’s no way Caleb’s there. Not in this weather and not after yesterday, but I can’t bear to see it anyway. It doesn’t feel right not meeting him, even in this weather, but I can’t do it. Can’t risk him not showing up either. Plus, my eyes need a break from the sandpaper rubbing them each time I blink.
“Tired?” Mom asks.
My reply is a nod.
I go through the day in my same daze. I don’t see Caleb at all. Stacy tries to say hi again, but I ignore her. This time, Courtney and Tiffany are there. Both of them look at her like she’s as crazy as I am. They’re either awesome actresses, or they’re not in on her plan yet. I’m going with the latter.
It’s still raining after school. I know Mom will be waiting outside to pick me up. When I make the last trip of the day to my locker, a note falls to the ground.
I don’t want to read it. I shouldn’t read it, but I have to.
Abby,
Can you meet me at my cabin today? Any time. I’ll wait.
Caleb.
Everything inside me wants to go, but if I’m going to take one thing from this, it’s the strength he saw in me. I’m going to be strong which means taking care of myself so I don’t get hurt. With shaky fingers I ball the note up and toss it in the trash. I’m not going to his house. No way. I’ll go home and then to work and try to forget any of this happened.
***
It’s about halfway through my shift when the rain finally stops. I’m in the back, staring at the monster stack of dishes waiting for me. I fight the urge to lock the back door, but I can’t. Not only is Gabe the only friend I have left, but locking it means admitting I’m scared of him. Admitting I’m scared means part of me thinks my dream was real. Which I don’t. It can’t be.
I’m making really good headway on the dishes. Things go much faster without Gave distracting me, but I miss the distraction. When the stack’s almost clear, I feel eyes on the back of me. A wave of fear hits me, followed by a steady calm. It’s Gabe. There’s no reason to be scared. It was just a dream. It kills me that I have to remind myself. Making myself smile, I turn around. His blue eyes are dimmer than usual. “Hey, you.” I go for light and hope it doesn’t sound fake. I’m happy to see him, but wish he was Caleb at the same time.
“Hello.”
Something’s different and I know he feels it too. Is it because of the way we left things the other night? I feel the need to apologize, but I don’t know why. Maybe for being the one to bring up his parents in the first place.
Gabe beats me to it. “I owe you an apology, Abigail. I never should have walked out the way I did the other night. It was rude.”
The heavy ache in my chest suddenly lightens. I might have lost Caleb, but I still have Gabe and I need that. Need someone. “You don’t have to be sorry. I understand.”
“Friends again?” Gabe holds out his hand to me.
Our hands clasp together. “Friends.”
He doesn’t let go of me when he speaks. “Do you want to hangout again when you get off tonight? You didn’t get caught last time, did you?”
“No. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be here right now, if I did.” I laugh. “I’d love to do something tonight too.”
Gabe smiles. “Thanks. You have no idea how happy that makes me. I was so scared I screwed everything up.”
I don’t get the chance to tell him not to worry about it, when his whole demeanor changes. He’s tense. His jaw tight, and just like that, it’s gone. The flash happens so quickly I’m scared I imagined it and that freaks me out. I can’t do this. Can’t keep thinking things or seeing things that aren’t real. I will not let myself go crazy.
“Kitten?” I hear Caleb before I see him. My whole body perks up, even though I try to stamp it down. “I was coming to see you and heard you talk--” Caleb’s head of black hair peeks around the corner and inside. His eyes lock straight on Gabe. “Who are you?” Caleb snaps.
“Caleb! That was rude.” Who does he think he is? He doesn’t want to be my friend, but doesn’t want anyone else to either?
Gabe reaches out and touches my arm. This time, it’s Caleb who tenses. “It’s okay. He’s just worried about you.” Gabe turns toward Caleb. “I’m Gabe, a friend of Abigail’s.” Gabe’s voice isn’t as smooth as it usually is. Great. Now my ex-friend is freaking out my only-friend. Nice.