Gabe’s quiet for a minute before he talks. “And what if he’s not? What if he tells you to stop being friends with me?”
“Then I’d tell him no.” The words are quiet, but true. I would hate to be in that situation. Hate to risk what I have with Caleb, but all my life, I’ve wanted to be normal. To have friends and those things are happening for me. I know what it feels like not to have someone in your corner and how could I just walk away from a friend? But I couldn’t walk away from someone I love either, so how would I tell him no?
“See? You want to think it would be an easy choice, but it would hurt you. No matter what you did.” Gabe pushes to his feet. “I’m going to make this easier on you. You won’t have to make a choice, Abigail. I’ll keep scarce for a while. The last thing I want is for him to break your heart because of me."
I stand too. “He wouldn’t do that. You don’t know him, like I do.”
Gabe gives me a sad smile. “I’ll still be around. Don’t worry about me. I just don’t want to cause any trouble for you.”
Gabe turns and walks away, ignoring me as I yell for him to come back.
Chapter Fifteen
Two weeks go by in waves of school and Caleb. We’re together every day, both on our walks, during school and after, whenever I can get away. He’s lightened up in a way I never really expected my moody boy to be. But I like it. I like everything about him, the quiet and the laughs. The sullenness and the sweet words and kisses. Oh, and there’s lots of kissing. I don’t mean to brag, but apparently I’m pretty good at it.
I’m really wondering if my luck has changed. The LP is still not bothering me. It’s strange because I still get dirty looks from Heather and Tiffany, but Stacy always smiles at me and always tells them to leave me alone. I’m not dumb enough to think it’s real, but if they bring it, I’ll be okay.
The only downside is, I miss Gabe. I didn’t realize how much he meant to me until he was gone. But I miss him. When no one else gave me the time of day, he friended and I think he’ll always be my best friend.
“What are you thinking about?” Caleb rolls over on the blanket we’re laying on down by his swing.
“Nothing. Everything.”
Caleb nuzzles my neck. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to this. To us. “Your headaches have been better lately, haven’t they?” My words come out breathless. How’s a girl supposed to talk with Caleb’s mouth teasing her collarbone? He gives me little, nipping kisses, before making a trail up to my mouth. I’m rewarded with another kiss on my lips and those familiar fireworks go off inside me that only Caleb ignites.
“Nope. I think you’re good for me.” He smoothes back my hair, looking down at me.
“It’s you who’s good for me.”
“Yeah? I don’t feel like it.” He plays with my hair again. “You know I would never hurt you, right? That shit my dad did. That’s not me. I’d do anything to take care of you.”
But you’re still leaving, I want to tell him, but I can’t. How can I ask him to stay here? When he feels like he’s suffocating in memories here? “I know…”
Caleb leans forward, his lips pressing to mine. I thread my fingers through his hair, needing to pull him closer. I know every millimeter of his mouth now. I’ve memorized his taste, his feel. It’s enough I could drown in it.
“I gotta tell you something. You know Ms. Griggs?” He’s still looking down in me, playing with my hair and making it almost impossible to concentrate. “The guidance counselor?”
“Yeah. She took my transcripts, some papers I wrote, my GPA and sent them to this college friend in Oregon or something. I didn’t know she did it, but he said I could get in. That with my grades I could probably get a full ride.”
I scramble into a sitting position, pushing him off me in the progress. “What? That’s fantastic.”
“Yeah, she’s still pissed at me I won’t be acknowledged as valedictorian, but--”
“WHAT?” This time I yell.
He has the nerve to look sheepish. Shaking his head toward the ground. “I told you I’m smart, Kitten.”
“Not that smart! Not that I don’t believe it, but wow… That’s awesome, Caleb. Why won’t you be acknowledged?”
Caleb groans. “Because it’s never been something to be happy about. My dad would kick the shit out of me, ‘You think you’re better than me? Smarter than me, boy?’ All my friends either talked shit or wanted me to do their work for them. It’s just not something that’s ever done me any good.”
I smile and run my hand through his hair. “It’s going to do you good now. This is your ticket out of here, Caleb.” The words hurt to say, but I want this for him. “You’re going to get to leave this town and never look back. I’m so happy for you.” I try and make light of the situation by saying, “My boyfriend’s a genius.”
Caleb laughs. “Not hardly. It’s not like that, Kitten. But…I’m thinking of seeing if I can put it off for a while. You graduate early next year, right? We can--”
“No.” I shake my head. “Absolutely not. You’re not staying here, Caleb. You hate it here and this will be really good for you. You deserve it.” He deserves more than this and I’m happy something is finally going right for him even though it breaks my heart to think of him leaving.
Caleb leans back on his hands, the relaxed, no-big-deal-attitude back in affect. “You’re good for me too. I told you that.”
What he just said is too important for him to try and act like it’s no big deal. I crawl forward, sitting on his lap and straddling him. Gah, it still freaks me out I can just do this. Touch him whenever I want. “So I’ll come when I graduate. You know I don’t want to stay here either.”
“Kitten, I… You’re the only person in my whole f**king life who’s ever been there for me. Who I feel like I matter to them, too. I don’t want to walk away from you. I can’t leave you behind the way I was left.” He leans forward. I have to hold onto his neck so I don’t fall backward. Caleb’s hands cover his face, rubbing them. I know he does things like this when he needs a minute. When everything is too much. A minute later he pulls his hands away.
“You’re not leaving me because I’ll come after. I can’t let you lose this chance, Caleb. It’s too important. You need to do what’s best for you.”
“See? That’s just what I mean.”
We don’t talk anymore. Caleb’s mouth comes down on mine and we kiss. Kiss until there’s no one else in the world except us. Until there’s not thoughts of him leaving, of me staying behind. Until my heart is forged together with his, just like our mouths.
***
It’s been a couple days since Caleb and I had our last make-out session in the woods. I still can’t get over how he makes me feel. Does he love me? He didn’t say it, but what he did say, in some ways it means so much more. He hates this place, but he would stay for me. That has to mean something, right?
I smile, missing him. We’d separated right after school today because he had a couple jobs to do. How pathetic am I? A few extra hours without him and I’m practically crying into my pillow. Okay, maybe not that bad, but still.
I jump when I hear a light rapping sound from my window. My body goes right into action. It has to be Caleb, right? He must have missed me as much as I missed him! I slip the lock open and slowly open my window.
It’s not Caleb.
It’s Gabe.
I’m caught between being bummed it’s him and excited because it’s been so long since I have seen him. “Hey. What are you doing here?”
“I can go, if you want. I just thought...”
“No!” I whisper/yell, wanting him to know I’m serious, but not wanting Mom to hear. “I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just surprised, that’s all.”
Gabe shrugs. “I miss you. I know I shouldn’t, but I do.”
“I miss you too.” I miss my friend.
“We’re friends, right?”
“Of course!” I smile at him “I told you that. You’re one of my only friends, Gabe.”
His voice sounds off. I can’t really explain how, but he sounds different. Agitated. “Can I trust you? I mean, can I talk with you honestly for a minute? I care about you, and I’m a little worried.”
“Always, be honest with me. You don’t have to worry about me though. Everything is good.” What’s with guys and always being worried? Like as a girl, I can’t take care of myself or something.
“It’s about your boyfriend.”
I actually feel the color drain from my face. Did they see each other? Fight. “Is he okay?”
Gabe shakes his head. Worry spikes inside me. “I don’t think he’s being honest with you, Abigail. I don’t trust him. I’m afraid he’s going to hurt you.”
Relief starts to replace the worry. “Funny, he says the same thing about you.” I try and play it off like his words don’t affect me, but they kind of do. I trust Caleb. I do, but there’s a part of me that still worries if this will all be taken away from me. That somehow this is some big, cosmic joke and I’m the one who’s going to get laughed at.
“I’m sorry. Maybe I’ve said too much…”
“What… what makes you think that? That you think he’s not being honest, I mean?” Not because I don’t trust Caleb, but because I’m curious.
“I didn’t want to tell you, but I saw him with a girl. She’s our age, with long black hair. They were laughing together and holding hands. I could be wrong, but I think that’s part of the reason he doesn’t want me around you either. He might know I saw them together, and he’s scared I’ll tell you.”