“I made it with my dad. It was one of his better moments. Not that he had many of them.” He picks up a rock and tosses it into the creek. “Listen, Kitten—sorry, I mean, Abby. What I’m telling you is big. You can’t tell anyone, or I might be locked up in some group home or something until I turn eighteen. I don’t really know the laws on it, but I don’t want to take the chance.”
My stomach churns with dread. “You can trust me, Caleb. I promise you, I can keep a secret with the best of them.” Isn’t that the truth? If it hadn’t been for Stacy and her overactive ears, no one would know anything about the crazy Thompson women.
He eases down, sitting in the dirt. His feet are flat on the ground, knees bend with his arms around them. I feel something pinch inside me that he doesn’t sit by me. In his hands, he plays with something. A branch, maybe? I can’t tell while his fingers fiddle with it so intently.
“You know my mom isn’t around, right? She took off when I was five. My dad…let’s just say he’s not the most loving kind of guy. She came from a good family. Was young when she got pregnant with me and Dad dragged her down. He used to. Well, I’m sure he still does wherever he is, but I’m sure you know the rumors. He drinks. A lot.” Caleb’s eyes dart toward me quickly, then away. But I feel them. In those few seconds, I feel them to the depths of my soul.
“He um…well, he hit us. Both of us. She couldn’t take it, so she bailed.”
I gasp suddenly very grateful for the vampire-loving Mom I have at home. She may be crazy, but she loves me. She would never leave me behind like that. All these years he’s lived with an abusive father. Earlier I’d wondered what wounds he’d cleaned so much, wondered who took care of him and now I know they were his and no one was there for him.
“It wasn’t that big a deal, Abby. It’s not something he did to me every day, so please don’t feel sorry for me.” When he looks at me, I nod my head even though I’m sure we both know it’s a lie. “So yeah, it was just me and him, but a couple months ago, we got into a huge fight. I finally got sick of it. After all these years, it was enough. I hit back. You should have seen the look he gave me. It was so f**king messed up. It’s like I’d hurt him, like I’d broken his f**king heart by defending myself.” Caleb throws whatever it is he has in his hands, before pushing to his feet.
“He took off and I haven’t seen him since. I couldn’t protect my mom and she left me, and now my dad did, too.”
Caleb shrugs like it isn’t a big deal. What is he thinking? He lives out here all by himself. So many thoughts race through my overactive brain that I can’t keep them all straight. “You’re alone.”
“It’s not a big deal. I know how to take care of myself. I’ve done it my whole life.”
“Yes, it is a big deal. How do you pay the bills? Buy food? Who takes care of you?” I can’t wrap my head around it. Caleb has been living out of this cabin for months by himself? He has no parents because they both left him? The barrier around my heart shatters. I stand up and walk over to him.
“Caleb, what are you going to do?” I’m standing right in front of him now, the pull increasing in intensity. I want to touch him, hold him, kiss him. Most of all, I want to make everything better for him.
“Don’t go all mom-like on me, okay? I’m going to do the same thing I’ve been doing. We had wood stored up, I use it for heat when I need to. I get money orders for the electric bill. Don’t have cable or a phone and when I need food, I shop.”
“What about money?”
Caleb shakes his head. “I’ve been taking care of myself for a long time, Abby. I do odd jobs around town for money. I’ve done it for years anyway, so I have cash saved up. I hid it out there so my dad would never find it and spend it. As long as I keep earning more, I should have enough to last until I turn eighteen and get the hell out of here. It’s not like I need much.”
He starts to walk down the stream, and I follow him. My heart is somewhere near my feet. “You’re, leaving?” I don’t know why this surprises me. I want to leave Karma too.
“As soon as I possibly can. I told you that in the beginning. That’s why I didn’t want to get too involved with you. I didn’t want anyone to get hurt, but I hate this town. There’s nothing that could make me stay here,” His voice seethes with anger so sharp I flinch. “Sorry.” His voice is low.
“That’s okay,” I whisper. It’s weird because even though I’m planning on leaving too, it hurts to know Caleb will be leaving sooner. I can’t imagine living here without him which puts me in the ‘totally screwed and stupid’ category.
I hate asking this question, but I feel like I have to. “What if something happened to him and he’s not okay? You don’t think you should report him missing? What about his job? Someone will eventually know he’s gone.”
Caleb stills. His expression is unreadable for me. “Does it make me just as bad as he is that I don’t care? That part of me thinks if something did happen to him, it would be his own form of karma for all the bruises he gave my mom? For all the guilt I feel because I couldn’t protect her? It f**king sucks because I hate him, but I’m scared as shit that hating him makes me just like him.”
My hands are itching to touch him; my arms tingling to wrap around him. My heart pulsing, calling out to his in hopes he can feel what I feel about him. Not even feel it toward me, but toward himself because I think he’s pretty freakin’ wonderful. He said to me earlier he was nothing, and then I’d thought he was so much more. Now, I think he’s everything. “No. You’re not like him. You’re…” What can I say to him? My lips are tied closed, bound by my fear of telling him how great he is.
His shoulders are slumped and we’re both quiet for a long time. Finally he breaks it. “You don’t, you know, look at me different now do you?”
Unable to hold it back anymore, I reach out and touch his shoulder. My whole body tingles with a strange warmth. “You’re not him and I could never think badly of you.”
He gives me a watered-down smile. Like the ones he used to give me all the time. “You won’t tell, will you? You’ll keep my secret?”
Suddenly, my eyes well with tears. I look at Caleb and know what I have to do. What I want to do. I can’t tell him he’s everything. That he makes me feel things I’m not sure a girl my age should be feeling, but I can trust my secret with him too. “A secret for a secret.” My chin starts to quiver. I have to do this now before I lose my nerve. “The rumors are true about me too, Caleb. My mom is crazy. She believes in vampires.”
Caleb’s eyes flicker with something I don’t recognize. He kind of cocks his head to look at me, trying to see if I’m lying or not. I want to snatch the words back and erase them from his mind, but I know I can’t. “So yeah. It’s nice out here.”
My lame attempt to change the subject doesn’t work. “You mean like Dracula? Like I-want-to-suck-your-blood vampires?”
It’s obvious he’s confused, but his words sting. “Maybe not Dracula in specific, but the neck-biting freaks are the only kind of vampires, I know about.” I cross my arms, angry at him for not getting it and mad at myself for the tears freely flowing down my face.
“Shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t…” Only he doesn’t finish. Instead, he uses his thumbs to wipe my tears. More come, but he keeps wiping them away. His hands feel so much different than mine. Hard, but soft at the same time. “I’m not good with crying girls, Abby. I have no idea what to do.”
But his thumb continues to rub circles on my cheeks. Like windshield wipers, the erase my tears, but only in a compassionate way. “You’re doing good so far.”
I know I’ve said the right thing when he gives me his real smile. More tears come, and he continues to dry my face. Each swipe of his thumbs vibrate through me, touching me in so many more ways than he knows. “Your skin is so soft,” he says, and I’m not even sure he realizes he said it, because he’s so focused on making this better for me, the only way he can think to do it. And I was wrong. Is it possible for someone to be more than everything? No one has or could ever make me feel like Caleb does.
I hate that I’m crying over this. What he told me is so much worse, but it’s freeing too, the tears and the truth because I’ve never shared them before.
When the tears finally slow, he asks, “You want to talk about it?”
To my surprise, I nod my head yes. Caleb wraps his hand around mine and in that second, I know everything is changing.
We walk over to a big rock that rests a few feet from the water and sit down. Despite my affirmation a few minutes ago, I don’t talk.
“You don’t have to tell me anything, ya know? I mean, I’m here if you want to talk, but if you don’t want to, I get it. It’s not a tit for tat kind of thing. I only told you so you know why I’m such a jerk. I just don’t want to screw things up with you.”
I look at him, no longer biting my tongue. “No, I want to tell you. I trust you, Caleb, and you’re not a jerk.”
He gives my hand a squeeze and I know it’s to comfort me. “So, your mom believes in vampires, huh? That’s… different.” And then he laughs, shaking his head. “That was lame. I’m sorry.”
It makes me smile. For the first time, I feel like we’re totally on equal ground. Usually he’s so at arms-length, and always so comfortable in his skin while I’m the one opening mouth and inserting foot. It’s fun to see him navigate the same waters I swim in.
“Yeah, it’s different, but it’s all I know.” I look down at our hands just because I like to see them locked together. The way our fingers blend and match together like a puzzle. It makes it easier for me to talk to him. “Listen, she’s not like straightjacket, psycho crazy, it’s just--”