“What’s a porksword?” Samuel asked as he zoomed his trains around the track with a combination of magic and his hands.
“It’s um…” Ethan replied with a wince and a terrified glance thrown my way.
“It’s a, um…very sharp, and you know… dangerous weapon that a pirate uses,” I blurted out attempting to save the day. “But it is a secret, kind of mystical and rare-ish weapon made by um, pirate ghosts and it’s best not to talk about it. At all. Ever.”
Ethan shot me a horrified look and I shrugged helplessly. At least I tried.
Samuel stopped what he was doing and glanced over at his unfit parental units. He put his little fingers on his chin and pursed his lips. “It’s a poop word, isn’t it?”
The silence was loud.
“Yes. Yes it is,” Ethan admitted, running his hands through his hair with a groan. “No pirates involved. I’m sorry. I’ll try to do better with that in the future, my little man.”
“It’s okay, my daddy. The more you guys mess up the closer me is to getting another baboon.”
“He really is brilliant,” I whispered to Ethan as Samuel went back to his trains.
“He is,” Ethan said as he stared at his child with pride. “I’m over five hundred years old and he can best me.”
“Holy Hell, I can’t even imagine what he’ll be like as a teenager,” I said with a shudder.
“Bite your tongue, at the rate he’s growing that could be next week.”
He was correct. Since someone like Samuel had never existed, we had no clue how fast he would grow. It was unsettling, but what in our world wasn’t? As long as he was safe and loved, I didn’t care if I woke up tomorrow and he was an adult. I hoped it didn’t happen that way because I loved the stage he was in right now. However, it didn’t matter what I wanted. It was going to happen however the fates deemed fit.
“You’re right,” I said as I sat down next to him and put my head on his shoulder. “Fat Demon Doug is harmless. He was a pile of shit this morning and I felt bad for him.”
“Literally?” Ethan asked.
“Um, yes… Charles kind of zapped Doug when Doug suggested REO Speedwagon for the reception,” I told him, and then dove back in quickly just in case he went after Charles to get rid of him or worse. “It’s a long story, and yes, Charles was involved, but it’s fine now. Dixie fixed it and made Charles her minion and mine, so he can’t tell Satan everything we’re doing anymore. It’s really a win-win and Charles is now our wedding planner. Doug was supposed to, but he’s never seen a wedding even though he’s gay which Satan assured me was the correct prerequisite for a wedding planner. I don’t think Charles is gay. I get a more asexual vibe from him, but I’m not going to let that color my opinion of him. It’s fine with me if he’s straight, although I really can’t visualize him having a girlfriend—or a boyfriend. Besides, Satan is fucked in the head,” I finished my diatribe to a look of utter confusion on my mate’s face.
“I followed very little of that and I think I’m glad,” Ethan said, shaking his head and pulling me closer.
“Fucked in the head,” Samuel shouted as he made his trains fly around the room.
“What did I tell you about saying fucked?” I reprimanded my very-proud-of-himself son.
“You say me no say fucker, not fucked,” he countered with a shrug and a giggle.
He had me there.
“What your mother meant was you can’t use that word in any way at all,” Ethan cut in before I used the word fuck in an explanation of every possible way to say the word.
“Okay,” Samuel said, satisfied with his father’s answer.
I watched in awe as Samuel went right back to happily playing. “How did you do that?” I whispered to Ethan. “I always put my foot in my mouth.”
“Never explain,” he replied with a sexy grin that made me want to stick my tongue down his throat and ride him hard.
“What?”
“Only answer the matter at hand. Answer vaguely and never go into detail unless he asks.”
“How did you get so smart?” I demanded as I nipped at his full bottom lip.
“Over five hundred years of dealing with Vampyres who tend to behave like children is how I got so smart.”
“I have a long way to go,” I muttered.
“You’re doing just fine,” he promised.
“How many portals have reopened?” I asked, wondering if I needed to alert Satan.
“About ten,” Ethan told me with a disgusted shake of his head. “Hold off on Satan. We closed them and I don’t want the Demon SWAT team or the God Squad involved yet. I’ve got some of our best on it with The Kev leading them. If it gets worse, we’ll call in the shitshow, but right now it’s handled. Now I’m going to play trains for a while with our little Einstein and you’re going to go deal with Mother Nature.”
“That doesn’t seem fair.” I stood up and groaned. “But she is my grandmother, not yours.”
“And thank God for that,” Ethan said with a relieved grunt.
“Screw you,” I shot back with a giggle, as I kissed the top of my son’s head and made my way to the door of the nursery.
“In five days,” Ethan promised with a look in his eyes that set my girlie parts on fire.