Awesome. I was flying into Xanthia with a narcissistic whack job of a Mini Elf. Could this day get any weirder? My guess was yes.
"Would you like to brief me on who we're looking for?" she asked. "It might be helpful so I don't kill the wrong person."
"Good point. A baby named Samuel and two very sexy and violent Vampyres named Martha and Jane," I told her.
"Martha and Jane are not sexy names," she cut in and wrinkled her tiny adorable nose.
"I agree, but that's what I've heard."
"You don't know what these people look like?" She slapped her tiny hands on her curvy little hips and blew out a disgusted sigh.
"Listen, little missy, I don't need your shit right now. We are also rescuing a hotter than Hell Vampyre named Ethan who is disguised as Jon Bon Jovi, but I suppose you'll be able to see his true form. He's blond with golden eyes and a drool-worthy body. His ass could stop traffic. He has full kissable lips and cheekbones that could cut glass."
"Is he taken?" she asked with a dreamy look in her eyes.
"Yes, he is so don't get any ideas or I'll squish your tiny Mini Elf ass," I snapped.
"Sorry," she said quickly. "I didn't realize he was yours."
"He's not." I shook my head and ran my hands through my hair. "He's not, but he has a mate and he loves her."
"Got it." She smiled knowingly and I wanted to slap her.
Yes, I wanted him. No, I couldn't have him, but I was not offering him up to anyone else. Ever.
"Is there anyone else I should avoid destroying?" she inquired sweetly.
"The Kev," I told her. "He's a…"
"I love The Kev," she squeaked so loudly I slapped my hands over my ears. "He's the kindest, strongest and hottest Fairy of them all. YAYAYAYAYAYAY. I can't wait to see him again."
"He's taken."
"He is?" she asked dejectedly.
"Yep, his mate is my BFF—the true Fairy Queen."
Her eyes lit up like a Christmas tree and she turned six flips, narrowly missing a boulder. "She's been born? This is wonderful. No wonder I got sucked back into this realm. I am her Guardian Angel. I didn't know she'd been reincarnated yet. Fucking Hell, The Corrine must be livid."
"You could say that. She tried to kill Gemma but failed, so she took the baby Samuel thinking it was Gemma's. She was going to trade Gemma's life for the child's."
"What a fucking stinkass whore bitch dickwad move," Susu huffed indignantly. "Wait. Is the baby Gemma's?"
"No, the baby belongs to Ethan and his mate."
"Why isn't his mate here to save her child?" Susu asked as she raised her perfectly plucked eyebrows in surprise.
"Well, I think she's human," I explained and shrugged. That statement felt very wrong…I suppose my jealousy of Ethan's mate was coloring my logic.
"Is that all?"
"Well, there are a few Fairies that might or might not be allies to The Kev."
"Names?"
"The Henry, The Reggie, The Bob and The Gus," I said.
"Asshole, Wimp, Sissy and Prissy." She grinned and did a floating toe touch.
"You pretty much nailed it. I'm not sure which ones we should kill, if any. But I don't trust them and neither should you."
"Affirmative. You ready?"
Was I ready? No, I wasn't. Did that matter? No, it didn't. I was working on three quarters of a brain and I had paired up with a psychotic Mini Elf named Susu. This was probably a clusterfuck waiting to happen, but that wouldn't stop me. Apparently I was difficult to kill and Susu was probably the same if she'd lasted seven thousand years. The need to save Ethan's baby was almost painful. I had no clue why, other than I was attracted to the father, but I knew I would succeed. I had to.
"I'm as ready as I'll ever be," I told my tiny new friend. Gemma was going to have a Hell of a time if Susu really was her Guardian Angel. I giggled at the fact that Gemma's Angel was more profane than my Guardian Angel, Pam…Fuck. My legs buckled and I hit the ground with a cramp in my stomach the size of a watermelon.
"Another memory?" Susu inquired with concern as she gently stroked my face.
"Yep."
"Here's a thought," she offered. "While we're flying don't think—at all. It would suck ass if you fell out of the air and died."
"I'll keep that in mind. Let's go before I change my mind."
"About going?"
"Nope. About taking you with me," I said as I began to levitate. She quickly flew to me and barnacled herself to my side. Weird was my new normal.
Fucking awesome.
Chapter 14
When in large crowds, make sure you hold tight to your child's hand. Losing a child in an amusement park is terrifying. If you're truly paranoid a parent could consider putting a chip in their child. If you do this don't discuss it at dinner parties. People will think you are weird.
Xanthia was utter chaos. Huge lit neon billboards announcing the American Idol competition were everywhere. Susu had conjured up a hooded robe for me to wear. They were all the rage in Xanthia. I was slightly alarmed that mine was covered in bright blue sequins, but she insisted I would fit in perfectly and avoid the hysteria I would cause if the Fairies thought Pink had blown into town. She was correct. I walked undetected through the streets of the amusement park. There was an overlaying menace about the city and I pulled my cloak closer to my body.